Operation Go!

Callum was due to have his operation for his grommets to be fitted and a possible adenoidectomy on Tuesday 30 July (next week) but on Tuesday this week I received a call to say there had been a problem with the list for that day and they wouldn’t be able to do the operation. However, they had received a cancelation for Thursday 25 July (today!) which he could take instead of waiting. Stuart had already been making noises about how an important meeting had been put in his diary for the Tuesday that couldn’t be moved (of course, which he’d miss but wasn’t convenient) so he jumped on the opportunity to move it to Thursday, despite still needing to rearrange another couple of meetings. I did have to cancel my plans (for the 2nd time ), rearrange childcare and notify nursery but bringing it forward at least meant he still had the op before he started school and it gave us less time to worry about it!

In truth, I wasn’t too worried about the operation itself. Having had both done myself as a child (though I don’t remember the grommets only the adenoidectomy) as well as most of my siblings having similar and knowing many of my friends children have had the grommets, I was aware that it was a very common, routine operation which meant I knew I had little to be concerned about. Although there is always that slight niggle at t back of the head saying “what if my child is the 1 in 20,000???”. Mostly, I was worried for Callum. For him being scared! No one likes to see their child scared.

I tried to make it exciting, an adventure! I tried to point out the benefits and what it would mean. We said he could have any dinner of his choice after – he chose pizza.

The day before, he started saying he was poorly, that he didn’t want them to hurt his ears, getting upset that he wouldn’t be able to have his breakfast before we went in, wanting to stay at Nanna & Grandpa’s with Millie. He was clearly worried.

Still, he went to sleep early the night before (at his own request), having not eaten hardly any of his dinner, then he woke easily enough the next day bright and early, about 6am.

We needed to be at Poole hospital for 7.15am but got to the Day of Surgery Assessment Unit at 6.50am before the desk was even open but the time passed pretty quickly as patients started to fill the waiting room. People started being called this way and that and when Callum’s name was called we were shown into a side room while we were explained about what was going to happen and asked a number of questions about health etc by a nurse. Then the ENT Surgeon came and checked the same questions and warned us the same details would be checked about 9 times before the operation. Sure enough, next came the Anaesthetist, then another nurse type person did the same (who also sniggered with us about Callum’s camel called Tony & said he was going to use it in his stand-up routine but I digress) who then took us down to the Day Surgery Unit. He left us in a waiting area to count monkeys on the wall until another nurse came to see us and check the same details and ask the same questions then finally, about 8.45am, he was taken to the anaesthetist.

Only one of us was allowed to accompany Callum at this point until he fell asleep. Every part of the mother in me wanted that person to be me but I know that fathers have the protective instinct too so I left it to Callum to decide despite knowing Callum would choose Stuart. In a way, I’m pleased. The Anaesthetist had warned us seeing your child held down while either a gas mask was held on him or a intravenous drip of anaesthetic was fed into him wasn’t a pleasant experience for the adult even when they know he isn’t in pain. Apparently, Callum was calm & brave when they tried to find a vein in one arm then failed, got a bit upset when they tried the second arm but reacted well to the gas. Although I would’ve hidden my feelings, I think I would’ve found it upsetting to see.

The deal was, the surgeon would fit the grommets then check the adenoids and only remove them if necessary. If just the grommets were fitted it would take about 15 minutes. If the adenoids were removed too it could take 25mins to half an hour. They would then wait for him to wake before returning him to the Day of Surgery Assessment Unit where we would be waiting.

We were given a 15-20 minute window to go and get a cup of tea/something to eat but instructed to be no longer in case he was ready to return. Having gone without breakfast in support for Callum’s morning fast for the operation (despite it being the morning after a 500/600 kcal fast day for Stuart and I), we were starving! I also took the opportunity to nip to the car to fetch Callum’s present of a Fireman Sam book and chocolate buttons for when he had come round.

We were back on the ward in plenty of time and when he hadn’t returned after an hour were starting to get a little concerned but I guessed he must’ve had the adenoids removed too and he was soon returned to us.

He was a little drowsy and very subdued at first. He gulped back lots of water and then asked for something to eat so he had a biscuit. Then said he was still hungry and ate his way through 4 slices of toast (2 jam, 2 marmite), a chocolate muffin and some cheese dippers and was still asking for more food, bless him!

At 10.30am, they told us he should be able to go by 1.30pm. Yawn!

We passed the time, watching Disney dvds, reading his Fireman Sam book, playing on our phones, some of us nodding off (wish it was me!) and eventually, around 2pm, they set us free! Callum had picked up & had started playing with the ward toys at that time and was now dressed back in his normal clothes (he had be changed into just his pants & a gown for the surgery).

We then treated Callum to a game of bowling. Then we bought him a new outfit for his Build-a-Bear teddy and, as promised, headed for pizza. Unfortunately, just as we sat down in Pizza Hut, Callum started to deteriorate with his energy levels dropping and his temperature too. He ate just 1/4 of a slice of pizza and wanted to go home.

Already, we have noticed an improvement in his hearing and so far consider the operation a success and pleased he was returned to us safely afterwards. Time will tell just how much of an improvement it proves to be to his hearing and his speech.

