On to pastures new

Not sure I have updated the blog with news of our move.

We are off to Bournemouth on 27 July. We have accepted an offer on our house and we have found a rental house to move to.

I've tried to explain our move to Callum but he doesn't understand. Conversation on way home from nursery went like this:

Me: We are moving house soon. Goodbye this house and hello to a new house

Callum: Yes

Me: Do you understand?

Callum: Yes (hmmm....really?)

Me: We are going to live near Nanna & Grandpa

Callum: (in excited voice) Nanna & Grandpa?

Me: Yes

So, we get home...Callum runs in the house and says "Nanna & Grandpa?" while looking for them.....he doesn't get it.

I am going look at two nurseries tomorrow so I am hoping that might help a little, though not holding my breath.

One nursery sounds amazing (I'm nervous it sounds too good to be true). Typically, they only have limited space available from September. Its within walking distance and in between our house and Stuart's work so he'll be able to do some drop offs and pick ups.

The other nursery still sounds good and only a little further out so probably still walkable. They have availability for whatever we want immediately.

Ultimately, I'll also be watching the staff's reaction to Callum and Callum's reaction to the nursery.

Hoping the whole trip goes ok as he is not liking his mummy right now. I am not in favour...it is currently Stuart's turn. This in itself is fine...its when he didn't want me today when picking him up from nursery and asked for Gemma, one of his nursery carers. Maybe the time we will get together when we move will do us good. I'm worried he'll drive me mad so will be sure to plan as much stuff for us to do as possible....hopefully, the sun will shine loads and we can spend plenty of time on the beach and such like....while I look for a job as well of course.

On the potty training front...cracked it completely on the wee front...poo front DEFINITELY needs more work. More in pants than in potty at the moment :-(

Potty progress and Mummy Guilt

First off, the potty progress.

Ultimately, Callum is doing really well. Except one small accident today, he has mastered wees really quickly. Unfortunately, we are not having as much success with poos. I understand this is a common problem...I'm just not sure how to tackle it. After Callum has achieved his third full reward sheet of stickers, I'm thinking of either saying only giving a sticker if he has a completely accident free day or only giving a sticker for poos in a potty. I am worried that if we say only if he has a completely accident free day he will start trying to hold them in so perhaps the latter idea may work better.

I am trying to understand the reason for it in Callum's case and trying to learn from my previous mistakes and trust that he will get it eventually without pushing things too hard.

My thoughts for why he isn't doing it is for a couple of reasons as he does often sit on the potty and 'try' to poo. He often tries and complains it hurts because he is constipated. I think he is just having trouble identifying the difference between wind and poo. This is another reason why I think he will get it eventually.

I'm keeping cool about it - it is just such a shame when he has a completely dry day then in the evening he poos in his pants.

*fascinating blog post about poo* - when did my life get so exciting????

Anyway, onto other news....mummy guilt.

I smacked Callum tonight and feel awful about it. Callum bit me and broke the skin/drew blood. It was just my instinctive reaction to smack him. It has not been a natural reaction for me up until now to smack Callum. In fact, I find the opposite to be true. I am not sure why I am surprised as smacking/hitting anyone isn't natural for me so why should it be so to a child who I am very conscious of being smaller and more vulnerable than me? That's why I feel so bad about this. But it wasn't a conscious measured response that I thought about, it was an immediate reaction. I guess it is that control thing - it hurt and I lost control. Even after the event, he continued to play up and was a struggle to keep on the naughty step.

After though, I did show him the bite and he kissed it better and apologised. I did the same for smacking him and where I smacked him. I am a strong believer of 'practice what you preach' as in if you tell someone to not bite/hit/smack etc, how can they understand if you then demonstrate that behaviour to them.

It was a rare event so I am sure there wont be a repeat in the near future - it is just hard to consciously intercept an instinctive reaction to Callum's behaviour as I am sure he will try to hit/bite/smack me again in the future. Normally, it is straight to naughty step - the difference this time was the pain I felt at the time and my body's natural response to that.

I am recovering with large glass of wine!

The funny thing is, as I was growing up, I was smacked if I was naughty and I had always thought I would do the same with my children. Strange thing how your ideas change once you actually are a parent.

Pee, Poo, Pants & Potty

After a couple of false starts earlier in the year, Sunday saw the start of potty training for Callum (well obviously not Stuart, myself or Lotté!!!!). It was completely led by him too. Like everything in a child's development that you worry about, if you just leave it to them they will do it when they are ready!!!

