Comparing Chalk to Cheese? More Cheddar to Feta!

Despite repeating the mantra “every child is different” it is still natural, when you have more than one child, to compare! Are they more chilled? Do they sleep better? When did the first one sit up, roll over, crawl etc, and will this one be sooner or later?

You hear stories from friends, family, strangers in the street – “oh the second child is a lot more chilled than the first, they have to be”. “My John was a great sleeper but his little brother, Roger, had us up every night until the age of 20!!”.

So, yes, I’ve been doing my own little bit of comparing since Millie arrived!

Night-time Sleep

My memory of Callum was of the constant battle to get him to sleep through the night but waking up about every 1.5 to 2 hours at the start and every 3 to 4 hours near the end, eventually doing the much anticipated but felt illusive ‘sleep through’ at about 6 months! I considered this quite average. Not “my baby slept through at 6 weeks” wonderful but not “my child still wakes us up every night at aged 3” fear.

Millie, apart from the first few days where she was very ‘typical’ of a newborn, feeding all though the night and sleeping all through the day, it was very early on when she gave me a taste of sleep. Within the first couple of weeks she did a couple of 7 hour stints, then regularly slotted into a 6 hour sleep at night but once or twice going as long as 8 hours!

But that is no more – after playing around with formula versus breastmilk for a while (her and me) she has now slotted into a sleep about 8pm, wake for dummy about 11.30pm – feed between 1 and 2am then feed about 4am. I say “slotted into” like it is some sort of regular routine. She has done this for last 2 nights but still every night can be very different so I hesitate to say it is her ‘usual’ routine.

I will say, though, that she appeared to sleep much better when solely breastfed even when she was breastfed through the night but formula fed through the day I’m sure the 2nd 4am feed used to be more like 5am!

I sometimes wish she never granted me with that little taste – I’d probably feel much better about the wake ups now!

Day-time sleep

For Callum I remember holding him, rocking him, attempting to lay him in the cot, bending myself double so he thought he was still firmly held to me, managing to get him horizontal, gently starting to place him on the cot then “waaaaaaaaaaaaah” – screaming like I was placing him in a bath full of acid!

Trying to get him to sleep day or night on his own, self-soothing was laughable and reading back in my blog it appears I could spend a whole hour trying to get him off for a nap. But I also think I tried to push him into a fixed daytime sleep routine too soon. I still don’t have such a thing with Millie. With Millie, I’m all about the cues – the first yawn & grizzle she is straight up to bed whether she has been awake an hour or 2 hours, she leads the way and I place her down in her gro-bag (sleeping bag type thing) with her dummy in, place her muslin one side, her bunny comforter the other side, draw blinds & walk out the room. I may have to go into her once or twice to replace her dummy or muslin but it really is very little effort. If she is overtired due to missing the cues or trying to stretch her a little longer for whatever reason then I may have to hold her to sleep but even when this is the case, I can usually just get her to drowsy & place her down in her cot. With Callum, I never saw a cue until it was too late!

Feeding

Their feeding patterns appear to be quite similar. Both have hit a 2oz per feed max phase about the same 3 month point. Neither of them ever ‘big’ eaters. I don’t think we ever got Callum up to 8oz and he wasn’t a big scoffer though he would take a bottle nearly every time you offered it, just maybe not take very much. This means, if he had his last bottle a couple of hours ago but I was giving him another as part of his bedtime routine, he would take it. Millie – not a chance! If only half hour before her next feed she will refuse, pushing the teat out with her tongue and batting the bottle away with her hands. She will sleep then wake up at her proper feed time – the little madam!!!

Development

Despite Callum being born 3.5 weeks early, he was pretty strong at holding his neck up and Millie followed suit but, if anything was even stronger than Callum. Her legs constantly wanted to stand & she would throw herself back away from you with such force that you were scared she was going to throw herself out of your hands – you daren’t hold her with one arm/hand when she was upright.

