Saturday 20 February 2016

Football and The Hand of Poo

I'm sure everyone has a potty training horror story to tell, I've heard some of my friends tales and yes I'm no different so this is the one that left me pleading with the universe to swallow me up and spit me out a long way from any wee, poo or a potty!

On Wednesday evenings, Callum has football training at the local leisure centre. It has always been a rush to get him there on time after I've finished work.

Having collected Callum from after school club, I picked Millie up from nursery and was disappointed that she'd had a particular bad day for accidents and had gone through all her spare clothes but I had one spare pare of knickers in the car and the potty. No time to go home and get spares tonight. I've sometimes borrowed stuff from the nursery but didn't think to on this fateful day!

I then headed to the leisure centre and once again arrived late for the start of his football practice.

Once I've dropped Callum off I take Millie to the cafe for some tea as per normal where I sometimes meet my friend (one of the other mums) and her daughter.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far and tea went fine though we left it quite late to head back to collect our boys. As I picked up Millie I could feel she was wet. I sighed but had no time to sort it now. I decided I'd change her into the spare knickers back at the car and could then put her straight in the car with something over her legs to keep her warm. It wouldn't matter she had no bottoms as she'd only be in the car.

Halfway across the short walk to the all-weather pitches Millie cries 'poo'. No, not now. There's no way I can take her to the toilet and still collect Callum in time. Looking back, why I didn't ask my friend to just let the coach know I was on my way but needed to take Millie to the toilet, I've no idea. Anyway, I pleaded with Millie to hold on while I went to collect Callum.

I had to pay the coach some fees and Stuart chose just that moment to call me about stuff while Millie was making funny faces - not the type to make you laugh the type that says the poo is coming.

I got rid of Stuart, paid as quick as I could and whisked the kids back to the car. I asked Millie if she still needed a poo and she nodded so I grabbed the potty from the boot, yanked down her leggings and knickers in one go and pretty much shoved her on the potty. Being a winter evening it was dark and there was a bush sheilding her from the football pitches and half the car park and I didnt think the queue of traffic waiting to leave the car park our side of the Bush would be paying much attention. And then I realised as I felt the squelch between my fingers, it was too late, she had already done it in her knickers.

In the action of pulling her knickers down I had spread it down her legs, it was over her damp leggings and all over the potty, not forgetting my hand. I had no wet wipes as I had come straight from work. I had no tissues. There was poo everywhere. I couldn't run her to the toilets because she was naked from the waist down, covered in poo, as was I. I couldn't leave her outside the car while I ran to get tissue from the leisure centre which was about 150 meters away. I didnt trust Callum to go on his own and get a useful supply of wet and dry tissue. I tried to clean my hand on the mud and leaves and then called my friend hoping she was still somewhere in the car park but there was no answer.

I hunted in the car for anything I could use and found a tiny scrap of very used snot tissue. I tried to use it to clean her legs but by now the poo had started to dry. I tried her wet clothes from the nursery but it wasn't much use. It was pitch black and I couldn't see what I was doing so I tried to use the torch on my phone while I attempted to clean her but I needed more than one hand to clean but couldn't put the phone down anywhere that would effectively illuminate Millie enough, it isn't the brightest of torches.

It was about this point when I started pleading to the sky saying "why? Why? Why do these things happen to me? What am I supposed to do?" The drivers in the queue of cars trying to get out of the carpark, if they noticed, pretending not to and noone offered to help and no miracle cleaning solution presented itself, I needed to work this out myself. Yelling at the sky wasn't going to solve this.

I piled her poo covered clothes into a Bag For Life and found a medium sized plastic carrier bag from a clothes shop and placed it on Millie's car seat. The potty also went in the Bag for Life. I carefully picked Millie up and placed her on the bag but it was little protection to the seat as I needed to plug her seat belt in. I wrapped her coat around her legs, told Callum he was not to move or make a noise. I shut them in the car and ran to the leisure centre toilets.

I washed my hands, then washed them again. Then washed them a third time. I picked up a handful of tissue but knew it was pointless as only a shower was going to clean her now!

When I got back to the car I then noticed some poo on the car park floor but there was nothing I could do about that now, I had to leave it.

When I got home, I rushed her straight up to the bathroom and put the car seat cover in the washing machine along with any of the clothes I could salvage. The rest went in the bin along with the Bag for Life.

Only the children's bedtime was now standing between me and a large glass of wine or 3! Sod the no midweek drinking rule!