Sticky Ears

Last week, Callum had his appointment with the Audiology Department of the local health centre to enable them to carry out a decibel check to find out exactly how affected his hearing loss is as a result of the Glue Ear he has in both ears. I didn’t realise but Glue Ear doesn’t have to affect the hearing at all.

The lady (doctor?) was lovely and quickly put Callum at ease and said they were going to play a game. She bought out 2 long wooden boats with little wooden men sitting in them which she removed. She put headphones on Callum and said every time he heard a whistle, he was to put a man in the boat.

This took me back to when they did hearing checks in my senior school, however my test was a lot more boring as was just the case of taking a cup off a stack and putting it in a line when we heard a whistle. Apparently I had grommets fitted in one of my ears as a child but I don’t remember it being fitted.

Anyway, Callum went through both the boats of men, then placing beads on pegs, then a wooden shape sorter toy. A different headphone thing was placed just behind Callums ears with the big headphones placed over one ear then the other. Throughout I had no idea how he was doing.

Towards the end, Callum started to get bored and wasn’t really listening out for the whistles so the lady couldn’t complete the test but had enough data to be conclusive.

She let Callum play with the toy boats and people (I think if she had continued to use this toy, she would have held his attention to the end) while she showed me the results on her computer.

The graphs showed that his right ear, which had moderate hearing loss, was worse than his left which had light-moderate hearing loss. Some of the tests she performed showed that the hearing loss was as a result of the Glue Ear and not anything permanent which was a relief. It was the low vibration noises he struggled to hear more – on his left ear he could hear high pitch noises normally.

She then explained what our choices would be. The first being to continue as we were and hope his Glue Ear cleared up by itself, though advised against this as it was suspected the Glue Ear had already been there for a while and I was concerned about his speech and confidence. The second was to have grommets fitted. The third to have a hearing aid fitted, which was apparently rarely considered by parents but was an option nonetheless.

The next steps was for her to file her report and refer us to the Ears, Nose & Throat (ENT) clinic where they would no doubt do a similar test to what she had done again and then they would make the final decision and recommendation for grommets if that’s what we decide.

For now we are waiting for the ENT clinic appointment. Stuart and I would definitely want to go down the grommets route and we both really hope he can have them fitted before he goes to school as I’m sure it will make a big difference to his confidence and speech.

I Want to Crash!

The other morning, Callum and I had a conversation while in the car, similar to one we’ve had many a time before, that went like this:

Me: “Can you stop talking to me for a minute I need to concentrate on driving”
Callum: “Why, Mummy?” completely ignoring my request!
Me: “I need to concentrate to make sure I don’t crash”
Callum: “Why don’t you want to crash?”
Me: [sigh] “because people could get hurt in a crash and then they’d need to go to hospital. It is also very expensive & costs lots of money if the cars get damaged”
Callum: “I want to crash”
Me: “We don’t want to crash because it could hurt lots”

I’m not adverse to talking while driving, unless I am doing something that needs more concentration like driving somewhere I’ve not been before or parking, at which point I politely ask my passenger(s) to pause a moment while I concentrate then let them carry on. But Callum, because of his hearing loss, asks me constant questions but can’t hear my reply so will keep repeating the question until he hears the answer. This then causes me to try to twist my head towards him so he can hear me better and I get exasperated at keep answering the same question 20 times. Not to mention the constant questions is quite a distraction from driving. The easiest thing is to ask him to ask me when we stop the car.

Anyway, on the same journey, just near home, the traffic had started to build up and I could see there was an ambulance and there had been an accident on the roundabout ahead. The same roundabout I had a bump on just before Christmas (Callum was at nursery). The next conversation went like this:

Callum: “Why aren’t we driving?”
Me: “Because there is a traffic jam – the cars ahead have stopped because there has been an accident. A crash!"
Callum: “Did they crash because someone was talking to them?”
Me: “Maybe, I don’t know”
Callum: “I can see the ambulance”
Me: “Yes, they might be hurt and going to the hospital”
Callum: “Can we ask them?”
Me: “Ask them what?”
Callum: “Can we go to the octipool (hospital) and ask them if someone was talking to them”
Me: “No they may be too poorly and need to rest”

For ease of reading, I’ve missed out the many “I can’t hear you mummy” etc and repeats of questions and answers.

Anyway – I just wondered if anyone else has had to tackle a similar issue and how have you prevented your children distracting you whilst you are driving?

I’m hoping the issue will get better when his hearing gets better but in the meantime, I want to ensure we drive safely. At the moment I just keep having the same conversations with him about not talking in the car and it doesn’t make the blindest bit of difference! He does not stop nattering and asking me questions! I’ve tried not answering him but, like I say, he just keeps repeating until he hears an answer getting louder and shouting.

Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences and possible solutions please.

Can You Hear What I hear?…Apparently not!

Oh dear, bad mummy alert!

Over the past year, particularly, I have been growing increasingly frustrated with the amount I have to repeat myself. Its bad enough that I find I’m talking to myself most of the time when I speak to Stuart but it should’ve been no surprise that the miniature-Stuart that is our son was following suit. He would ask me to repeat what I was saying “I cannot what you’re saying” and I’d barely get the first word out again when he’d say “pardon mummy”. “Just listen”, I’d say crossly, “if you want to hear what I’m saying then you need to listen”. If his attention was on something else he just wouldn’t hear you at all. Again, I put it down to being male and having selective hearing.

