Friday 30 December 2011
Firstly, a conversation had with Callum:
Callum: Where's your baby?
Me: My baby? In my belly.
Callum: Callum too.
Me: Yes, Callum came from my belly too.
Callum: My baby's in my handbag
Me: Your baby's in your handbag?
Callum: Yes, your baby is in your handbag and my baby is in my handbag three (he doesn't get the word 'too' and says 'three' instead)
and secondly, an observation of Stuart.
He is so much more engaged with this pregnancy and baby than he was the first time. I remember first time round he said he found it hard to connect with the baby as it didn’t have an identity and, although he felt very nervous about the scan and he deeply wanted the baby, he said he didn’t feel too attached too it at that point – he had distanced himself from it in case the worst happened. Whereas I had expected to be like that but actually found myself quite attached already.
This time however, he is very protective of me, especially with Callum jumping over me and last night he kissed my belly and said “Hello Baby” – something he didn’t do until much later in my pregnancy and appeared to me to feel quite awkward doing last time(preferring to stick to the lighthearted Darth impression of “I am your Father””). Not sure what it is, maybe being a bit older, wiser, and more prepared but he definitely seems different this time.
Typically, I think I’m the other way this time – preferring to stay a little distant!
Thursday 29 December 2011
I’d heard of others going off alcohol when pregnant but knew that could never happen to me. It didn’t with Callum though I didn’t touch a drop (except a glass on the day we found out) for the first 12 weeks and then only had the odd glass of wine or pimms or two a week for the rest of the pregnancy. I certainly didn’t go off wine but I didn’t crave it either as I didn’t feel I was missing out having the odd glass here and there.
So no one is more surprised than me to admit that I just can’t face the thought of a glass of red wine. It has been absolutely no hardship to not drink alcohol since the day I found out – its just like a switch that has been flicked. One minute I’d hanker for that smooth warm dark liquid coursing down my throat the next – nothing! No want or desire at all! Looking ahead to Christmas, however, I wasn’t going to miss out on my glass of Champers on Christmas morning and could imagine a sneaky glass of Baileys still being had.
Traditionally, Christmas in my household has always been a boozy affair and goes a little like this:
- Wake up to cups of tea, chocolate biscuits and the opening of the stocking.
- Get showered, dressed and head downstairs for smoked salmon, scrambled egg and Champers (some crazy people have Bucksfizz but I’ve never been too keen on the Champers & orange combo and who wants to water down the Champagne anyway???)
- After brekkie, we open tree presents while drinking another glass or three of Champers
- Then we ooh and ahh over our own and everyone else’s presents, sometimes make a dress change into new Christmas rags and make an attempt to make some floor space around the new presents while drinking our favourite long drink or a glass of wine.
- Dinner gets on the way and more drinking ensues while cooking and waiting
- Dinner is served and, of course, more drink in the way of wine is consumed
- After dinner there is Bailey’s & Brandy or some port and cheese for those who are inclined, followed by the Bailey’s & Brandy – sometimes separately or, if you are me, my mum, my dad or Stuart, you throw the two in together. We may help it along with a cup of tea/coffee.
- Then we continue with the Baileys/Brandy for the rest of the night while playing games eventually falling into bed around midnight!
I allowed myself one glass of champers in the morning, one glass of ‘white’ wine (with apologies to my mum for all the rose wine she had stocked up on for me) with dinner and then finished the day about 5 hours later on a glass of Baileys. I would not consider drinking as much as that on any other occasion while pregnant but it was Christmas and there was about 3 and then 5 hours between each drink.
This amount was just right. I didn’t feel like I missed out I didn’t feel like I was the only sober one among a household of pissheads, I didn’t feel like a party pooper – I just had a really good time. I actually said that perhaps it was a valuable lesson learned as I actually probably enjoyed it more because of it!
One thing still typical of Christmas – I ate far too much!
It does appear though that pregnancy is affecting my eating habits a bit. Whatever I eat one day I can then not face for ages. I’ve gone off turkey (unsurprisingly), buffet food, Chinese, Thai, pizza, bananas among other things. I eat a lot of the time because I have to and because I feel sick if I don’t.