What happened was:

We got in from a shop at the supermarket around lunchtime and Callum needed his nappy changed (wet). He wouldn't then let me put on a new nappy. After a bit of play I asked him if he would let me put a nappy on now and he said no then "wee wee Mummy, potty". Luckily, we still had a potty in the lounge (where we were) from the previous attempt so I grabbed it and tradarrrr he did a wee on the potty. I put some pants on after he asked for them and then other than a couple of little accidents he then continued to wee on the potty for the rest of the afternoon. I never knew a child could wee so much, it seemed like every 5 minutes. His sticker chart was filling up in no time!

So, the test was nursery. Monday he went in pants (Thomas of course) and I took plenty of spare pants and clothes and gave the news to nursery. I was hoping it would be a nice day so he could run around without any trousers on (but still pants) but, unfortunately, it was a horrible wet day. I was a little nervous when going to pick Callum up but was pleased to hear he had only had 3 accidents which were mainly because he was in his all in one outdoor suit thing and he couldn't take it off quick enough. Going by the number of times he went for a wee at home on Sunday, I was really pleased with just 3 accidents. He then did a couple more wees and......a Poo!!!! in the potty at home and earned his first reward (a Wilson Chuggington train).

Today was day two at nursery and he only had 2 accidents in the afternoon while there. Unfortunately, I had run to nursery, not really thinking through the potty training and the bus journey home. I was unprepared with no wipes or bags etc for any potty incident that could happen on the way home. Although I did have the potty with me.

We were waiting for the bus when.....I smell something not too pleasant....he had done a poo in his pants. I found myself scooping out the poo with a bit of cardboard and he had to stay in his dirty pants bless him.

I'm so proud of him. Fingers crossed it continues.

The hard bit is when he goes to bed he wants to continue wearing pants and not a nappy but judging by how heavy his nappy was this morning it will be a while before he is dry at night. But one step at a time.

On another note...

I was teaching Callum 5 little ducks. For those that aren't familiar with the rhyme it goes:

5 little ducks went swimming one day,

Over the hills and far away

Mummy duck says "quack, quack, quack, quack"

And only 4 little ducks came back.

complete with actions and you count down until 0 ducks come back and then on the next quack all 5 come back.

Callum was copying me with the actions and what I was saying and then it got to:

"Mummy duck says "quack, quack, quack, quack""

and he repeated it after me but slight different saying

"Callum duck says "quack, quack, quack, quack""

I love my son :o)

Making friends

Shhhh, I'm just going to say this really quickly and really quietly in the hope that some unseen force doesn't notice and then jinx it. I'm really loving Callum right now!

Don't get me wrong, he still has plenty of moments.

Take one day last week, for example. He did the dreaded thing of falling asleep in the car on the way home from nursery. When I got home, I woke him up and brought him in and he was not best pleased to put it mildly. He had a wee hissy fit then fell asleep on the sofa. By now it was about 6pm or close to. This was very bad news because it meant I could be in a world of trouble when it came to putting him to bed but my online food shop was due any moment (between 6 and 7pm). I could not deal with another mamoth trantrum if the shopping arrived. Its a shame, as he normally helps me with the shopping - with an alternative motive of snooping through to see what he can eat.

Eventually, the shopping came so I dumped the bags in the kitchen and then went to wake the monkey (now about 6.30pm). Yes, a meltdown did ensue. I decided the easiest thing was to try to get him into bed. The scene = Callum having a crazy fit on the floor. It really did look like a fit. I actually considered recording it to show to people to see if it was normal behaviour. He laid on his bedroom floor and would roll over back and forth bashing himself into his toy box again and again while crying. I tried to lay him on the bed as it was softer. He would hit and kick then want a cuddle but would hit and kick me again and pull my hair torn between wanting to be held and wanting to get away. I eventually got him to calm but it took a while and some considerable patience - which is particularly difficult when I have been training all day, am knackered and acutely aware that the shopping is still spread all over the kitchen floor.

Anyway, when he isn't being overtired I love him to pieces.

I think it is partly to do with him talking more now and stringing a few words together in a sentence and also to do with him starting to get more confident too.

