Truly Blessed – 20 Weeks, 1 Day

Today was our 20 week scan. The scan was booked for 2.15pm. We both had work in the morning so it went very quickly and was nice to keep busy. We then had the afternoon off work as we weren’t sure how long we’d be – last time we were waiting quite a while.

As it happened, we didn’t have to wait long, probably about half an hour max.

I lay down on the bed and get comfortable as the sonographer prepares me and I have my belly button panic. I told her I have a fear about my belly button and she thought I meant seeing it so said “don’t worry, its dark” – the thought ran through my head that surely that was worse then realised she didn’t know what I meant so told her NO, of her touching it. She said she would try not to but might have to we would have to see…eek! After that initial panic, then there is that anxious wait as she puts the probey thing on my tummy for those words “and there’s the heartbeat” and then I inwardly sigh and start to relax.

She was very thorough and spent quite a while going through the body pointing out various body parts and organs and all the measurements they look for, showing the lips to check for cleft pallet, the four chambers of the heart and the valves that take the blood out. I’m amazed, firstly at the wonder of technology and secondly that she can make sense of the fuzziness that is presented to her on the screen in such detail – to me, much of it looks like static! “There’s the stomach, kidneys are there”…er, yeah, of course there is .

Thankfully, the head size was average \o/ and all measurements were good. She had no concerns which was a huge relief. She was very matter of fact going through everything we were looking at so I nearly missed it when she pointed out the stripy bit, which showed three white lines, which showed the three bones (my heart skips a beat) that tells us its a girl!

Wait a minute…she said a GIRL!

I look at Stuart and he reaches out for my hand and a tear flows down my cheek. I try my hardest not to crack up and I just about hold it together so hopefully the sonographer doesn’t notice.

She also said my placenta was good and Anterior which is good – I had heard that this may mean you don’t feel baby moving so strongly and she agreed because apparently the placenta acts like a cushion between baby and me. I regularly still feel baby wiggle (like now on my placenta) but I guess it may be a bit longer before Stuart feels the kicks on the outside.

Unfortunately, she was being a little pickle (the baby, not the sonographer) and wouldn’t, as the sonographer put it, pose for photos so I was sent to enter my bladder. She did wiggle around a bit as a result but still not enough to take any amazing photos but we got 6 OK ones.

After all was done, notes updated and photos received, Stuart told me he’d asked her how certain she was we were having a girl. She said you could never be absolutely certain (which we knew) but that she was 98% sure. Up until this point, I was keeping a little bit of me prepared that there was still a real chance that we could still be having a boy. Of course, there is still a 2% chance and that is still a chance but 2% I’m liking the odds that we will, indeed, have a little girl.

Yay! Girly clothes shopping here I come!!! *Does a little dance*. To say I’m over the moon that it looks like we are having a healthy baby goes without saying – that we are having a healthy girl….that’s just the icing, cherry and sprinkles on the cake!

Finally – here are my most recent (19 Weeks, 6 Days) bump photos:

                         

Still in Denial - 19 Weeks, 6 Days

The time is really starting to fly now, at last. However I’m still in an element of denial. Even with the baby now moving regularly – getting stronger but still not noticeable externally (i.e. Stuart can’t feel it) – I still don’t quite believe I’m pregnant. I guess more so now that I’ve finally got my energy back and I feel much more like me…apart from my inability to bend in the middle! Didn’t like that other body invader that brought with it the bouts of the blues…the sickness I could just about cope with but feeling down really isn’t me!

My bump is sprouting rapidly but I look in the mirror and don’t recognise myself. Sometimes my bump is hard and looks every bit the baby bump it is but other times (I guess when baby sits back a bit) it is soft again and I still look oddly fat – oddly as in I’m a weird shape for an overweight person with all the weight up front.

I was pleased though when someone took the plunge today and chanced saying “and I see another one is on he way”. Must have been looking more bumpy than a tubby odd ball!

Maybe after Thursday it will feel a bit more real! We have our 20 week scan. I’m a little nervous to tell you the truth – primarily, as always, about whether everything is ok but also because we hope to find out the sex. I don’t know why this makes me nervous.

Having just done my dowsing crystal to try to predict sex of the baby it started off saying boy to begin with with a gentle sway but then turned strongly to a girl. I guess we shall have to wait and see…

Callum is still being cute where the baby is concerned. Lots of “Hello Baby” and kisses and cuddles. He actually says “I want to cuddle the baby”. He has also started a cheeky way of trying to stretch out bedtime and get a repeat of his bedtime story. When calls of “again” aren’t successful he says “baby read it”. How can I refuse? It makes for a boring story, however, as you have to listen very very carefully to hear baby read it – I basically turn the pages in front of my bump without saying anything.

He he – cruel mummy!

Do you mind if its a girl or a boy?

The question I dread being asked. I am not comfortable with lying so I’m trying not to but feel its easier to explain my answer in written form. My answer is controversial and a big ‘faux pas’ when it comes to answering the many stock pregnancy questions you’ll be asked over the 9 months – its not correct pregnancy etiquette I don’t believe. So, here it is:

Actually, yes, I want a little girl!

Will I be disappointed if it is a boy?

Well, yes I will. I wanted Callum to be a girl and was disappointed when they told me he was a boy even though I knew instinctively he was all the time while I was pregnant.

Yes, of course, I want the ‘as long as he or she is healthy’ option. I’m not going to send the baby back if its a boy, I’m not going to love him any less – I adore Callum and would never be without him. There are many positive reasons for having 2 the same sex – same clothes, same toys, hopefully great friends as well as brothers among others. If this one is a boy I will love it with all my heart – that’s not going to change.

I do also appreciate that I am very lucky to have one child let alone get pregnant with a second child. I’m in awe of our bodies and I am, ultimately, grateful for my gifts. That’s simple – no doubt about it. However, it doesn’t change the fact that if I could go to a shop and pick that my choice would be a girl.

Ever since I was little I have this picture of me with a little girl – being best friends, doing her hair, her confiding in me and trusting me as her mother. Yeah I know – chances of that actually happening are slim. We’ll clash, be at each other’s throats, she’ll say she hates me, steal my make-up…or me hers. But its a dream. We are allowed to dream.

Most women have a dream wedding that they’ve planned ever since they were playing with Barbies. That’s just what little girls…and bigger girls…do. I didn’t have my wedding planned out except for saying all I wanted was a bbq in the back garden. Well I had a bbq over-looking the Mediterranean instead so kinda did get my dream but I didn’t have the dress, bridesmaids, flowers, colour etc all planned out since I was little. That wasn’t/isn’t me.

But I did have a dream of one day having a daughter.

I’m sorry if that makes me evil and a bad human being but I’m afraid that’s how I really feel!

If anyone does ask, I’m telling them – I’ve ordered a little girl. I went to an hour of mediumship at a psychic fayre a while back and was told I would be pregnant very shortly and it would be the opposite to whatever I already had. I’ve asked Callum (and of course he is an all seeing wise one…) and he said its a girl. Stuart asked Callum what he wanted and he said a boy so we asked him again if he thought I was having a boy and he said no, it was a girl. So, all is on track for girl so far.

I tried the dowsing crystal and it didn’t say either way – I wonder if it is still too early so may try again just before 20 week scan when we will be finding out sex this time – assuming baby complies!