Some days I took responsibility on myself and blamed myself for talking too quickly which I know I do.

But after staying with my parents for a few days, my Mum commented on the same thing so I thought it best to rule out any hearing problems by taking him to the doctor.

I really didn’t think it would show up with anything as he can hear you when you are behind him, doesn’t ask for the TV or iPad to be turned up loud, in fact, he often complains when music is too loud.

Stuart also tells me he went for hearing tests when he was young and it pretty much confirmed that it was an attention thing. Not as in an attention seeking thing but as in when he is focused on something he just isn’t aware that anything else…bomb explosion, meteor shower, hurricane…is happening let alone anyone is actually talking to him.

So, along we went to the Dr who, after much distress on Callum’s part (he is scared of the Dr since his last injections) confirmed she was sure he was fine but to be sure she would request a hearing test.

Today was the day of the hearing check.

The doctor asked me the usual questions about noise level on the TV, whether he suffered with an unusually high number of colds, what his speech was like. For most I said I hadn’t noticed anything I would class as unusual except that his speech was a little slower than average but still not enough to be concerned.

So the doctor bought out some toys and played a ‘game’. There were a number of objects that he asked Callum what they were as he put them all down – duck, house, tree, lamb, cow, horse, key, man – he then asked him to point to the object he said, starting with covering his mouth (the doctor covered his own mouth, not Callum’s) then uncovered, then louder. At first I just thought Callum was shy or a little scared still, he didn’t want to point. He wouldn’t point using my hand either. Then he pointed at random objects so I thought he was just playing but would eventually point at the correct object when the Dr said it loudly. The Dr did have a strong accent but I still think he said the objects clear enough that they could be understood by Callum.

So next was a look in Callum’s ear with the ‘magic torch’ followed by another test that was described to Callum as listening to a buzzy bee…putting a probe thing in his ear and bouncing back a buzzing sound to his ear drum.

The doctor then explained that on a ‘normal’ ear/eardrum the graph would show a steep peak. Sometimes there is fluid behind the ear which means the eardrum is dull. The graph for Callum was completely flat…not even a slight mound. His ear was full of fluid behind his eardrum. He has glue ear!

Mummy guilt big time!

This means we are now on the road to grommets.

Things have changed since my siblings and I were kids and had them fitted. Two of us had just one with one of us having 2. Apparently there are stricter guidelines now. You should only be referred if:

1. you require them in both ears – tick
2. there is a noticeable hearing loss – tick
3. that 3 months since first diagnosis passes to allow time for them to get better by themselves – this is where we are at now.

There needs to be a further ‘decibel’ test which can take 6 to 12 weeks to come through which the Ears, Nose & Throat clinic will require to accept him so this will take us to the 3 months and will enable us to see if it is worse because of him suffering with a cold at the moment and whether there is any chance it will get better of its own accord. If no improvement and depending on the result of the decibel test, we will then get referred.

In the meantime, I’ll be vowing to be more patient, speak more clearly, more slowly and happily accept I’ll need to repeat myself!!

Time is a gift and not to be wasted

Occasionally, there will be an event, a tragedy, a moment, something said, that makes you take a look at yourself and you realise you need to change, that your priorities are wrong.

It is unfortunate that so often it takes for something negative to lead you to do this but as long as we learn from our lessons and take something positive from it, we are only human and we should forgive ourselves.

A couple of these things happened last week that made me look introspectively at myself & realise I needed to change.

The first being the tragic and very unexpected loss of a young baby girl’s life. At just 9 months with no warning. I can’t even begin to imagine what her family are going through. They are the thoughts that when you have children you try constantly to push back into the darkest depths of your subconscious. My thoughts now go out to them. This unimaginable tragedy happened to a Mummy on Twitter, a mummy blogger which for some reason our paths haven’t before crossed on Twitter but she and her family have clearly touched so many and my Twitter timeline was full of fellow Tweeters paying their respects for her sad loss.

I, in no way, wish to compare as I have had no direct experience and everyone’s loss and grief is a personal thing but my poor Mum & (older) Sister have experienced the loss of a baby as my Sister was a twin but sadly, her identical twin sister, passed away at just 6 weeks old. In fact, it is the 39th anniversary of her death next week. Anita  is very much still a part of our family, even for me who wasn’t around when she was born. She is our family Guardian Angel. She is often talked about, talked to and remembered constantly.  A family doesn’t ever really get over that type of tragedy even though you learn to move on.

For this reason, I have been a little more aware, a little more nervous for the first 6 weeks of both my babies’ lives than perhaps I would’ve been. To know that after 9 months of carrying this little growing life inside you that you bring safely into this world, learn to love, get to know, ready to protect with your own life, then suddenly to find they can be taken away from you. As I say, we so often have to push those thoughts away to enable us to live our lives the best we can. I was already anxious for the first 6 weeks but this has reminded me, it can happen any time, 9 months, a year, 5 years, 11 years, 18 years…it is not right when a child goes before their parents whatever the age!

