Help, I'm not fat enough! - 33 weeks, 1 day

I had the first of two extra growth scans today which couldn't have come at a better time as, get this, today I was worried I had not put on enough weight!!! Yes, you read that right, not enough weight!! There's no pleasing some people is there!

Basically, I weighed myself at 28 weeks and had put on 1 stone 5 lb since finding out I was pregnant. At this stage I didn't know if this was good or bad but it is normal, from that point as I entered the third trimester, to put on an average of 1 lb a week until the birth. That'd put me at aproximately 2 stone 3 lb if I was to give birth on my due date.

I was then advised at my consultant appointment following that to start taking low dose aspirin once a day. I read somewhere that taking aspirin in your third trimester could lead to the baby not growing properly but as I'd also be having 2 growth scans, I knew if there were any issues they'd be picked up.

Then today I step on the scales again & find I've only put on a lb since 28 weeks! I was expecting 5 lb. so I was worried! My bump has only grown about a centimetre during that time too.

So I was quite nervous as I went in for the scan but quite quickly my fears were proved to be unfounded as the measurements in the scan were all shown to be in the normal range. They checked the fluid around the baby and again all was well. Liver appeared to be fine and the umbilical artery doing what it was supposed to do. More Good news, my bouncing on my exercise ball had paid off as baby was no longer oblique/transverse like she was at my last mw appointment but was nicely head down with her limbs all over to my right. Apparently, she will most likely stay there now although may flip from right to left...I'm pretty sure she has been flipping back and forth for most of the afternoon.

After the scan I went for my clinic appointment with the mw & consultant. The mw checked my blood pressure & the first reading was 142/86 which had jumped up quite a lot since my last appointment of 122/70, but she wasn't concerned & I knew I had been worried about the scan so knew that could be affecting it. Still, she took it again and it was fractionally lower a 136/84. She told me that my urine sample was being sent off as it did show there were a few white blood cells present which indicated the start of a urine infection. This made sense as I had been feeling some sharp pains in my bladder area of late & suspected this was the cause. She said there was also a little bit of glucose but was a low reading so likely just that I'd had something sugary.

The consultant was rather lovely & reminded me of a better looking Hugh Grant a lot more confident than the last one I had seen, was professional, and came across very knowledgeable and understanding. He wasn't concerned about my blood pressure or any of the results. He made sure I was happy without any concerns. He said, because my high bp was quite a late onset last time that there was only a 5% chance of it happening again and, unless there was a clear symptom which indicated a risk or there was a worry at the next growth scan, they will not look to induce me...unless of course I go the other way & am so overdue that they induce me....which you just know is going to happen!!

I asked about what would happen if my waters broke early again. He said if it was before 35 weeks (so in the next couple of weeks...eek!) then it was normal that they would let me go a bit longer..until either I got to 35/36 weeks or labour came on automatically as it was more important that the baby got to near enough term/fully mature but if was after this time they would wait 24-36 hours to see of I progressed naturally before inducing me as then an infection would be a bigger risk. I guess this would still depend on bp and other symptoms.

So...pretty much, all good! Oh....and baby is still looking like a little girl so no sex change that we are aware of!

I can just be happy in the knowledge that I haven't put on as much weight this time so should hopefully lose it quicker after birth too...*shovels another mouthful of chocolate sundae into mouth*


I now have weekly midwife checks and another growth scan and consultant appointment in 4 weeks.

Current pregnancy ramblings - 32 weeks, 5 days

As the weeks get closer to D-day (due day/delivery day), I'm getting increasingly nervous I'm going to have another early baby. Callum wasn't 'that' early, he was just short of term, and all signs this pregnancy say I'm going to go full term. I'll most likely be joining the pregnant, overdue & fed-up club and end up being induced 14 days late! But there are also many similarities between this pregnancy and my last and what if this one comes earlier than the last?

I'm nervous that I am working up until 2.5 weeks before due date (1 week after the time Callum was born) and even if the baby is only a few days early, that doesn't give me much time to rest before baby number 2 comes. I'm really starting to get tired now so it does concern me that I might need some rest time.

Every little twinge or tightening makes me think 'please not now, not yet'. I've packed a lot of my hospital bag now but still have a lot to sort out for it. I'm starting to think of practical things like carrying my notes with me wherever I go and even the car seat!

I have the first of 2 extra scans on Thursday so hopefully the results of that will help me relax a bit more but I guess it's no real surprise I'm dreaming lots at the moment and often having nightmares.

I keep telling myself to chill & on the surface I am but I must acknowledge that this is how I am feeling inside!

Planning the unplannable - 31 weeks

Ive been behaving like a bit of a diva recently with regards to the hospital I choose to have my baby in. The issue being, I was spoilt when I had Callum at the royal Surrey hospital in Guildford. Its a lovely hospital with great facilities. They make an effort with the rooms...even if it's just putting a picture on the wall and providing a comfy chair for the partners! It wasnt by any means perfect, the food was...special...and not in a good way, but I was happy to be having my baby there. Although the circumstances could have been better when I had Callum (my high bp, and Callum being early), and the epidural I had was only effective for the first hit, overall, I still had a positive birth experience. Being the only birth I've had, it is also my only point of reference.

So now we are in Bournemouth. My midwife tells me the hospital I'm most likely to go to doesn't offer tours and they don't offer mobile epidurals, which is what I had before. So I start to get nervous. I don't want to be bed bound and I don't want a catheter. This is the issue with having a full epidural.

