Tuesday 14 February 2012

Do you mind if its a girl or a boy?

The question I dread being asked. I am not comfortable with lying so I’m trying not to but feel its easier to explain my answer in written form. My answer is controversial and a big ‘faux pas’ when it comes to answering the many stock pregnancy questions you’ll be asked over the 9 months – its not correct pregnancy etiquette I don’t believe. So, here it is:

Actually, yes, I want a little girl!

Will I be disappointed if it is a boy?

Well, yes I will. I wanted Callum to be a girl and was disappointed when they told me he was a boy even though I knew instinctively he was all the time while I was pregnant.

Yes, of course, I want the ‘as long as he or she is healthy’ option. I’m not going to send the baby back if its a boy, I’m not going to love him any less – I adore Callum and would never be without him. There are many positive reasons for having 2 the same sex – same clothes, same toys, hopefully great friends as well as brothers among others. If this one is a boy I will love it with all my heart – that’s not going to change.

I do also appreciate that I am very lucky to have one child let alone get pregnant with a second child. I’m in awe of our bodies and I am, ultimately, grateful for my gifts. That’s simple – no doubt about it. However, it doesn’t change the fact that if I could go to a shop and pick that my choice would be a girl.

Ever since I was little I have this picture of me with a little girl – being best friends, doing her hair, her confiding in me and trusting me as her mother. Yeah I know – chances of that actually happening are slim. We’ll clash, be at each other’s throats, she’ll say she hates me, steal my make-up…or me hers. But its a dream. We are allowed to dream.

Most women have a dream wedding that they’ve planned ever since they were playing with Barbies. That’s just what little girls…and bigger girls…do. I didn’t have my wedding planned out except for saying all I wanted was a bbq in the back garden. Well I had a bbq over-looking the Mediterranean instead so kinda did get my dream but I didn’t have the dress, bridesmaids, flowers, colour etc all planned out since I was little. That wasn’t/isn’t me.

But I did have a dream of one day having a daughter.

I’m sorry if that makes me evil and a bad human being but I’m afraid that’s how I really feel!

If anyone does ask, I’m telling them – I’ve ordered a little girl. I went to an hour of mediumship at a psychic fayre a while back and was told I would be pregnant very shortly and it would be the opposite to whatever I already had. I’ve asked Callum (and of course he is an all seeing wise one…) and he said its a girl. Stuart asked Callum what he wanted and he said a boy so we asked him again if he thought I was having a boy and he said no, it was a girl. So, all is on track for girl so far.

I tried the dowsing crystal and it didn’t say either way – I wonder if it is still too early so may try again just before 20 week scan when we will be finding out sex this time – assuming baby complies!


  1. I think most people have a preference, deep down, whether they admit to it or not. FOr some people it might be a really strong preference, for some not. And the vast majority get over any little bit of disappointment that it's not "what they wanted" within a very short timescale. I was shocked at the "will go for another if it's a girl?" comments that I got from a few people when pregnant with Z2 - as if it's a slot machine or something! However, it also shows that a lot of people recognise that parents often would like at least one of each if they're having more than one child so don't feel bad!

  2. Don't feel bad, I think it is only natural. I have a friend pregnant at the moment with baby no. 4 - she already has 3 boys and has openly admitted that she will be devastated if it is a boy and is going to find out at the 20 week scan so as to give her self time to 'deal' with her feelings about this before the baby arrives as she doesn't want instinctive negative feelings when it is born. As you know, I have two girls and have no desire for a boy ... nor another girl tbh. I do find that most women want a girl, for all the same reasons you have said. So don't worry about those feelings x

  3. Thank you both for your comments.

    It does appear that I'm not the only one and more people are being honest about this rather than 'pretending' they have no preference. I did think after writing this post too that perhaps people say they have no preference because they don't want to admit to themselves that they will be disappointed if they don't get their preference and also - they don't want other people to know they are going to feel disappointed if the are honest before the baby is born - I guess I can understand that.

    However, I still feel more uncomfortable lying than admitting I have a preference.


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