20 weeks, 6 days

Stomach size: 100cm

Think I've had a bit of a growth spurt!!! Emphasised by the huge amount of stirfry I've just eaten!

Anyway, had our 20 week scan today. Baby is still doing well. All measurements were good apparently. Was a bit hard to work out the bits the Sonogropher was telling us at first as she was going down through the body from head to foot but then she zoomed out and showed us the various parts of the body. We saw its little feet and toes. It got hic-cups at the time too - strange I can't feel it when it has hic-cups yet. However, I do feel it move lots. It takes after its father there - a bit of a fidget!

We got photos again but I need to get them scanned in.

My BP is still high, more so than normal and the midwife told me to book an appointment with my GP asap - bit worrying now, I think they are going to put me on medication. My urine is still showing up clear of any protein though which is good so no other signs of pre-eclampsia.

Other news, been thinking a lot about 'the joys of pregnancy' or lack of them recently. Prompted by someone saying they loved being pregnant. I haven't quite worked out what the joys could be yet. I don't feel like I'm blooming (just blooming huge ;o) ). Some people say how calm they feel in pregnancy, I don't feel any calmer than normal - if anything less calm because I am hormonal. If I think too hard about being pregnant, the whole thing still scares me and I still think it is weird to have a little living thing moving inside me and couldn't really call it lovely. Though saying that, what is lovely is Stuart has literally just this second finally felt it move. I'm so happy for him. Anyway, the only joy that I can think of, which does trump all the negatives, is at the end of it you do get a little person that you and your partner (or me and Stuart) have created - but that is the end product not the pregnancy bit!! Hmmm....

Well, if anyone can name what they 'loved' about pregnancy, please enlighten me.

To finish, here are some piccies of my bump to keep you going until I get the scan pictures scanned in. Why does my stomach look so much bigger when it isn't covered?

19 Weeks, 6 days

Firstly, to all TP readers - here is the link to the new discussion board http://www.baby-daze.org.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=14 - hope to see you there.

This may be a good time to mention how useful I have found being a member of a pregnancy discussion board. The mums to be are all expecting around the same time so you can share with them any concerns or questions you may have. It is a really useful support network and I would recommend it.

I have friends that have recently had children or are even pregnant now but, although they can be a useful resource, I think the fact everyone is experiencing similar things at around the same time as you is what is helpful.

I'm feeling quite a bit more energetic at the moment but think a lot of it is down to the weather improving. It is amazing how motivating the sunshine can make you. I do have to watch myself though as my lower back and hips ache by the end of every day. It is hard to accept that I can't do as much as I used to. I've got so much that I want to do too.

Not a lot else going on at the moment. I have my next scan next week so will write an update after that, and maybe post some more scan piccies.

18 weeks, 5 days

Oh dear! I had a big hormonal teary moment last night.

Before I got pregnant, I've pretty much always been a size 12 (varying between the borders of 10-12 and 12-14). I went shopping yesterday with my mum and sister for maternity clothes for my holiday and tried on a pair of shorts and a skirt in size M which I would assume was about right for me. I couldn't get the shorts over my thighs and I did manage to get the skirt on but it was a bit on the tight size. I bought the skirt - refusing to go up to size L.

My sister gave me a skirt and a pair of shorts from when she was pregnant which are both size 12. I tried them on when I got home and had exactly the same problem. I couldn't get the shorts on at all and the skirt is a wrap round which I can get on but is tight.

When Stuart came up, he asked if I was OK, and I just broke down saying I was getting fat and I couldn't get into size 12 clothes anymore.

Stuart was really good, comforting me and saying it wasn't because I was putting on 'weight' as such but was just where my hips/pelvis were separating to make room for the baby.

I'm still convinced that I should be able to fit into size 12 maternity clothes and that the reason I can't is because my thighs and bum are getting bigger, but it was really nice of him to comfort me and tell me how lovely he thought I looked.

To make matters worse, a strap on a beach dress I bought broke. Now I know this was a fault with the dress, but it didn't help to make me feel any better about myself.

Off to Guildford now to change the dress and maybe change the skirt I bought to a size L (after I've tried it on).

Stuart wants me to get one of those professional naked photos done when I've got a big bump (for tasteful reasons I hasten to add). I just hate looking at myself naked at the moment that I imagine I would hate looking at it.

18 weeks, 1 day

Stomach size: 97cm

I am certain now that what I was feeling was movement and I am feeling Flump move daily. It likes it's food! Tends to wiggle just after breakfast and just after dinner. Am actually surprised at how often it moves. I thought I would only feel it in the beginning at bed time but it is at various times throughout the day but mainly the times I've said above.

I had a bath the other day and could really feel it quite strongly then. Most of the time I can feel it inside but there is no evidence of it on the outside - i.e. if you were to put your hand on my belly you wouldn't feel it. However, when in the bath, I could feel it on the outside too.

I still think it is very weird to think that there is something living inside me that is going to be (is) a little human. If I think about it too much it freaks me out and makes me feel like Sigourney Weaver in Alien!!!!