He is starting to make friends now when we go somewhere where there are other little people. Stuart and I went to a local pub garden recently to meet with some friends. There were a number of other families there too. Callum took himself off to make friends with a child in an orange t-shirt that was playing nearby. It was lovely. But then the little boy had nipped back to his table to get a drink and Callum couldn't find him. He saw another little boy with an orange top on and thought it was the same friend. He saw him and a couple of other children that were all part of the same party standing on a slope waving at their parents. Callum went up there and joined in with them clearly having absolutely no idea why he was waving. Bless him. I had to go and show him where the previous boy was.

Later on, after both orange t-shirt boys had gone he even got himself a girlfriend that wanted to hold his hand!

After that, I took him to soft play and as soon as we got in there he made a friend. The funny thing was that the little boy kept calling Callum Ben. Our friends' oldest little boy (he is 5) who Callum has developed an obsession for (wants to copy everything he does, follows him around and talks about him lots) is called Ben. I can only assume that Callum had started calling the other boy Ben or saying the name and there was some kind of confusion.

I was starting to worry about how shy he was and whether he would easily make friends with other children - the last week or two has certainly been reassuring.

State of Independence

After sharing stories with a friend over the weekend, Stuart said I should share some of them on here. They all relate to Callum's self-sufficient and independent nature.

Long before Stuart turned round to me and said "How do I do it?" in response to asking him to polish the lounge, did I decide to ensure I would bring my son up being completely self-sufficient, knowing how to cook, clean and look after himself, in the way that I would bring up any daughter too. It appears, I may be on the right track with Callum!

A couple of months ago I was hankering after the lay-ins of 8-8.30am of a month or so previous, when Callum came in around 7am. I tried to convince him to go and play with his pirates in his bedroom for a bit, ignoring his cries for "milko" (cruel mummy!) and thought he had gone to do just that when he disappeared from our bedroom. Then, after a short while I heard cries of "mummmmyyy" then thump, "mummy" thump, "mummy" thump....."milkoooooo". I gave up on the lay in and went to investigate....obviously, after failing to get me to go to the milk he was bringing both the milk from the fridge and his cup from the draining board up to me. Bless him! He must have really wanted his milk.

Then, when Stuart was looking after Callum when he had chicken pox last month, Stuart was distracted with some work around lunch time but then heard Callum scraping a chair in the kitchen so thought he had best see what he was doing. Callum had got out the bread, butter and cheese and was about to make himself a cheese sandwich - think he must have been hungry!

Callum also took Stuart up his own version of breakfast in bed the other day. I had left a little smarties egg thing, that had broke in my handbag, in the fridge. When I was staying at a friends for the night, similar to me a couple of months before, Stuart was desperate to try to get a bit more of a lay in after working until gone midnight the night before. When Callum got up, Stuart went downstairs with him and got him his milk and gave him a banana for breakfast then told Callum he was going back upstairs. Stuart went back to bed but kept half an ear on Callum downstairs. A while later, Callum came upstairs with a bowl - inside was the egg, with the foil removed and broken up further with the smarties and gave it to Stuart. Of course, with the intention that Stuart would share it with Callum.

On the cooking front, I often have Callum helping me. I keep a careful watch on him but he gets involved with all parts from cutting vegetables, to mixing ingredients to stirring a boiling pot or holding a frying pan on the hob.

He helps us make tea by being in charge of putting the tea bags in the cups, squeezing them when the tea is ready and taking the bags out again.

Believe me, I am VERY careful with him and would never leave him alone and I teach him how dangerous everything is. Don't worry, it will be at least another 6 months before I expect him to put it all together and bring us our bacon sandwiches and tea in bed! JOKE!!!

I remember when he was about 2 or even before he was 2, I was cleaning the work surfaces in the kitchen after making lunch or dinner and he started copying me putting his hand at the edge of the worktop while wiping a cloth towards it - not understanding exactly what he was doing, he wasn't particularly good at catching the crumbs but all in good time!

In addition to this, at the risk of passing on my own OCD to him, he is very good at tidying up after himself and a little too obsessive in making sure things get put back in their right place. I like things to be put in their right place. After a bath, both Callum and I put all the toys back in the toy net or wherever they are meant to go. Recently, I decided the bath books I always put back behind the taps would actually be better put in the net. Callum wouldn't have any of it - "no mummy! There" and he put them back behind the taps and wouldn't let me put them in the net. He did the same when a little younger when I, without thinking about it, always put the flannel over one of the bath handles. When I tried to put it over the other one, he corrected it.