I have felt queasy off and on and have gagged numerous times on catarrh – the gag reflex is already much more sensitive. I would have been sick first thing this morning too if I had anything in my tummy.
The main issue with this pregnancy is tiredness. I really don’t remember it being this bad last time. I really could sleep my way through this winter. Just curl up in bed, shut my eyes, only waking for the odd (frequent) wee and water top up! I go to bed exhausted and wake up still tired then am tired throughout the day. The life of a hedgehog seems quite appealing right now!
Cue a run to the toilet to be sick! Which reminds me of another woe – the bloatedness. I get full up so quick and if I ignore this and overeat I feel sick again and tiredness makes me feel sick. Usually, it is just the feeling of being sick rather than actual being but if my gag reflex is triggered or I think too much about it….well you don’t need details.
But the bloatedness is horrible. I am already the size (or maybe larger now) than I was when I was 14+4 weeks pregnant with Callum because of bloating. My tummy feels hard and I feel uncomfortable all the time. I already look pregnant which surely isn’t normal for this stage! Its depressing!
Sorry for all the moaning but you’ve got another 8 months of this I’m afraid so you better get used to it! I’m not a bloomer that’s for sure!
…and someone told me the first 12 weeks would fly by this time! Its not!!!!
Wednesday 21 December 2011
It was also confirmed that my sister knew after my slip up with her husband!
Feels odd people knowing so early on but at least I can relax and not worry about slipping up (again) now they know. We’ll be telling my brother & SIL on Christmas day when we see them.
The tiredness has set in this week- more so than normal! I didn’t think that was possible., Everything feels like a momentous effort even when I’m not feeling exhausted but then in the afternoon the extreme fatigue hits.
Unfortunately, 3 year olds don’t understand this kind of tiredness! They’ve spent all their lives fighting it. Calluim and I had been to meet some friends in Portsmouth. I got home about 3 and collapsed on the sofa. All I wanted to do was sleep. Callum was having none of it and decided he wasn’t getting enough attention so weed on the floor! He has been doing really well at asking to go to the toilet recently so I know this was all for attention! Could be a long 9 months!
Stuart was wonderful – he came home earlier than he would have normally done, put Callum to bed and cooked me dinner while I tried to nap – unfortunately, I can’t do daytime napping (even when pregnant) its just not in my make-up! I dozed slightly and my body did that thing where your muscles relax and jolts but that’s about it.
I’ve had a horrible cold over the last 4-5 days which hasn’t helped and I’m not sure if it is a combination of this and the tiredness that has made me feel mildly nauseous. So here it begins!
On the other hand, I’m still in denial – keep doing knicker-watch expecting to start my period!
Thursday 15 December 2011
Its Christmas again! Already? Surely it was only Christmas 6 months ago?
Actually,I think I’m just about there with the present shopping, having bought my last present today! Can’t say the same for Stuart though! But having done 96% of it all myself I draw the line at getting all my own presents, i,e, the ones for me from him and the kids (kids plural because our cat Lotté is a dependent too), and if he wont give me any ideas for his brother then he’ll have to produce something himself. So, as far as I’m concerned, I’m done! I’ve even managed most of the wrapping with just a few bits left to do which I’ll finish tonight! Can I have a gold star please? A medal? OK, a paper hat at least?
One thing I’ve struggled with though is the presents I’ve helped wrap for Father Christmas. I have used Father Christmas wrapping paper so Callum knows they are from Him and not from us but, to assist with the magic of Christmas I’ve tried to keep this paper separate and hidden from the prying eyes of Callum. Easier said than done in a 2 bed house with no storage!!!! The wrapped presents are hidden in the wardrobe ready for the elves to take them to Father Christmas with the wrapping paper hidden under the bed. Hidden so well that on about 3 separate occasions I’ve walked into the bedroom to find Callum playing with it! Hrmph!