Went to the midwife yesterday to follow up about my blood pressure. It was a different midwife, who was really nice. She really explained everything and it was clear she knew her stuff. My BP was still high and she said that, as my BP was normally high (outside of pregnancy), they wouldn't worry about it but would have to keep an eye on me throughout the pregnancy. I will probably have to have my BP checked every 2-3 weeks and am likely to need medication later on in pregnancy to make sure I don't develop pre-eclampsia. They will also probably do tests on my kidneys and liver too, later on, to check that everything is still working properly - they can stop working properly if I do get pre-eclampsia. Obviously, they will also monitor the baby and make sure he/she is getting the blood supply he/she needs. No real concern now though and all the above is just a precaution. My BP may even go down as it does for some people.

Stuart came with me this time so got to hear the heart beat too. He thinks it is into Techno as the heart beat along with the noise of the placenta made a kinda techno beat.

Headaches have gone, thankfully. Haven't had one for about a week. Didn't end up going for a massage or anything. They went of their own accord.

16 weeks, 5 days

He he - I just had to write my next entry in my pregnancy diary. I am sure I am feeling movement.

Everyone (including the books and websites and other information sources) says that it feels like butterflies and can be confused with wind first of all but I don't think it feels like that at all.

The night before last I had a dream that I felt the baby move. The next day, I wondered whether it actually happened but worked its way into my dream. Then last night, just before bed while watching tele and then in bed I kept feeling a kind of spasm inside about 3 inches below my belly button. I wasn't sure if it was the baby at first. I know it sounds strange but my heart was beating really strongly so that I could feel it in my tummy and I wasn't sure if I was just feeling that. Although, deep down I didn't really believe that because it did feel slightly different. The problem was that it just wasn't strong enough to be sure.

But then, just now while I was sitting reading I got the feeling again. I can describe it in two ways. It either feels like I am being flicked lightly (as with thumb and forefinger) from inside or, if you can imagine there are guitar strings in your lower abdomen and one is being gently plucked.

I wasn't really expecting to feel anything this soon but I've never felt anything like this so can only put it down to the baby moving.

15 weeks, 6 days

Couple of picks of bump!

I went to the midwife today so just thought I would write a quick update.

I did get to hear the heartbeat. It was really strong and healthy sounding. Was surprised at how clear it was - I expected it to sound faint or, well different. Was a shame Stuart wasn't there to hear it.

Blood pressure was quite high but I was kinda expecting that - I've had to have tests on my blood pressure and heart before so I'm sure it is fine. I do have to go back in a couple of weeks though to check it is ok.

No real solution to headaches other than my plan to go and get a massage, reflexology or some other 'alternative' therapy solution. Doesn't stop the man with a hammer crashing down the walls in my head at the moment though.

15 weeks, 4 days

Stomach size: 93 cm (I've shrunk this time)

It is very easy to write this blog when things are good and I am feeling fairly happy. It is quite difficult to do if you are feeling down especially if, like me, you are not normally very public with your emotions. Knowing that people are going to read this makes it quite difficult to talk about low days but, if I don't, it wont be a very accurate account.

I'm actually, not feeling quite so bad today but have been feeling pretty low. I am sure it is mainly due to the long winter and lack of sunny days but I'm starting to feel more emotional now which makes it harder to deal with. When the weather is poor I don't want to go out which then makes me feel caged in. I look out in the garden and it reminds me of everything that needs doing out there but I can't get motivated to do it when it is miserable outside.

I'm also starting to realise what I am missing being pregnant. Being quite an active person that likes to do very active things, I am missing doing things like climbing, running and things like that. I really want to go ice-skating but that has too high a risk of falling. I'm not actually missing the going out and 'partying' too much because I get tired early and I've always said I wouldn't miss drink too much (coming back to this) but it is the activities I miss. My dreams are being cruel by reminding me of the things I can't do, like body boarding.

Anyway, as I just said, I'm not really missing going out and drinking but we had a rare sunny day on Friday. I treated myself to a glass of wine and then really wanted to finish the bottle. Sunshine and white wine just seems to go together. Think I might struggle more through the summer and when I go on holiday in May. In case you are wondering, I did stop at the one glass and the rest of the bottle is still in the fridge.

Change of subject. I have been thinking about my body and how it is changing (or isn't) due to pregnancy. There are things that I've expected to happen due to what I've read that haven't really happened. They may still happen but not yet.

My skin hasn't improved or got worse it has stayed the same. My hair isn't thicker and the only reason it looks more healthy is because I have had a colour put on it which makes it look shiny. My boobs apparently haven't grown bigger though they are definitely more 'pert' - they no longer disappear under my arm pits when I lay on my back. I'm not necessarily disappointed as such but just thought I would highlight this in case others expect it too.

Stomach wise - I still feel more fat than pregnant - not helped by my legs getting huge and really orange peely (attractive!).

I'm still getting headaches though not quite as often. I'm still aching (literally) for a head and shoulder massage.

I've been sick more often since 12 weeks than before - mainly from drinking tea too quickly, so will learn from this as it happened again this morning.

Hmm, let me try to think of some positives and end this entry on a high note.

Erm, been thinking for over 5 minutes and can't think of anything. After another few minutes the only thing I can think of is at least my energy levels are quite good. Will hopefully have a more positive entry next time. Ah, just thought of something. I have my next midwife appointment on Wednesday and I am hoping I will get to hear the heart beat. Fingers crossed :oD