The second thing to make me think was a simple sentence from my Son, Callum. I confess to being a bit rubbish at playing with my children. I have a short attention span for such a thing, especially when it involves imaginary play – which is surprising considering I’ve always wanted to be an actress. I lose patience quickly whenever I try to do creative craft, arty stuff or cooking with Callum so, although I do these things from time to time, I no where near do them often enough.

I am also rubbish during the winter at getting motivated to getting outside the house so, unless I have something planned in advance, I can quite easily waste a day inside doing not a lot.

The worst thing I can do first thing in the morning, is pick up my laptop. For there I am glued until I am made to move by the needs of one of my children or my own hunger, thirst or call of nature.

What was the simple sentence uttered by my dearest son that made me ashamed and want to change? “Mummy I don’t like it when you sit here all the time” referring to usual position of my arse sat on the sofa with my laptop on my lap, or close by if I’m holding Millie

Shit! I can sometimes be a really crap mother!

I said to Stuart recently, I need to make the most of these days I am at home (not working) with the children and really appreciate them as before long I’ll be back on the hunt for a job and the likelihood will be that I get a full time job. Callum will be in school and Millie in nursery. I wont ever get these days back again. So why the hell am I wasting them? Why am I not grabbing every day and making it a memory?

So I’ve made a plan. I would say a promise but I don’t believe in promises as sometimes promises have to be broken and I don’t like broken promises. So I am going to say I’m really going to try my damned hardest to stick to this.

I am going to spend more time with and enjoying my children.

Should I not have any plans to meet a friend or my family I am going to go out to parks, soft play, walks, the beach, farms etc. These things don’t have to be expensive and are quite often free. Callum loves looking around pet shops or fish shops (the aquarium kind not the fried type). Once a fortnight I will try to either bake or get arty with Callum and/or Millie (admittedly a little more difficult with Millie). I will try to make myself join in games with Callum, especially when Millie is sleeping.

To ensure this happens, I have to limit my computer use so I propose the following:

• I will not pick up my laptop Monday to Wednesday until the evening/children are in bed unless Callum is happily watching a DVD (which isn’t actually that often).
• On Thursdays and Fridays, when Callum is at nursery, I will limit my laptop time to when Millie is napping and again once children are in bed.
• I will allow myself to use my phone during the above times unless I notice this taking over important family time.

I think this is realistic and should be easy to stick to.

I am not perfect and I may slip into bad habits from time to time but hopefully, by writing it down, I am more committed and can remind myself of what I have pledged by reading this back. I want to be a better Mummy and I want to make the most of these days so we can all look back at the memories we’ve made.

My Babies–General Update

 

Callum

I’m going to start with Callum as I’m just so excited to tell you about his swimming. I’m so very proud of him. He is moving up from Pre-School Level 2 swimming to Pre-School Level 3. He has got a certificate and his very first swimming badge!

To achieve this award, Callum had to be able to do the following:

• Jump unaided but supervised into the water
• Submerge completely
• Rotate through 360 degrees either horizontally or vertically
• Show a mushroom or star float
• Travel 10 meters on the front or back without assistance
• Climb out of the water with assistance if needed
• Buoyancy aids may have been used during the completion of this award

To many this may not be anything special but to me it’s amazing.

My own memories of swimming lessons at school (age 7-11) were messing around playing ‘don’t touch the floor or the crocodiles will get you’; dodgy pink flowery (granny) swimming hats if you made the mistake of forgetting yours; and cheating for my 50 meter badge by walking on the bottom of the pool then splashing my leg up every once in a while. There was also the occasional visit to our local leisure centre on a Sunday with my parents where my dad tried to teach me to dive, starting with the pixie dive. I regret not putting more into my swimming as I’m really not a very strong swimmer and I don’t have a great deal of confidence. I can hold my own in the pool but my front crawl resembles a shark attack and the most lengths of a pool (which was about half the size of an olympic pool) I’ve managed is 24 and I was extremely proud of myself!!!

To put it into context as to what this certificate actually means to Callum’s swimming ability – he is a long way off being able to swim confidently without buoyancy aids, though he can do about 2-3 meters on his own but he has so much confidence in the water and I hope that in turn will be a benefit to his confidence overall when he starts school, being as he is usually show shy and intimidated in big groups of people.

Millie

Now for Millie’s turn!

Basically, she is still gorgeous! She hasn’t rolled much more, from front to back (finding the right time when she isn’t going to puke just after a bottle but still has enough energy before naptime is a challenge!) and she hasn’t mastered back to front yet but she is often really close. She loves her feet which hold her attention much longer than any toy. Her grab & hold is also improving.

