Stepping Up to His New Role of Big Brother

It is natural for any mum to worry about how their first child(ren) will adapt to a new sibling. Its not just your life that changes, their life will change beyond all recognition, life wont only be just about them now there will be a new attention stealer in town! It was one of the reasons we wanted to wait until Callum was 4 before introducing a new family member. At 4 a sibling is less likely to get jealous and they can understand more, help and get involved.

I was still expecting some kind of rebellion, and I still am. I feel myself saying “no because of Millie” in relation to a number of different scenarios and so I feel its only a matter of time when Callum has enough of this noisy, dull infiltrator taking up so much of his Mummy’s time!

There was a time in the first week Callum was being whingey and clingy to Stuart and I was worried but he was feeling under the weather so I can put it down to that.

Mostly, so far, he has just taken it all in his stride and is adapting wonderfully. Not only is he accepting of his new little sister, he has taken on the ‘Big Boy’ mantle. He is becoming more and more independent, wanting to do little tasks on his own. He is cleaning his own teeth, feeding himself, often getting his own breakfast, being helpful to me around the house such as helping me with the dishwasher and fetching dirty washing for me. He is being a little star and his reward chart is rapidly filling up – we had best start thinking of a reward as it wont be long before he gets to a full sheet at this rate.

These are all things we were struggling with getting him to do up until really recently so it is a real relief that he is keen to please at the moment. I say at the moment as these things often go in phases and he occasionally drops back to being a monkey after a exceptionally good spell so I’m sure there will be a moment in the future when he is testing my patience again but right now, when I really need him to be, he is being the best Big Brother and Son I could ask for.

Locked & Loaded: 40 weeks, 2 days

I had my next MW appointment today for another sweep and to book in my induction.

My BP was really good and no other problems. When she did the sweep, she said the baby was fully engaged, I was 1.5-2 cm dilated, cervix soft & central, waters bulging, braxton hicks occurring! So, seems we are all systems go and are just waiting for the signal!

Because everything is going well, the induction isn’t booked until 29th August in the hope that I’ll go into labour naturally before then. I need to call Poole ante-natal ward on 28th at 7am to confirm all is well and get details of what I need to do etc.

My MW said if I didn’t go into labour before next Tuesday I was to text her so she could get me in again for another sweep and then another on the Thursday if still nothing. Technically, this is one extra sweep than I should have as they normally only do 3 but she wasn’t counting the one at the hospital (as it didn’t do anything) and she wants to give me the best possible chance before the induction.

The sweep itself was a little less uncomfortable than last time and, compared to baby’s movements at the moment which are like someone scratching away at me from the inside with a knitting needle, was a walk in the park!

So still we wait! And bounce! And wait!

I’m very emotional today. Burst into tears this morning because I couldn’t find my knickers! Its a sorry state of affairs when a girl cries over knickers! Then, because I was grumpy and miserable, this affected Callum’s lovely mood and he became emotional too. I felt awful that by the time we got to nursery we were both in tears! I hate it when my moods affect his, especially when he started the morning so well.

Callum is being very sweet at the moment with this morning getting straight up and cleaning his teeth, bringing his clothes to me to get dressed and then making himself his own breakfast. He is so proud of himself. Then yesterday, he went down and made me breakfast in bed of cold dry toast (its the thought that counts!), the day before he cleaned his teeth and got himself dressed in his favourite attire of his England football kit! I hope this keeps up when the baby does arrive but doing all this and being so good then me being all grumpy with him makes me feel so bad and guilty. Rotten Mummy – I need to try and make it up to him tonight!

Finally, I just feel the need to log my weight gain before I have the baby. Amazingly, I’ve still put on less than 2 stone this pregnancy! 1 stone, 10 lb (probably 11 now as weighed a couple of days ago). That feels like an achievable weight to lose after I’ve had the baby!

Finding Me Again!

Everyone tells you that being a parent is the hardest job in the world – though often only after its too late and you are up the duff or in the first few weeks of a newborn when you find yourself in a heap on the floor in a mess of snot & tissues trying to remember what it was like to not feel tired – before you decide to have a baby its all, having a baby is such a wonderful experience, you’d love it, having children will complete you…etc etc.