Then very early on she blessed us with a smile, then shortly following a laugh. Her first roll from front to back was at 12 weeks – Callum was 6 months, 3 weeks before his first roll though was very early to sit at 5 months. We don’t know for Millie yet – its too early for sitting.

Of course, its still far too soon to tell how different their personalities are going to be and any further development milestones are unknown. But its exciting waiting to find out.

I think it is not so much that Millie is more chilled than Callum but when she hits the same or similar phases to Callum, I am more chilled about it & know things will take their own course there’s no use getting stressed about it. Apart from the milk consumption – I can’t help thinking if I could just get more milk into her during the day she’ll sleep better at night but – if my memory does serve me right it isn’t necessarily that one will naturally follow the other, I think the sleep came before the milk consumption for Callum.

It will be interesting to do another one of these posts in a couple of months time comparing the 6 months stage.

Callum & Millie both at aproximately 14 Weeks

 

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday

Some Mothers Don’t Have It

Well, less that mother’s don’t have it, I should’ve called it Some Fathers Do Have It but it didn’t have the same ring to it! I guess the titles a bit misleading as what I mean is fathers can have it too – instinct that is!

Its always ‘trust a mother’s instinct’ but father’s can have instinct too and it is often right!

Sometimes it can be easy to bow down to outside pressures, to listen to what other people are saying you should do, because everyone has an opinion – hell, I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it myself to an extent. “Shouldn’t she be in her own room now?”, “Have you tried putting her in her cot for naps?”, “can’t she self settle yet” (with a surprised look like surely that’s back to the basics!), “are you not weaning her yet? Look she’s desperate for food, poor thing is starving.” “She should be going 4 hours between feeds now, is she still on 3”, “my children were all sleeping though the night by now”. Gah! All this pressure can make you doubt your own instincts.

For some, this is all you have to go by, in which case shut out all the other noise and do what your heart tells you (and I salute you for doing such a hard job alone). But for us lucky ones that are raising children as a partnership, why not rely on the father’s instinct too.

An example:

At around 8 weeks, I was feeling pressure to put Millie in her own room at night by family but also my own poor memory. Remembering back to when I had Callum, my timeline is all a bit skewwhiff. I often think we introduced things and changed things a lot earlier with Calllum than we actually did. Its only when I read back my blog that I realise that I am often quite a lot out with timing. One of these occasions was with when we put Callum in to his own room. Not only did I have the timing wrong, when I had tried it with Callum it was quite difficult because he wasn’t ready yet.

I had forgotten all this and was suggesting to Stuart that we put Millie into her own room. Stuart pointed out that she was still quite unsettled in the evenings and could often take a couple of hours to settle in her Moses basket. If I were to put her to sleep in her bedroom, I’d be spending the majority of the evening stuck in her room or up and down every five minutes to settle her. He said the timing didn’t feel right and that we should wait.

I listened to him and agreed to wait a few weeks with the aim to get her into her own room by 12 weeks.

At around 11 weeks, Millie was settling much better in the evenings and so one weekend I suggested it might be a good time to try and Stuart agreed. She settled in her cot fine. We had a couple of nights of multiple wake-ups but on the third night she only woke the once at 4.30am and then the next at 5am. The time was right, the earlier time that I wanted to try would’ve been too soon & probably would’ve been stressful. Stuart’s instincts were right!

The other issue is us mums can often build a rod for our own backs. It can be tempting to take control of everything, enforcing our own techniques onto our partner and then we find ourselves in a situation where only we can put our child down for their naps, only we can settle them when they wake up. Then we wonder why we are doing all the work – we have effectively pushed our other half away. It may not have been intentional but has happened nonetheless. I’ve witnessed it in several of my friends. How are they going to help us if we don’t let them try. I don’t know about you but as special as it feels to have such a strong bond with your Little One that s/he responds best to you, I’d prefer to be able to share that special bond and be granted a break every once in a while.

A child-minder once told me, children soon recognise different sleep routines in different scenarios and can respond equally as well to 2 different routines. For example, at the child-minder’s or a nursery versus at home or when the parents have separated.