But better than all of this is that we have had a couple of sleep throughs – well from about 10.30pm until 7am or 11.30pm until 7am or 6.30pm until 4.30am (although there was a dummy replacement). Its all definitely moving back in the right direction. We actually had about 4 consecutive nights of what I would call a sleep through (admittedly not 7-7 but where I got some good solid sleep) then she went back to waking every 4 hours again which was a killer. Having given me a taste of what she could do, she then took it away. But I put this down to her experimenting with how much milk she needed during the day to get through the night. At the same time as she was sleeping through, she naturally started going 4 hours between feeds during the day and started consuming more milk at each feed but then she reverted back to feeding every 3 hours. Then, the 2 previous nights (excluding last night) she had much better nights again with the 11.30pm to 7am being the night before last. Unfortunately, last night we were at a family party and stayed at a hotel so her sleep was all over the place but that’s the first time away from home since she has been out of the moses basket. She had to spend a large part of the night in her buggy in the corner of a room where there was (loudish) live singing taking place – in fact she was awake for 2 hours just staring around the inside of her buggy but she didn’t complain and didn’t want milk. Eventually when she just wasn’t going to sleep, I took her out for a little dance and for the relatives to all coo over her before putting her back in the pushchair at the end of the night just before we were leaving when she went straight back off to sleep! When we got back to the hotel, she didn’t settle well straight away and then woke after 4 hours. Hopefully, though, this was all down to the new environment and tonight will be much better again.

Too Cool for School!

It has come to that time when Stuart and I need to make what feels like to be an incredibly important decision with lots of responsibility – which school we would like to send Callum to.

I say we make the important decision but one thing we have come to realise is that we don’t actually have much say! I didn’t realise that you only get one school per catchment and as it will be another high intake year this year, most of the schools (the good ones anyway) are oversubscribed and rarely take outside their catchment area.

Typically, our catchment area is for the school that is ‘under review’. It was one of the reasons I was trying to avoid this area when house hunting but I thought there would be other options.

So I’ve been through all sorts of emotions and turned into the dreaded neurotic parent worrying about my poor wee boy and how will he cope in the big bad world of school!! I’ve stropped and moaned and ranted, much to the suffering of the poor people of Twitter, only to realise that our catchment school is probably the most sensible school for Callum to go to!

The school was the first one we went to visit and we were actually quite impressed with their attitudes to developing certain skills. They have student councils, playground mediators to work through playground altercations and Assistant Secretary to the Head. They were undergoing a lot of work to expand and modernise the work so they were quite cluttered and felt a bit manic but that was about to change. The new school design was lovely and the new classrooms lovely and airy. The developments were going to be an amazing change so I had to look past that.

In addition, have many have said to us, schools under review often have to work harder than those that have been awarded outstanding or good status as they are being closely watched by Ofsted. I’ve been told of many stories where a school was under review one year and went on to be outstanding the next & one of the best schools in the area so I know this can change & am not too hung up on its Ofsted grading.

My concerns were two-fold. One silly one and one very serious one. The silly one was regarding a muddy play area the children spend quite a lot of time in. The teacher said they were going to be keeping an element of the muddy area as the children really learnt from it and enjoyed it. I am normally for a bit of messy play but my fear is for the washing and replacement of uniform!

The second worry was about Callum and whether his personality and character would fit in at the school. Callum, like many children, can be quite shy at first but will overcome his shyness to an extent but still gets very intimidated by big groups. It is something that has been picked up at nursery and they have placed him into a small cluster group to work on giving him confidence. I worry that Callum will be lost in this school and would either be bullied or led into trouble. A lady that teaches at the school who I met sociably said lots of positive things about the school but said it was possible this could happen with Callum at the school. 

However, the nursery will write a transfer note about Callum including a note from the lady that has been working with him in his cluster group. The school also go to the nursery to see the children that will be going there. If I am still worried then I can speak to the school myself. What’s more, my fears could be unfounded and he could get on brilliantly. Only time will tell of course.

We do have a preferred school which we are currently trying to decide whether to put first or second. We are about 300 yards outside its catchment area but the school is 2 miles away so if they do take children outside their catchment area, we are highly unlikely to be granted a place. If it was closer, I would be putting it first without a doubt and 2 miles away in the right direction wouldn’t be a problem but it is likely to be in the opposite direction to where I may work in the future. I would have to go away from work to drop Callum off and then back the other way again. That said, I have done this before when Callum was at nursery full time in Godalming and I worked full time so it is still achievable. The school has an after-school club on the land, right next door to the school too.

But the catchment school is a very close 5-10 minute walk across the park behind our house.

Like I say, it is probably all a waste of time anyway as there is only one school we will get regardless of choice, and that is the catchment school. At least, through all my strops and panics, I’ve worked it through in my head now and will accept that decision when it comes.

A Follow-up to Why?: ‘What’s it called?’

In a follow-up to my last post all about the ‘Why? phase’, there is another question that Callum is regularly asking. Thankfully, not as irritating as ‘why?’ but can require a degree of thought before answering.

He has realised that something can have multiple names. Such as a ‘flower’ could be called a ‘rose’ which could then be called ‘Autumn Sunset’. Or that I’m a lady (arguably, I know) and my name is ‘Mummy’ to Callum but I’m also known as ‘Debbie’ to others.

So we now have questions of “what’s that car called?” – oh good, a fairly easy one (assuming I know); or ‘what’s this fork called?’ – hmmmm!

Although, it can be difficult trying to explain why sometimes a fork is just called a fork (my answer: “it hasn’t got another name, its just called a fork!”; Callum: “Why?” – aaaaaahhhhhhh!), I don’t mind these questions as they make me think a little.