He has gone to our friends' house and started tidying away the toys that their sons had previously got out to play with before we arrived.

Callum helps me load and unload the dishwasher, put out the washing on the line and get it in, he insists on helping me feed Lotté too.

One thing's for sure, if he keeps this up, I'll have to start giving him pocket money soon!!! What's the going rate for a 2 year old? 10p for every year of his life maybe? That makes it about 25p.

That's if I don't get Social Services calling for being a negligent parent!

Join the dots

It finally got him - the pox that is! Chicken pox!

The first spot was last Thursday. I noticed a blister type spot on his belly in the morning but couldn't see another on him so thought it might just be a mutant spot of some kind but was meant to mention it to the nursery so they kept a look out. However, I forgot.

All was quiet until 3pm when I got a call from the nursery - more spots had appeared.

So Friday, I took off work an Callum and I went to my mum's for the day. Stuart was off to the Bournemouth office and we had already discussed Callum and I going down that evening so thought we may as well make a day of it instead. Callum was completely fine in himself, just spotty.

Friday afternoon he must have been feeling a little poorly though as for the first time ever, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the last, Callum actually agreed he wanted to go to bed! He climbed up onto my lap and cuddled into me so I asked him if he wanted to go for a nap and he nodded. So, in shock and assuming he didn't understand what I meant I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs for a sleep and he said yes again. So I went upstairs and laid him on the bed and pulled the curtains. Unfortunately, he didn't stay their for longer than 2 minutes but he picked up after that.

It wasn't until we got home from my parents on the Saturday evening that it was truly noticeable that he was feeling poorly. He went straight to bed without a bath as soon as we got in. He then woke when Stuart and I went to bed and wouldn't settle. I ended up spending half the night in his bed with him. He then woke us up about 6am in the morning and Stuart got up with him at 6.30 while I got a lovely lay in.

When I went downstairs, I found Callum laying on Stuart under the blanket on the sofa where, apparently, they had both been all morning.

Callum then spent the rest of that day as my pet limpet! He wouldn't let me leave him for 5 minutes. I had planned to cook a risotto for dinner but poor Stuart, who had never cooked one before, had to do it as Callum wouldn't let me. Stuart did a really good job too so he can make it again :o)

Stuart and I then played it in turns to pox sit while the other one worked - or study as I did on the Monday. Finally, Callum went back to nursery yesterday (Thursday). The spots are heeling nicely with just a few major pot holes remaining and the rest are tiny scabby spots. I would say he had about a 100 in total although it is hard to say as I think his head was the worst hit but you couldn't see them because of his hair (only feel them).

At least we finally have that one out of the way.

On a separate note, very very cute thing Callum has learnt - when you are playing with him making him laugh lots he then says "funny" while giggling. Not the same writing it down you have to hear it really but it is really cute and I am chuffed he uses it in the right context.

When are they publishing that "how to be a good parent" book again?

Stuart and I are doing what many a parent before us has done and are questioning our parenting skills. Particularly when it comes to discipline.

We know the rules:

Be consistent

Work together

Naughty step

Use the cage sparingly but effectively...oh, ok, not the cage...!

But it is so hard to know whether what you do first is the right thing so you change it and you find you aren't being consistent. You don't want to be fighting all the time or ruin his happy mood so you let things go. Forever wanting the easy life takes over.

Then you decide to get strict, lay down the law and try to stick to it, only to realise that it is that day he is poorly which is why he is acting up, not eating etc.

All we have to go by is how our parents brought us up and what we remember of their parenting techniques. What we don't know is how they felt after telling us off and seeing us distraught as a result or when they knew afterwards that they had made a mistake that time. In some ways, this is reassuring as Callum will be the same as he grows up but what we can't see is how much of what we are doing now is going to shape his behaviour and personality in the future. Oh for a crystal ball...or that manual that gives you all the answers...or super-nanny locked away in your shed!

Another issue, even if there was such a manual, is that every child is different (as we are constantly being reminded by every professional who has ever wrote a book or expressed an opinion on parenting) so what works for one child wont work for another.

So, the current battle, the vegetable one. How to get him to eat his vegetables. Our plan is the old faithful reward chart route but will welcome any other suggestions. I know you can disguise them but I don't want to be cooking different dinners for Callum when we are all eating a lovely Sunday roast. So we will try this way first and see how we get on.

Is there any rule to how many reward charts you can have????