With both Callum and Millie I have tried to let Stuart find his own techniques for getting Millie to sleep. It has been difficult at times, not to intervene or take over, but how is Stuart, or indeed Millie, going to learn if you never give them the opportunity. You never know, there technique might actually be better than yours – this did happen with Callum! Stuart’s technique was better than mine so I adopted his method.

Obviously, I am with Millie more often than Stuart so am more likely to pick up her cues quicker so I may sometimes suggest something like, with me she likes to snuggle her muslin on her right side or point out to him a sleep signal I’ve recognised, and there is nothing wrong to suggesting a routine that you both stick to. Agree it between you rather than enforcing your idea. Then step back and let them try their way.

Its good to remember you are a team and a man’s pride can be easily dented if you tell them they are doing it wrong the whole time – I know mine would be so who can blame them.

12 Weeks: Time for reflection

12 weeks is the new 6 weeks! I finally feel things are coming together and ‘normalising’ some what. We are surviving and, what’s more, it feels less like ‘survival’ and more like ‘coping’.

Its so hard when a newborn comes along to see past the suffocating fog that surrounds you. You can’t see any way out or any end to it, it just bogs you down.

It has been easier the second time round because at least you know that it does get better, allowing you to just have faith that it will. Even still, its difficult not to doubt that there will ever be an end. You hear stories about other people’s second children – they are either so much easier than their first or the first was an angel and their second a nightmare! I found myself asking, which would Millie be? Was Callum a good or a bad sleeper? I thought he was pretty average – not awful but not great either.

In truth, a lot of what Millie does or the phases she has gone through have been similar to Callum but I am a lot more relaxed this time. I know it is ‘normal’ and that the less I stress about it, the quicker the phase will pass, and it does! Because of my relaxed attitude she does seem to go through these phases quicker than Callum. For sleep issues, I know that she’ll eventually just ‘get it’ and all I can do is provide her with some kind of routine but be flexible enough to know that things change and I will have to change with them.

For the moment (and it is always ‘for the moment’ – see point above), Millie is napping in her cot without too much fuss getting her to sleep (there was lots of rocking and him waking as soon as he touched the bed) – not for longer than 45 minutes to an hour but I’m not worried about that yet, she’ll work it out. Millie is going longer through the night again AND is also in her own room in her cot. Millie is happy. She is putting on weight. She is, as everyone comments, very alert (cos the world needs Lerts!), strong and developing daily. She’s happy, I’m happy – that’s all that matters.

That said, she has been a bit out of sorts today after her 2nd lot of jabs yesterday so I’m prepared for it all to change again tonight.

Of course, there are bad days – when the tiredness really sets in, I feel I can’t cope. I look around at the mess and I panic that I’ll never get round to catching up with the washing or manage to grab any kind of lunch anytime soon. People tell you it isn’t important but you can’t understand that – the fog sets in again. But then the next day, all will be right with the world again, and I know, even when that bad day is happening, that it is only because I am tired – tomorrow will be better.

The hardest bit for me now, is convincing others that I’m happy with how things are progressing and trying not to let them influence me and start worrying over nothing because, of course, everyone has an opinion and thinks that the way they did it was better and they never had the problems you’re having! I now just go along with it, smile and think, they’ll see soon enough!

Slow Down! You’re Growing Too Fast!

I confess that the ‘newborn’ phase of having a child is not my favourite!!! I love it when babies get to about 6 months and are really interacting with you. So it surprises me to be saying this but Millie is developing just so damn fast and I can see these gorgeous weeny newborn disappearing before my eyes.

But I am also excited to the baby she is becoming and developing into. She is learning things so fast that its exciting to see what the next day will bring.

First there was her interacting with her toys. Mainly her dangly toys on her play gym but she really grabs and whacks them! Like many a baby before her, she also loves mirrors too.