(This is when I ask myself “why am I doing it again?)

But, to be fair, even if they did tell you, you wouldn’t be able to imagine – its tough in ways that can’t be explained and in ways you can never imagine.

For some, its a natural experience – they were ‘born to be mummies/daddies’ and they breeze through parenthood effortlessly producing well turned out, well mannered, well adjusted individuals and share stories and photos of baking, craft work, fun days out that don’t cost a penny but everyone enjoys. Its so hard for us ‘other’ parents who don’t find parenthood such a natural experience to not compare ourselves to them wishing longingly that we were a supermum like them!

For some of us ‘other’ mums, we realise that being a Stay at Home Mum just isn’t for us! But when you come to that realisation that, actually, you’d rather be working than bringing up your children, you question whether you are a failure? Have I failed at the most important job of them all – when so many others can manage it so effortlessly, why have I struggled, why can’t I cope?

Recently, I have realised that I’m not alone! Recently, my twitter timeline has been full of other parents coming to the realisation and confiding in others that, actually, they’re not sure being a SAHM is all they hoped it would be. They are coming to accept that perhaps it is harder work than they ever knew and they need a break…by returning to work (whether it be part or full time – whatever works for them). After all, there are places and people out there that are full of people that ARE trained to look after children all day – they have college years and certificates to show for it so can clearly do a better job than I can and, after all, they ENJOY doing it! That is their job! They chose to do it! OK, so I know I chose to be a parent too but I also chose a career for myself – I also chose my other life which I actually loved very much and never had any intention of giving up!

My friend recently asked me to review an article she had written about being a mum AND maintaining their individual status. It was reading through this article that it dawned on me exactly why I had become so low.

I look at myself now, struggling to drag myself out of bed every morning, scraping my hair back on a Thursday or Friday to take Callum to nursery. I may put on make-up once or twice a week and often when I intend to add a bit of colour to my face to stop me looking tired and drawn, it quickly slips my mind. All my friends are either members of m family or are other mums like me who I only see with their children. I love them to pieces and wouldn’t do without my mummy friends, don’t get me wrong, but occasionally I want to remember who I am aside from being mum. So when it comes to a childfree Thursday when I do not need to clean or study (that’s my joy on a Friday) what do I do? I have no idea! I mope! I’ve no where to go, no one to see who isn’t a mum – no non-mum conversations to have. I’ve no job to go to and no life outside of being a mother. I’ve lost me!

This is not who I wanted to be!

Working gives me the independence I’ve always craved since a 16 year old girl. I moved out of home at 17 because I so desperately craved my independence. Working gives me a life that is my own – not my husband’s, not my son’s, not my family’s – mine! It gives me my own friends. I enjoy being me! I enjoy putting on make-up, wearing a pair of heels and attempting to look good, for me!

Where did all that go?

When I realise who I am now and everything I am not but want to be, the tears start to fall! Its time to admit it, I am NOT a SAHM! Its time I went back to work! Everyone keeps saying, but you’re pregnant now, you may as well wait until after the baby – and then you’ll be raising 2 so you may as well wait a couple of years. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Please! Someone! Tell me this doesn’t have to be the case. I want to work now, pregnant or not! When I’ve had my second child, I want to go back to work! I will look after my newborn baby and will enjoy my time raising him or her for the beginning of his or her life but as soon as I feel ready I want to go back to work! Scrub want…I NEED to go back to work!

I accept it! I’m taking me back! I’m getting my life back! I’m going back to work!

And does that make me a failure? No! I don’t think it does – it makes me a better person for realising what my strengths & weaknesses are and what makes me happy. At the end of the day, we are also always told “Happy Mum, Happy Child” and I know that I can be a better mum, a happier mum and offer Callum & my unborn child a lot more if I go back to work. But this time, I admit, I’m going to try to get the balance right – I’m going to try to do both. I want to work part-time so I can see if I can be a mum and be me!

Time to open a new chapter! Wish me luck!

Erm…..can someone give me a job please…..?

Oh, and going back to the first paragraph, I have to admit, those people who said “having a baby is such a wonderful experience, you’d love it, having children will complete you” were actually right – I may not be good at being a SAHM but I wouldn’t take back having children for the world. You can’t explain the love you feel for your child and the unconditional love they have for you. It is the most wonderful experience I can imagine!