I've also heard a couple of negative stories about Poole. What it looks like, how busy it is, how people have been turned away, bad experiences. Because of this, I started making enquiries about nearby Salisbury hospital. My midwife said she hasn't had anyone have their baby there but she had heard of people that had chose to go there over Poole so advised me to go and see it, which I did yesterday.

Let's just say it isn't guildford and isn't what I was hoping it would be. The various maternity wards were off a long concrete corridor not too disimilar to an underground war bunker. The rooms were hospital functional and nothing 'comfortable' about them. They did offer ensuite facilities with a nice big bath in 8 out of 10 of the labour rooms which Guildford didn't have but nothing else felt inviting. Like Poole, they didnt offer mobile epidurals. I asked if the lady showing us around knew of any differences between the facilities of Poole and Salisbury. She admitted she didn't know much about Poole but she did know it was busier than Salisbury and 'not as nice'. Well if Poole wasn't as nice as Salisbury it must be frightening!

I was really disappointed. I still wasn't going to get my epidural and I wasn't enamoured by what I saw.

So I came home and had a strop and moaned to a few people, twitter and Facebook. Then I gave myself a good talking to. I wasn't booking a holiday, I was having a baby! Everyone who has had more than one baby will tell you no two births are the same...it was highly likely I may not want, need or have time for an epidural. I may not care, when the time comes whether I'm bed bound or have a catheter. Who knows what would happen. I'm keen to try the birthing pool, if available, this time...that may be all the pain relief I need. Why was I stressing myself out over this when it may well be for nothing.

I also know from past experiences and was enforced on my reiki training, that the more you stress & force things the less they are likely to happen. If you relax and take things as they come they usually turn out right.

So that's what I'm going to do. I've taken a chill pill! What will be will be! I am still going to contact Poole to see if they do have a tour or to see if they will let me visit anyway, but if not, I'll accept it. I've since heard several really good reports of poole maternity unit and the care they provide. So time to stop worrying about it and put my efforts into growing this bubba!

Don't want mummy

Callum is revisiting the "I don't want mummy, I want daddy" phase again. This is nothing new and I've even blogged about it before but with my pregnancy hormones I keep letting it get to me. I find it exhausting!

As I've said before, I know he doesn't really understand or mean what he says in the way we take it to mean. I know its because I am the constant parent in his life where stuart works more and therefore not around as much as I am. This can lead to either being spoilt by Stuart or, the other extreme, a stressed Stuart being unfairly cross with him.

But knowing this doesn't make dealing with it any easier when I'm tired & emotional myself.

One example recently was when I was very tired and Callum had been difficult all day. He was pushing me but somehow I was managing to stay patient with him. But eventually, after refusing to do anything I asked at bedtime and after constant cries of "I don't want you, I want daddy" I broke...ran into my bedroom desperately texting Stuart pleading with him to come home soon. I couldn't take it anymore. Callum could see I was crying & I explained the things he was saying was hurtful to mummy & made me sad. I asked him how he would feel if I told him all the time I didn't want him. Then Stuart came home & again pointed out he was being mean to me and making me cry. Callum then seemed upset I was crying and kept saying "mummy not crying any more" and hugged me and eventually said he loved me with prompting.

I thought he got it. He stopped saying it for a while. Started saying he loved me again where as he had been saying he didn't love mummy he only loved daddy. But recently he is slipping back into not wanting me again.

The worst day is a Monday. After being spoilt from daddy or nanna and/or getting daddy attention over the weekend, Callum hates Monday's and hates saying goodbye to daddy in the morning. He starts being difficult and I spend the day trying to recondition him to being a well behaved boy again. Thankfully, he then turns back in to nice Callum for the rest of the week and only cries for daddy if he hurts himself.

I imagine some of this is down to me not being able to do the things I used to before I was pregnant, like pick him up and the further along the pregnancy line I go, the less I can do those things. The tiredness creeping back now means I don't play with him as much and makes me short tempered sometimes. I know all this is going to have a affect on Callum and his behaviour. I do worry how he will be when the baby is here and I hope we can have some mummy-Callum only time so I can make it up to him.

I remember Callum was like this a bit before Stuart went away to India last and the time just us was good for us. I fell in favour again. Stuart is due to go away again to America for a week so perhaps it will be just what Callum and I need. Either that or I'll be hitting the imaginary wine bottle!

Being looked after: 29 weeks, 1 day

I had a consultants appointment at the hospital yesterday. The appointment was because of my high blood pressure with Callum at the time he was born. High blood pressure can be a symptom of pre-eclampsia which is a very serious condition that can occur in pregnancy. The consultant explained it as the blood vessels leading to the placenta not working properly. It can be dangerous for both the baby and the mother. More information about it can be found here.

Although my blood pressure was high with Callum and Callum was early, I don't consider myself as having pre-eclampsia and so haven't really been too concerned. However, I was pleased & reassured that they were taking the risk seriously. On the other hand, it also makes me worry more and I guess, if you read the literature, I should be a little worried and cautious. The risk of pre-eclampsia is lower in second pregnancies though if I had it previously, that makes the risk higher that I'd get it again. So one seems to cancel the other out.

What all this does mean is that they monitor me more closely. I will have two extra scans and, because symptoms typically start to show after 30 weeks, I will start to have weekly check-ups. I have a mw appointment the week after next then, two weeks after that is the first of my two extra scans so I think the weekly checks will start after that. The consultant also advised me to start taking 75mg of aspirin daily which, apparently, I should have been taking since I was 12 weeks pregnant but can still benefit me if I start taking it now.

I am pleased I get to see my bubba again but the appointment has left me feeling a little anxious and it all feels very real now.