Just like with the presents I’ve bought on behalf of Father Christmas. I’ve been helping him out as his elves were struggling to keep up with all the gifts because, apparently, its been a record year for the ‘Nice List’ this year, so the fairy on top of the Christmas tree tells me! How do you go shopping for a 3 year old when that 3 year old is with you! He had to have his Spiderman umbrella early as he saw it and then wouldn’t let it go when I bought it! Then I secretly bought 2 books which I managed to hide under the pushchair just for us to have an ice-lolly incident (who buys a child an ice-lolly in December?…mentioning no names but my eyes are looking in Stuart’s direction) in a shop which meant I needed to find a bag to dispose of the remains of the ice-lolly and the tissues I’d used to clean up – the only one I could use was the one containing these books. Sure enough, a little later he spots the books under the pushchair! *Sigh*
I’m no good at this secretive stuff! Next year, Father Christmas can do it all himself, its all too stressful. He’s been doing it for longer than me and knows what he is doing! Leave it to the professional I say!
At least it will all be worth it to see Callum’s face on Christmas morning! This year should be the first one he really remembers – lets just hope that the memories made on the actual day are plenty and big enough to push out those less significant from the preparation leading up to it.
Tuesday 13 December 2011
The conversation went like this when I called earlier today:
Dave: I believe congratulations are in order?
Me: Congratulations? Why? (heart rate starts to increase)
Dave: Cos you’re pregnant!
Me: Pregnant? Why would I be pregnant? (my mind races to think who could have told him – could someone from the weekend have seen another friend who called Dave (about a separate matter) and let it slip?)
Dave: Well if you don’t know that by now, I’m not going to tell you.
(it dawns on my….the house!!! I’m about to say when he continues)
Dave: No, I meant the house…unless I’ve stumbled upon something I wasn’t supposed to…?
(silence for about 30 seconds)
Me: *nervous laugh* er….maybe….
Dave then had the good grace to pass over the conversation and get on to the point of my call. The question is, will he tell my sister? I have a feeling he might not but is a big ask for a man not to tell his wife about something so big, I’d understand if he did say something.
I feel gutted for being so stupid! If we' had been having the conversation in person rather than over the phone then I may as well have had a pregnant neon sign above my head it was so obvious!
In other news, my boobs hurt and I am doing well at playing the part of “angry mum”! I’m not quite sure if Callum is just going through an attention seeking phase where he is really trying to push boundaries and test my patience or whether I am just extra tetchy at the moment. I feel like I’ve been short tempered with absolutely no patience for about a month now! Just call me The Christmas Grouch!
Monday 12 December 2011
Stuart and I had decided to have a couple of months of ‘relaxed trying’ with the intention to get on with the trying properly in March/April next year.
One thing I wanted to avoid was having another baby in September!!!! With Stuart’s Birthday and Callum’s both in September, my nieces too, a lot of our friends have their Birthdays, anniversaries etc in September, it is also when we have previously aimed to take a holiday, it is a crazy month and I dread it every year. So, one thing was clear, I wasn’t doing it again. Because of that, I had worked out that I should avoid training in December or January because that was when Callum was conceived!
So, October was month one and came and went without success, despite noticing many possible symptoms and a day late period!!! I took about 3 tests which all came back negative!
Then it was November. November was a particularly busy month so opportunities for getting jiggy were minimal (MIL – you may want to skip past the finer details bit ) but we managed once during prime fertility time. After confusing my period dates a couple of times in the previous months thinking I was due a period a week before I actually was, I had decided to track my periods so I could follow them better. I used an online site called MyMonthlyCycles.com which also notifies you when you are most likely to be fertile so I knew we had a chance but it would be our only chance and so a slim chance that we would be successful.