Then today, more on the toy theme, she started looking at one of her toys, Dingle and dangly jingly sheep, that I have on her change mat. She has shown it very little interest up until now, instead preferring to talk to the window and blinds which is behind the change mat! Then just now she was really focusing it and kept hitting it until his face fell closer to hers and then she started cooing at it. So I moved it back and she repeated it again.

Even more amazing than that, and what took me completely surprise despite me expecting it would come sooner rather than later. My little baby girl rolled! I’d plopped her on her front surrounded by toys and went to continue with my present wrapping (in my effort to be a little organised for Christmas) and then she went. She flipped as easy as if she had been doing it for weeks onto her back!

I hurriedly put her on her front again and got my phone out to video her doing it again but no, once was enough and had exhausted her so I’ll have to try again tomorrow with my phone at the ready, when she is all fresh and full of energy again!

But as all things come in threes, what is more, today she has also started grabbing for her feet (or foot at the moment). Once more, while on her change mat, she was continually grabbing for it.

So much! All at once! You watch, she’ll be walking tomorrow – Nooooo, I wont even joke!!!!



Video taken day after post published on 13 November – Only just got it. She still only has the strength to do one roll front to back.

Two sleeps beyond!

We have survived night two of Millie in her own room/cot. Much of it was the same but it somehow felt better.

After her anti-boob protest and just wanting a snuggle each time she woke the night before, I had decided to not offer to feed her unless she wouldn’t settle or ‘asked’ for it.

The night started very similar to the night before in that she went into her cot at about 7.30pm after her 7pm feed and finally drifted off about 9pm, though she did require a bit more ‘attention’ to get off to sleep than the night before.

Then we headed to bed at around 10.30-11pm but this time she didn’t wake…not until midnight!. So, I didn’t offer to feed her, I tried to settler her in her cot but she wasn’t having any of it so picked her up for a cuddle until she calmed and I put her back down. It didn’t take long, five minutes at the most.

Then, like the previous night, she woke at 2am and again just required a cuddle. As I put her in her cot again, her dummy fell out so I thought she need a bit more comforting but no, she was happy to continue to drift off without any trouble.

This was taking a familiar pattern so I expected the next 5.30 wake but this time she wasn’t settled by just a cuddle so I sat in the nursing chair and she nuzzled towards my boob so I offered it to her and she fed, hooray! No effort from me, completely her request.

I laid her back down in her cot and, after a couple of revisits to pop her dummy back in, she drifted back to sleep until 7.30pm. Unfortunately, my mind couldn’t stop thinking about the alarm due to go off in 3/4 hr so my morning pretty much started at the 5.30 mark but Millie woke happily chatting at 7.30am.

 

Minutes before she woke

This all means that she definitely doesn’t need feeding between 7pm and 5.30am so now we just need to get her to self-settle and continue to sleep through that period. Stuart thinks we should take away the dummy now to encourage her to depend on herself for getting back to sleep and not requiring us to get up to pop the dummy back in. This makes me nervous, but maybe he is right. I am pretty sure she’ll go for her fingers/thumb though. I’m on the side of anti-thumb sucking and pro dummy, as you may have worked out, so I’m not too keen on this but at least her h-Andes are on the end of her Armies (teehee, poor joke!) so she’ll be able to work out soon enough how to use them. She currently likes her muslin and I am trying to get her attached to her bunny comforter which helps. She snuggles them against her face and twiddles them with her hands so we may be lucky in that she just makes use of those sleeping tools.

In addition, we have Ewan the Dream Sheep that I have heard such good things about on order which may be another advantage on the ‘war on sleep’. Looking forward to testing it out when it arrives and I’ll be sure to report back!

In relation to sleep, I have also put Millie in her cot for actual ‘naps’ three times today. Only for 45 minutes to an hour for each (well the first two, she has only just gone down for the third) but I’m pleased at that for a start. The first she woke up happy, the second she was grizzly and really needed longer. Lets hope this third nap is successful and she wakes up happy again.

Y’know, I shouldn’t say this after all the effort we are going to to move Millie into her own room but I do miss her in our room – that space next to the bed where she used to big seems mighty big now!