It's just a phase it's just a phase it's just a phase...

London and a broken foot later!

I've been away from blogging for a while now but recently I feel like my life has turned into a bit of a sitcom, so figured it was about time I reignited my blog so I can share these crazy moments with you.

The first incident that got me writing blog posts in my head again was Millie's Poo in a Car Park incident but while what had been happening over the last couple of days is fresh in my head it is probably best I start with the story that led to Millie with her foot in a cast. I know you are sorely disappointed but don't worry, it will come.

Of course, not in anyway funny and I wasn't laughing but taking into consideration my concerns leading up to our day trip, this incident could only happen to me/us!

Last year, Southwest Trains kept doing special offers on tickets during the school holidays which is great as I always feel gutted that I can't take the kids to London as it makes for a very expensive trip. Making the assumption (first mistake) they'd do it again this February half term, I planned a trip to London. I took Millie out of nursery and decided we'd go to The Science Museum. My second mistake was telling Callum my plans a week before. He was very excited.

As the half term drew closer I started looking at ticket prices but couldn't see any discount tickets. I thought maybe they wouldn't be offered until actual half term week so decided to leave it but doubt started to kick in.

Then, on Valentines day Callum gave me a homemade card saying how much he was looking forward to going to London.

I left booking tickets until the day before but it quickly became clear there definitely weren't any discount tickets. In fact there were probably cheaper flights to other countries. But remembering Callum's Valentines card, how could I let him down?

By now I had started to imagine what Millie in London would be like. Was London ready for Millie? Was I ready for Millie in London? Just me, Callum and The Wild One! What the hell was I thinking?

I put out a public plee on Facebook asking if anyone else fancied joining me for a bit of moral support but it wasn't to be.

I was going to have to man up and do this on my own. It would be fine, we'd have a good time and I was worrying over nothing. Though the feeling of impending doom didn't leave me.

That night Millie woke a couple of times so neither of us were feeling particularly chirpy but after a couple of battles about what constituted sensible clothes as is the norm with Millie we made it to the station in plenty of time to buy our tickets and breakfast and catch the 7.59 train.

The train was already fairly full and it looked like we might not get 3 seats but some kind commuters moved for us so we could sit together and each have our own seat.

Following advice from friends I was prepared with snacks and things to keep Callum and Millie occupied for the 2 hour journey so it all started so well.

Then came the first event. Callum came back from the toilet looking embarrassed for having had a bit of a no.2 accident due to the wobbly train. No problem, we headed straight to the toilets when we arrived at London Waterloo. 30p to 'spend a penny' so I was starting to explain to Callum that he'd have to go in on his own when the toilet attendant let us through saying children were free and I went through without paying either - bonus! The messy pants went in the bin and Callum went commando, sorted!

Now to navigate the Underground. We made it to Westminster where we were changing from the jubilee line to the Circle line and were on about the third escalator (or ecselator as Callum says it) when it happened. Millie wanted to stand on it on her own so was on the step in front of me. When we got near to the bottom she wasn't moving to get off the escalator so I picked her up and she yelled and burst into tears. I took her to the side and asked her what hurt and she told me it was her foot so I removed her boot and sock and, thinking she was making a bit of a fuss rubbed her foot and said it was all fine, giving it a kiss better and put her sock and boot back on but she wasn't calming. I tried to distract her with a sweet, a Percy Pig Tail no less, but she just held it and wouldn't stand or put her foot down so I carried her the rest of the way on to the next Tube train and to the Science Museum.

When we got to the museum she was still holding her sweet, things must be bad, she still wouldn't stand and not even purchasing an activity pack interested her.

I was tired from carrying her and by now very hot from wearing many layers on the Underground and was overheating. We headed to the cloakroom where there was a long queue. Millie still wasn't standing and I was struggling to hold her, take off and hold our coats as well as getting my money in preparation to pay for the cloakroom. I moved out of the queue and tried to get to the bottom of Millie's sore foot. She wouldn't put her foot down or put her shoe on once is removed it again or let me even look at it which wasn't surprising in retrospect and after how I had treated it at the tube station. We sat in a pile of bags and coats with her crying not able to tell me what happened. I started considering the hospital and didn't want to put our coats in the cloakroom if we weren't staying but still struggling to hold it all. Millie wanted to stay and not go to the hospital but this was madness. I decided we had to go so thought about getting a taxi but decided to try a first aider first as they might be able to sort out transport should they think we needed to go.