So, by the time we got to my period due date and I hadn’t come on, we took a test. Bearing in mind I was a day late on my last period, I could have waited another day but we were going away for the weekend and wanted to be sensible about drink. After the 3 tests I took last month, I realised this could get very expensive if I found myself doing the same every month of trying – what if it took several months, 6 months, a year!!! So I was advised to purchase some cheapy tests from Amazon. Rather than peeing on a stick these were just a thin strip which you had to catch your pee in a pot and then dip the stick in for 20 seconds. Then wait for 5 minutes. As we waited, sure enough, a faint line started to appear. It was faint but definitely a line. However, we weren’t 100% confident with these tests and I did still have a ClearBlue test in my drawer so we decided to confirm it with that – it was a digital one that says the words “Pregnant” (or “Not Pregnant”) with the approximation of how many weeks pregnant you are. No need for a second wee as I still had the pot from the previous test so in we dipped and waited for a further 3 minutes. After about 1 up it popped! “Pregnant”!! Then we had to wait for another minute or so for “2-3 weeks” to pop up. So, there it was, no doubting it this time!
Some of you may have done the maths already, my EDD from conception date will be 27 August (from date of first day of previous period it will be 17 August)…yes, that is bloody close to September!!! I think I must have been calculating on the same basis as Callum was born 4 weeks early so this one, of course, will be too!!! Chances are, though, I’ll go full term and probably 2 weeks over, taking me into September and close to both Callum and Stuart’s birthdays!!!! Groan! Oh well, what’s meant to be is meant to be!
How do I feel? In denial! I keep checking my knickers for signs of my period! I feel like I’m a fraud – just because a white stick (or 2) has told me I’m pregnant, does that really mean I am? I don’t ‘feel’ pregnant! I feel like me – I had done a 4 mile run on the morning of the test – I feel like I could still do a 4-6 mile run this week (and am hoping to try!). The only symptom of pregnancy I feel – is the same one I got at this time last year. As soon as I get the 'your pregnant’ cue I start weeing for England! Well, in truth, I’m only a 3 times a day kind of girl so the increase is probably to what most people call normal but to me it seems excessive! Oh, and my boobs have remained fuller/tender as is often the case when I’m expecting my period but they usually go back to normal as soon as my period arrives. So hopefully the boobs I never got (which I have subsequently got from getting fatter) the first time round my arrive this time round!
I had a quick look at my blog when I first started, after finding out I was pregnant with Callum. Its uncanny how similar the thoughts and feelings are to the first time round. However, remember what followed, I will not be wishing for any symptoms to arrive – I remember that feeling of sickness all to well! If I can avoid that I wont be complaining! But my desire to continue to exercise etc is just the same and even the fact that I am unwell is the same! I had a cold then and this time I have a sore throat!
It looks like the symptoms started when I was 6 weeks so I’ll look forward to that (not!). The worrying thing is the tiredness. Apparently, around this time with last pregnancy I would feel exhausted by 4pm then perk up after dinner – sounds pretty similar to how I feel normally when I’m not pregnant, certainly over the past 6 months, so dread to think how I’m going to deal with the tiredness this time!
We told our friends again, the same ones as last time, Dan and Lou because we went there for the weekend and it would have stood out like a sore thumb if I wasn’t drinking (in truth, it wouldn’t as when we told them no one had actually noticed what I was drinking or was paying it any attention), and we also told the other friends that were there for the weekend too. That means, 6 other people already know. We will also be telling our parents on 17 December as they will all be in one place – with us! Again, it would be impossible to get through Christmas without them noticing I wasn’t drinking.
It would be my preference, this time, not to tell anyone but I’m just not the kind of person to invent some massive story or lie to cover up the truth – especially as they would guess I was lying anyway – what’s the point of carrying on with the pretence.
I hate telling people though – I hate the way the focus of attention is all on my (and Stuart of course). I want to shrink away and hide. It is lovely that everyone is excited for us but I just don’t know how to deal with that kind of attention. I was the same when Stuart proposed and when we got married. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. At the weekend, I wanted to discretely tell them all by text and watch them slowly check their phones one by one and take in the news. He wouldn’t let me though so I had to be brave…and in truth, it wasn’t too bad!
Anyway, this post is turning into an epic novel so I best wrap it up now and no doubt I’ll be back before long moaning and groaning about all the things I hate about being pregnant.
Wish us luck for the next 8 months!
Wednesday 7 December 2011
I was nervous for three reasons:
- Would they like me? (we hadn’t actually met before)
- How would Callum be on the 2+ hour train ride each way?