Encouraging Independence

I posted a while back in April, State of Independence, about how independent Callum is – or maybe how lazy his parents are!

I read an interesting article in The Independent recently, written by a fellow blogger, Katie Gunn called ‘The Lazy Mother’s Guide to Parenting’. Not only was it good to know I wasn’t alone but it was also good to hear that, actually, I am probably doing Callum a favour.

It made me take another look at Callum’s ‘independence’ and I felt an update post was in order.
We all like to eke out that time in the morning when your child is up and you want just an extra 1 or 2 minutes (or hours) in bed. Well, we’re no different!

So, when Callum comes in to our room of a morning wanting breakfast, we try to convince him to play in his room for just 5 more minutes…Callum, not content with this thought has often gone downstairs and helped himself to cereal, pouring it in a bowl. Thankfully, he tends to then leave out the milk but there have been occasions where he hasn’t and there has been a large puddle of milk on the floor – he hasn’t quite worked out control while pouring yet.

He even started to make himself a cheese sandwich once (I may have told you that already) – it was when Stuart had to work from home as Callum was poorly then had a miracle turn around following the wonder of Calpol! While Stuart was caught up with work, we think Callum may have got bored (and too hungry) to wait for him to finish what he was doing.

I may have, on more than one occasion, gone along with his wish to wear wellies when it is bright sunshine outside because it means he can get them on himself without my help. In fairness, he has Velcro fastening trainers now, which he can also do himself, so all good!

I have often gone out with Callum looking like I dressed him in the dark, because he has chosen his own clothes and, of course, I want to ‘encourage him’ to make his own decisions…! Sometimes, I can’t blame Callum for his poor fashion sense as I have chosen the clothes but I don’t tell anyone else that of course!

I have started to let him go into the men’s toilet on his own when there is a wait for the ladies’. It makes perfect sense to me, we can either stand in a queue until its too late and there is a puddle on the floor, or he can go in to the men’s toilets on his own – he insists on going in a cubicle on his own anyway. I now just look like a weirdo hanging around outside men’s toilets trying to sneak a look in every time the door opens…that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!.

Callum is still at that age where he is happy to do jobs for you and help. Like, get you a piece of kitchen towel or something from the fridge say, like, erm, a can of beer for Daddy maybe (ahem!). And we’d never dream of exploiting him for his willingness to help, nope, not us! We may finish a sandwich and put the plate down on the floor intending to take it out when we next go. Callum will see it, pick it up and take it out for us – and then follows a crash as it is thrown into the sink, but hey, its saved us a trip…and washing up too, if the said item hasn’t survived the sink throw!

The following is slightly less focused on laziness but more in wonder at what else Callum can do on his own or what he tries to do…

• He can now stand up to wee like a big boy.
• He has actually done the washing up a couple of times!! Admittedly, I did have to rewash most of it but he didn’t do too bad a job.
• He takes the washing up for me and puts the clothes away – I then have the funny task of trying to locate the clothes later. He usually separates his clothes from ours and puts his own clothes away correctly (or near enough) but he hasn’t quite mastered Stuart and my clothes yet. The other day I opened a drawer and found all of our clothes in the one drawer. At least he tries – you’ve got to reward him for that.
• He helps me put food shopping away – and again, often does a pretty good job! No incidents of finding items in strange places yet, which is probably better than I could say for myself, especially when I was pregnant! (tea bags in the fridge and milk in the cupboard!)
• He has been able to wash himself and clean his teeth himself for a while – probably not unusual for his age.
• He feeds Lotté (the cat)
• I’ve mentioned before that he helps me cook all the time, even cutting vegetables.
• He helps me sort dirty laundry and likes to help me add tablets/softener to the washing machine.
• He sweeps and mops the kitchen floor

(ok, maybe some of those still are focussed on lazy parenting…!)

This post isn’t meant to be one of those “look what my kid can do” as in a smug mother who thinks their child is better than everyone else’s – its actually meant to be just in wonder, as a mother, of what my child can do…as in comparison to what my husband can do, say…