I think the reason why the ‘why?’ questions frustrate me so much is because I naturally give a reason when I answer. For example: “Why aren’t we walking Mummy?” “because we have to drive as it is too far to walk”, “Why?”. Then I’m trying to think up reasons for my reasons. Headache alert!

These questions make me stop and think, does it have another name? Is the name we more commonly know it by, its ‘other’ name and it also has an ‘object’ name? I’ve often said, something doesn’t have another name and then corrected myself a minute later. I find these nicely challenging and my answer is usually accepted and the conversation moves on rather than being stuck in an eternal cycle of whys!

I can see where he is coming from in asking them and think its quite interesting. For now, anyway!

Why, oh why, oh why?

I apologise for being so smug! It was never my intention to come across as smug but looking back I guess I was a little. I thought I was so clever! I thought by using my training experience, I had successfully outwitted my child and therefore avoided the much feared ‘Why? Phase’.

Oh how I was wrong! A little later than expected but it is definitely upon us in all its frustrating rahness! (its a word! its my word!).

About a year ago, Callum moved from ‘what are you doing?’ to the occasional ‘why?’ & I rather cleverly, so I thought, would turn the question back on him and get him to suggest the answer first. It actually seemed to work too! He would usually know the answer or would be happy to suggest something and then I would be happy to correct or lead him to the right answer.

As fast as they arrived, the why questions appeared to stop except once in a while where it was appropriate.

I know that it is all about learning and we should encourage the questions and feed their brains with knowledge. But the questions are just utterly infuriating, as I am sure many of you that have been through this yourselves already know.

“Why is it raining?”

“Why is it a 5p?”

“Why is it dinner time?”

“Why is that tree there”

and its non-stop. It doesn’t end with one question it becomes a continuous barrage of why questions, one after the other getting increasingly more complicated to answer or even just pointless! I have actually told Callum he isn’t allowed to ask pointless questions – don’t ask me what a pointless question is, I couldn’t tell you, I just know it when I hear it.

I tried the technique I mentioned above again but there are just too many questions you can’t actually do this to.

Stuart was confident in the beginning that he was going to embrace the ‘Why? Phase’ and take on the challenge to come up with an answer to every question.

However, we have both found ourselves saying why back as our answer to Callum to which he replies in a whine “no, I said whyyyyyyyyy”.

Please let this phase be short! I can feel myself gaining a new grey hair for every ‘Why?’.

The forecast for the foreseeable future is wet, wet, wet.

Callum has been dry in the day (except the odd accident) for some time – probably about 18 months.

When we first moved to Bournemouth, which was shortly after we started potty training, Callum would get up in the night to go to the toilet and  a couple of times he had a dry pull-up by morning - but not consistently so I did not push it or attempt to take away the pull-up.

I’ve been advised and the information you find on Google is that it is not unusual for children of 6 to still be wet during the night and that they will naturally progress to dry nights on their own. It is best not to attempt to try to take away the pull-up until they have had several consecutive dry nights.

Because of this, I’ve ignored pressure from my mum to try to get him dry at night as I was confident he just wasn’t ready.

As time has gone on, Callum’s pull-up has got heavier and heavier and fills so much it leaks – meaning a change of bed sheets. This can happen 3 times in a week and is making keeping on top of washing impossible and I wondered if Callum was in fact just being lazy!

After all, my Mum, like lots of parents, had us all dry at night in a week after being potty trained! Surely, it was worth a try at least! I was already having to do the washing of sheets and was already up in the night for Millie – actually, was I mad? They could tag team!!

Anyway, I got prepared – I layered Callum’s bed with waterproof mattress protector, waterproof pad, bed sheet, another waterproof pad & 2 towels. I explained to Callum that he was going to go to bed without the pull-up that night. He was apprehensive but I explained we would go to the toilet just before bed and he was to go to the toilet if he needed it or hold until morning.

I checked him at 12.30am when I fed Millie and he was dry. Then again at 5.30am I suspected he was already wet. Sure enough, when he woke after 7 he was wet. He didn’t want to get out of bed and seemed embarrassed.

I told him not to worry, we could just try again the next night. When he did get up, he was up beat and said enthusiastically he would try again. Encouraged by this, I explained this time I would take him to the toilet when we went to bed (as in Stuart and I), which I did. He was still dry at that time.

By morning, he was wet again.

He went into Stuart while I was getting Millie up and said he wanted to wear pull-ups and didn’t want me putting him to bed anymore.

It broke my heart and I realised he really wasn’t ready. Normally, I always give these things at least a week and within 2-3 days he’s got whatever it is we are ‘training’. This time, I knew, if we tried again that night we would be putting too much pressure on him too soon.

So we are back in pull-ups but I am hopeful this little exercise has at least reminded Callum that the aim is to try for a dry pull-up rather than being lazy & going for a wee in his pull-up just because he can. At least this might stop me from having to make quite so many bed changes & sheet washes!

Its all about trial & error this parenting lark!

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Its getting to that time of year again. Christmas! I blogged about my thoughts on Christmas over on t’other blog which is here if you want to read it.

Like the majority of children that celebrate this time of year, I loved Christmas growing up. When my siblings and I were kids the excitement started on Christmas Eves when we would have a bath and get dressed in our brand new Christmas ‘jimjams’, eat our chocolate money in front of the Christmas tree while my Mum took her annual catalogue of photos for the Christmas album.