- Would Callum show me up in front of S and A and show me to be the bad parent I probably am?
I needn’t of worried. Well not sure on the first one but they didn’t throw things at me so I take that as a good sign that I was OK!
For the train rides, I was prepared – I had snacks, I had a sticker book, I had a colouring book, an activity book and a whole pencil case of pencils, I had a toy car and I had two story books! This kid WASN’T going to get bored!
Callum was very excited as soon as I told him he was going on a train. On the way there, he was more than happy to take everything in, stare out the window at the rainbow (“rainbow gone, where’s the rainbow?”), the cows (“I like cows”), at the sheep (“I like black sheep, baa baa black sheep mumble mumble wool”) and I fed him crisps, a few raisins and apple juice. He even came to the toilet with me without much protest! It was only towards the end of our journey that I broke out the first book (Mr Jelly) more because it was going so well, I didn’t want a sudden crash!
We then went to meet Sian in the main station (I only lost him for a brief 3 seconds when I was on the phone to Sian – he’d gone to pick up a train timetable because it had pictures of trains on it) and then make our way on the Underground to Covent Garden to find the Crème de La Crepe place (which we did just about) and wait for Aimee and Boyarde to join us.
Callum was so well behaved on the tube– again, fascinated and taking it all in. He walked without grumbling, pointing out the train posters in the tunnels of the tube stopping right in front of commuters who were surprisingly polite – I didn’t hear one tut! (more than I would have been when I was still a London commuter!), walking up and down the stairs holding Sian’s hand. Again, in the Crème de la Crepe place, apart from the odd growl at the neighbouring table, he was brilliant. I did fear a breakdown at one point when I cut his baked bean, egg and cheese crepe wrong or something equally as catastrophic but if anyone noticed they didn’t show it so think we might’ve got away with that one and he quickly got over it!
There was no way we could be so lucky on the return train journey home! We get back to London Waterloo Station, say our goodbyes to Sian (Boyarde had left us at the ‘restaurant’, Aimee at the Piccadilly Line) and checked the board! Delayed! Delayed! Delayed! Person hit by train means trains are delayed and subject to last minute cancellations and alterations! Oh joy!
Our train wasn’t even up there! It was meant to be at 16:04 (the time was currently 15:55) – the times of the trains on the board jumped from 16:01 to 17:01 with nothing in between! I spotted a supposedly earlier train (15:35) which looked to be a stopping train, which would mean much longer than the one we had booked but at least we knew it was leaving (albeit an hour later than scheduled) and who knew when our one or the next Bournemouth train would be.
As soon as the platform popped up I grabbed Callum and ran! We were getting a seat! Typically,we had to travel to the front 5 coaches – only when I was 2/3rds of the way there did I suddenly doubt whether I had understood the front of the train correctly, was it the coaches that would be at the front when travelling to destination or the 5 at the front closest to the station concourse? A fellow passenger kindly reassured me I was heading in the right direction and also commented he’d take Callum on his shoulders if it wasn’t weird (rather than me carrying him as I was), I was tempted to throw Callum at him as he was getting a tad (extremely) heavy but I wasn’t sure he was serious or I had heard him correctly! As soon as we reached the front 5 carriages and bypassed the First Class option which Callum was keen for, we all jumped on and I grabbed the first available double seats available.
The train soon filled up with many people standing or sitting in the aisles with their large heavy bags – I did feel a little guilty that we had hogged 2 seats rather than making Callum sit on my lap, particularly because I hadn’t paid for a ticket for him (don’t need to if under 4) but I was nervous enough of keeping him entertained without having to restrain him to my lap too. Again, I know that if it had been me in the aisles when I commuted to and from London and another person with a child on separate seats before I had children I’d have expected them to at least put them on their lap until the first station. Bad me! Felt even worse when a lady with a neck brace and crutches hopped back from further up the carriage due to some lady throwing up all over some poor unsuspecting girl unrelated to her! Honestly, I was just about to give up Callum’s seat when the gentleman behind me did first. Honest!
