Monday, 7 April 2008

15 weeks, 4 days

Stomach size: 93 cm (I've shrunk this time)

It is very easy to write this blog when things are good and I am feeling fairly happy. It is quite difficult to do if you are feeling down especially if, like me, you are not normally very public with your emotions. Knowing that people are going to read this makes it quite difficult to talk about low days but, if I don't, it wont be a very accurate account.

I'm actually, not feeling quite so bad today but have been feeling pretty low. I am sure it is mainly due to the long winter and lack of sunny days but I'm starting to feel more emotional now which makes it harder to deal with. When the weather is poor I don't want to go out which then makes me feel caged in. I look out in the garden and it reminds me of everything that needs doing out there but I can't get motivated to do it when it is miserable outside.

I'm also starting to realise what I am missing being pregnant. Being quite an active person that likes to do very active things, I am missing doing things like climbing, running and things like that. I really want to go ice-skating but that has too high a risk of falling. I'm not actually missing the going out and 'partying' too much because I get tired early and I've always said I wouldn't miss drink too much (coming back to this) but it is the activities I miss. My dreams are being cruel by reminding me of the things I can't do, like body boarding.

Anyway, as I just said, I'm not really missing going out and drinking but we had a rare sunny day on Friday. I treated myself to a glass of wine and then really wanted to finish the bottle. Sunshine and white wine just seems to go together. Think I might struggle more through the summer and when I go on holiday in May. In case you are wondering, I did stop at the one glass and the rest of the bottle is still in the fridge.

Change of subject. I have been thinking about my body and how it is changing (or isn't) due to pregnancy. There are things that I've expected to happen due to what I've read that haven't really happened. They may still happen but not yet.

My skin hasn't improved or got worse it has stayed the same. My hair isn't thicker and the only reason it looks more healthy is because I have had a colour put on it which makes it look shiny. My boobs apparently haven't grown bigger though they are definitely more 'pert' - they no longer disappear under my arm pits when I lay on my back. I'm not necessarily disappointed as such but just thought I would highlight this in case others expect it too.

Stomach wise - I still feel more fat than pregnant - not helped by my legs getting huge and really orange peely (attractive!).

I'm still getting headaches though not quite as often. I'm still aching (literally) for a head and shoulder massage.

I've been sick more often since 12 weeks than before - mainly from drinking tea too quickly, so will learn from this as it happened again this morning.

Hmm, let me try to think of some positives and end this entry on a high note.

Erm, been thinking for over 5 minutes and can't think of anything. After another few minutes the only thing I can think of is at least my energy levels are quite good. Will hopefully have a more positive entry next time. Ah, just thought of something. I have my next midwife appointment on Wednesday and I am hoping I will get to hear the heart beat. Fingers crossed :oD

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