Then we used to go to bed nice and early (had to be before midnight or Father Christmas wouldn’t come) and lay there willing ourselves to sleep so he wouldn’t pass our house by but the excitement being all too much.

On Christmas morning, it would be a competition to see which of my brother, sister or I could wake up first and whoever it was would run into the others’ bedrooms shouting “he’s been, he’s been” wielding our stockings. It used to really annoy me that I could never wake up first and my brother or sister always used to win until the year, I finally woke up first…but because my brother and sister are 7.5 and 8.5 years older than me, respectively, by this stage they were well into their teenage years and used to start the ‘cheer’ on Christmas eve and lay in as long as possible on Christmas morning. So there’s me running in to wake them up and they weren’t bothered any more and shooed me away!

Then, as we all grew up and moved away from home, Christmas lost a bit of its magic for me. Instead of sharing it with my family I chose to share it with my friends and/or my boyfriend for a few years.

But now that magic is back – now that we have our own children. Especially this year, as Callum will be 4. Christmas meant something to Callum last year, he got the excitement and Father Christmas but this year is even better because he remembers last year and knows what is about to happen again. On top of that, he has a baby sister to share it with – not that Millie will have a clue what is going on or will remember for next year.

We have already taken Callum to see Father Christmas. We took him to see him at Stewarts Garden Centre in Somerford, Christchurch, yesterday. It was the first year that Callum hasn’t been scared of him. He was a little shy but he stood there on his own in front of Father Christmas (we were about 2 ft away in the room with him) and nodded to all of his questions. He happily went to sit next to him for a photo and said “and then you’ll come to my house” as we were leaving. He voluntarily spoke to Father Christmas! This is huge! Callum was absolutely thrilled with his helicopter present too!

Aside from the bar humbugness of the Christmas shopping (which I’ve very nearly finished thankfully) and the fear of whether I am going to survive cooking Christmas dinner for 11 (6 adults, 2 older children and 3 younger children), I can’t wait for Christmas day and seeing Callum’s excited eyes once he has seen Father Christmas has been, eaten his mince pie and drunk his Baileys (yes, Baileys in this house!!) and filled his and Millie’s stocking full!

11 Week Update

So we have been a family of four for over 11 weeks already and the time has flown by!

Millie is so alert and is so easy to make smile. She is trying to laugh and chat back to you in her own little “agoo” way. I remember Callum’s babbling started exactly the same. She is really into her hanging toys on her play gym, giving then a good bash - although not interested in anything handheld like a rattle as of yet.

She is strong and is much happier to be left on her front, lifting her head up than her brother was, though she soon gets fed up and starts trying to swing her legs over. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was rolling before Christmas.

After some up and downs with the whole ‘to bottle feed or not to bottle feed’ dilema, we are now on bottle feeding in the day and breastfeeding at night & for the first feed of the morning. I am happy like this and would like to keep feeding this way for as long as possible. It suits us! It, of course, means I am solely responsible for all the night time feeds and can not spend a night away from Millie at the moment (I could of course express so someone else could do a night feed, but I wouldn’t want to at the moment – certainly not until we’ve been feeding like this for a few more weeks) but I’m happy with that and its not forever.

I am also incredibly proud of myself for achieving my breastfeeding goals – to feed longer than with Callum and to feed off both breasts not just the left. I am also proud have managed to maintain it this long. Its been hard work and there were so many times I wanted to pack it all in at the start but sheer bloody-mindedness kept me going on!

Now for the next challenge! Actually, I am staying pretty relaxed about it (most of the time) rather than thinking of it as a challenge. I’ve remembered the “they’ll do things in their own time” mantra. I have started to try to put Millie down awake so she soothes herself to sleep. It doesn’t work every time…in fact most of the time…but it does occasionally and soon there will be enough of a pattern to her days that we can get some clear routine in place for naps and we can introduce her to sleeping in her cot.

Its through all these stages that I really miss not having an NCT group like with Callum. I have some Mummy ‘friends’ on Twitter who have had babies around the same time and we do tend to ask one another questions but it isn’t the same as when all the mums and babes would meet up from week to week and discuss every inch of our child’s development & routine and compare (in a good way) to one another – not to mention the support everyone gave each other.

We had Millie’s first photoshoot session today. No idea how the photos will turn out. I had a number of outfits but only got a couple in one of my favourites and didn’t get to wear the last one as she started to have enough – not helped by the hiccups. She lasted a good half an hour though and there were some smiles. It will be good to see the results. Hopefully there’ll be at least one nice one anyway!

Callum is just starting to show a little resentment of Millie now. Not anything too obvious or anything nasty directed at Millie but his neediness of us is increasing. We are trying to encourage him to be self-sufficient. Stuff he has been able to do for ages but gets lazy and relies on us for, such as getting dressed himself, cleaning his teeth etc as well as ensuring he remembers his manners etc. He sometimes pushes back on these things for attention and to get some more one on one time with us. He often holds on to one of us for that little extra bit longer too and isn’t so willing to leave nursery at the end of the day. I’m trying to find some time to do things just for him, if Millie is sleeping in her moses basket, I’m trying to sit down with him and play. Unfortunately, these occasions aren’t often enough as we are frequently out and about, have company or Millie is in my arms but if the opportunity is there, I’m trying to take it. I was today also pointing out just how ‘boring’ Millie is at the moment because she can’t do anything & just eats milk and how much he can do because he is a ‘big boy’ and that he gets to eat nice things like chocolate. I think a little of it sank in. 