And remember all those people in the aisles – standing, sitting, big heavy bags? Well, just as Callum and I got comfortable, took off our coats etc, what does Callum do? Announce he needs a wee.Really Callum? Really, really? I wait 5 minutes “wee wee Mummy”. I look up the aisle to the toilet at the other end apprehensively! *groan*, *sigh* “come on then”, “excuse me, sorry, my son needs a wee, sorry, excuse me, really sorry, sorry, its my son he needs a wee, excuse me….” phew! we make it. Someone is wedged in sat leaning against the loo door, again “sorry, my son needs a wee”. Then repeat the above as we make our way back to our seat! Can’t complain though as he did ask and he didn’t have a single accident (wees or poos) all day – he asked every time (as annoying as it was, timed to just when I’d got a fresh cup of tea and the loo was outside the restaurant, up the stairs, across the courtyard where we’d inevitably got pounced on by the street performer!) and didn’t even he have an accidental dribble! Hoorah!
Thankfully, the part of the train that went to Bournemouth wasn’t the stopping service – that was the one that broke away at Southampton so it wasn’t as long as I was dreading. I managed to keep Callum entertained for most of the journey with all my supplies but there was the odd incident of standing up and saying “hello” to the people behind who didn’t respond so I guess they weren’t impressed, nor with the pointing at them saying “He’s sleeping” very loudly, also the occasional shout or scream of “NO”. Amazingly, I stayed calm at each ‘episode’ and managed to distract him quickly away from any persistent shouting or tantrum, though it was worryingly close at times.
Finally, it was with much relief that Bournemouth station arrived and we could get off the train before any big breakdown which I was sure wasn’t far away. Callum was obviously getting fed up towards the end saying “get off now?” each time we pulled into a station.
Still, he hung around on the platform long enough to wave goodbye to our train and we then started the slow, slow, slow walk back home in the dark! Our walk home took us past a chippy so, on a whim, I decided to treat us to sausage & chips as Callum still hadn’t had dinner and Stuart was out. Bizarrely , Callum also decided we were going to run all the way home – as difficult as this is when I’m wearing heels, it is highly preferable to the usual snail pace which would have meant very cold chips! Until the road on the entrance to the flats just before where we live rose up and tripped Callum up (mean road) so he decided to head butt it in return! So, it was a quick cuddle and carry home for the last push!
All in all, though, I consider it a thoroughly successful trip! Still, not one I’d be in a hurry to do again too soon!
Thursday 1 December 2011
A little late on the update but last Friday Callum had his first Parent’s evening at his new nursery just to provide feedback with how he is settling in.
Although we had a good idea how well Callum had settled into nursery by the fact that he was more or less happy to go (with just the odd one or two moans of a morning) despite only going on Monday mornings or Fridays. That still doesn’t stop you worrying that they aren’t making friends and are being left at the back of the group not wanting to contribute in group time.
We need not fear!
Callum is a very happy smiley boy who smiles and chats to all the children and staff. He approaches all the activities enthusiastically with a smile.
I asked whether he contributed to group sessions as I was worried he didn’t know enough to say what month it was, or what the whether was like outside and she reassured us that the way they approached this was to ask every child a question they could answer and would make sure everyone had answered something so they each had a turn to add a sticky picture to the board.
She did say that he was still playing alongside the other children rather than with them but I think that is still quite normal for his age and he is starting to make friends – well, he may call them friends, others may call them slaves or chauffeurs! Just like at Tulips, they have the same two-seater bikes and Callum sits on the back then summons another child over to the front to peddle him around! I like his style!
The only area we were unsure of was how much he is eating while he is there so they have kindly agreed to keep a food diary.
Otherwise! Big thumbs up.
But now we have to decide whether we’ll be keeping him at the same nursery when we move…would be a shame to move him when he has settled in so well and he is just starting to come out of his shell. And we may be hard pushed to get a nursery with any ‘outstanding’ areas in their offsted let alone all areas!!
In January, he’ll be going 3 days – Wednesday to Friday. I do hope the logistics work out that we can keep him there!