Upon arrival of the first aider, Millie's state instantly changed, she stopped crying, started eating her sweet and singing. It's amazing how fear makes us react and what little ones will do to try to protect themselves. It was an act to make us think she was OK.

Now in the first aid room it took about 30 minutes to remove Millie's sock and get a look at her foot. She started saying it was better now and then pointed to her heal saying that's where it hurt when I knew that wasn't the case as she had been holding and hiding her toes and top of her foot from me. However, we could see her foot was swollen. It took another half hour to convince Millie to put a cold compress on her foot. She was sitting on her ankles and resting on her knees so the first aiders said they didn't think it was broken if she could sit like that and a she had calmed down too but she still wouldn't stand on it or let us touch it. We tried a couple of times to put her boot on but it wasn't happening. I thought maybe after some food she might relax and start walking on it again. The first aiders said that we knew ourselves how painful foot injuries felt when first injured but they quickly feel better and he thought it was just a sprain. He offered us a wheelchair so we could still see the museum before we left.

We took it and, 2 hours after arriving at the museum we headed out to find the cloakroom once more and have some lunch.

After lunch we made a toilet stop. As I came out the toilet I realised I felt lighter in my pockets. My phone and train tickets were missing! I hunted through our belongings then ran back in to the toilet but nothing was in the cubicle. Panic started to rise! I frantically searched our belongings again but nothing. Maybe I'd left it at the lunch spot, maybe I was pick pocketed on the crowded lift or the toilet queue. There was nothing at the lunch spot. By now I was shaking and very close to breaking down in tears. I needed to head to the front desk again as that is where lost property went. I queued for the lift, first one was full, second one people tried to push in and I pleaded like a deranged lady to let me get in as I'd lost my phone and train tickets. They got out again and I could feel everyone in the lift staring at me as I shook and tried not to breakdown. I then got out at the wrong floor! I had to wait for another lift thinking the more time that passed the less likely I would get them back.

When I got to the desk I had an agonising wait as other people were being helped but as soon as I asked if anything has been handed in and he asked my name I knew it was OK as someone had handed them in and the relief I felt and the joy and love for the good samaritan that had handed them in. I can't tell you how happy and relieved I felt. I'd thought I was stranded without my phone, would have to pay for all the train tickets again and even our cloakroom tickets were tucked in my phone case. All this on top of the worry about Millie's sore foot but there are still decent people in the world!

Ok so now it was gone 2pm,we had been at the museum for 3 hours and we still hadn't actually seen any of it! Callum had been amazing, patient, calm and didn't once complain that we hadn't looked around any of the museum. Millie was happy enough now she was in her wheelchair. I asked Callum which exhibition he wanted to see first and he said Space which was perfect as we were right next door to it and it was top of my list too!

The rest of the afternoon was incident free, we charged round a few of the floors, pushed a few interactive buttons but didn't see as much or spend as much time looking at stuff as we normally would have wanted to but after an hour and a half of looking around Millie wanted to go home. I treated them both to a small toy spaceman before handing in the wheelchair and starting the effort back through the Underground and home carrying Millie. Several times people offered seats to me while I held Millie. People can be nice!

We had missed the train I had wanted to catch to miss the rush hour so I grabbed the kids a pasty/sausage roll and waited for the first (rush hour) train. We got a table easily enough and were lucky that two family-friendly business men sat near us. They talked to Callum and Millie throughout the journey and didn't mind the occasional shout from Millie when Callum and I did something she didn't want us to. In truth Callum and Millie were very well behaved during both train journeys and the men commented as much.

When we got home we took Millie's sock off and her poor foot was much more swollen than it had been earlier and it was clear it needed to be seen medically. I gave her some ibuprofen and decided to take her in the morning which presented a bit of a challenge as Callum had a hospital appointment himself at 3.25pm.

The next morning I headed to Poole Emergency Department rather than the nearer Bournemouth so we would be in the right location for Callum's appointment later. We got to the hospital at 10.45 and were triaged almost immediately then just a 5 minute wait before into x-ray. There was a fair wait for the doctor who broke the news that Millie had 4 fractures in her foot poor thing and so she would need to speak to a special bone doctor. I felt awful!

A cast was put on - pink of course - and we were finished at 2.30pm, just under an hour before Callum had his appointment so time for a quick cuppa.

Callum's ENT appointment went well, we were seen quickly and out by 4.15pm.

So that's the story and if you are still reading then you deserve a medal but thank you.

She is adapting to her cast very well and now crawls while meowing like a cat.