Despite this, he is still lovely with her. I can already see the protective big brother side of him, even with them being so small. If she cries he will take her bunny to her or pop her dummy back in her mouth. Then he got most upset today when Stuart kissed him goodbye but didn’t kiss Millie as he went into work.

I was looking at a photo of them together the other day and I just get this feeling they are going to be good friends when they are older.

Callum says he loves Millie and at nursery last week when talking about what makes them happy he said Millie. I don’t quite believe him and am not sure where that came from but it was very sweet.

How Your Child Sees You (MeMe)

Its been a while since I was tagged in a MeMe and I quite like this one, particularly because it fits in nicely with the theme of this blog, unlike most of the others I’ve come across! So I can actually genuinely say thank you to Aimee for tagging me this time.

You have to ask your child to draw a picture of you. Well, clearly Millie is too young so it was a job for Callum. Thankfully, he has been in a drawing mood recently so I armed myself with paper and (shiny new) pencils on a visit to Nanna & Grandpa’s to encourage him to draw a picture of me.

“No, I’m drawing an aeroplane, flying”

“I’ll draw a rainbow”

“OK Mummy”…..”Its Toys”

I gave up! Thankfully, I have a back up plan! A couple of days earlier he voluntarily drew a lovely family portrait so, this may be cheating, but here is me:

I was pleased to see I had a smile on my face this time (last time I was sad).

I enquired about the green line surrounding me:

“You’re trapped and you’re trying to get out”.

Clearly a very perceptive and sensitive child!

I wasn’t brave enough to ask why I had bubble type arms whereas everyone else had sticks…I feared I may have got back “they’re your boobies mummy” considering he has seen a fair bit of them since Millie has been born. Safer left unsaid!

I feel it is only fair, now, to share with you the whole picture. From left to right, Me, Callum, Millie (the green person by his hand, the one by his head is a “funny head”) and Stuart.

I do love that he is actually drawing proper recognisable ‘things’ and people now. I’m always excited to see what his next picture may be.

So, I now pass the baton on to Karen, Kara and Tas. Good luck (and sorry if Memes aren’t your thing)!

I am 4 Years Old

I am 4 Years Old!

I’m a big boy now

I am very helpful – I like to help Mummy do jobs around the house, like put the washing on, hang washing on the line and fill/empty the dishwasher. I also like to help Mummy with Millie getting her new nappy ready when Mummy is changing her or getting a muslin when Mummy has left it somewhere

I also like to make a lot of mess and spread this mess about all over the house

I now have a bike like Daddy. I still have stabilisers but I am learning and love riding it

I love my family and friends and tell them lots that I love them

I hate it when Mummy cries (when Baby Millie makes her booby hurt) and tell her that I love her and give her a cuddle

I have lots and lots of energy

I like to got outside to play, I like to go places and see people, I like shopping but particularly like eating out. In fact every time we go past a restaurant, cafe, supermarket I get hungry all of a sudden, but Mummy & Daddy keep telling me its a treat to eat out and costs money so we don’t go often

I am always hungry

I can now count to 13 on my own but sometime like to invent numbers like eleventeen. I can also recognise bigger numbers when I see them. I like to count and look for numbers a lot

At night I like to cuddle my doggy called Suzie and my teddy called…er….Teddy!

My favourite meal is probably Sausages and Chips

I like to say everything is my ‘favourite one’ even if I haven’t tried it or don’t know what it is – I also ‘love’ everything too

Since becoming 4, I now like cauliflower, red & orange pepper and mushrooms

I still wear a pull up at night, but hey, that’s ok

I like to go to sleep with the light on. My Auntie LaLa bought me a rocket lava lamp for my birthday so I go to sleep with this light on and Mummy & Daddy turn it off once I’m asleep.

I get up and make my own breakfast in the morning before Mummy and Daddy wake up. Though Mummy turns the toaster off now so I don’t burn the house down, despite bringing her toast in bed once!

I like to watch Dora the Explorer and would watch it non-stop if Mummy let me but she says I can only watch 2 episodes a day

The real reason I go downstairs when I get up is so I can sneak a few more extra episodes of Dora in without Mummy knowing how many I’m watching!

I can dress myself and clean my own teeth but sometimes I pretend I can’t. I’ve been doing this for a year or two but sometimes ‘forget’ and try to get Mummy or Daddy to do it

I like swimming. I’m very brave and jump in without any fear. I also prefer to swim with my face in the water. I can’t swim without arm bands as I’m still learning to kick my legs correctly but I’m getting there.

I love going to Nursery and go twice a week, on Thursday and Friday

I’m so big now that I can’t reach from my feet to my head with my hands

When I get bigger and I’m a girl, I’m going to help Mummy feed Millie with my boobies