I remember, when pregnant with Callum, everyone warned that the first few weeks with a newborn are hard but it all starts to get easier from 6 weeks. When I had Callum at first I wondered what all the stress was about, I found it relatively easy (well easier than I expected) but by the time 6 weeks came along I was falling apart, regularly breaking down into tears & it all got incredibly hard.
When my NCT mummy friends confirmed that for them things started getting easier at about 6 weeks, I assumed it was different for me because Callum was born nearly 4 weeks early. He slept more in the first couple of weeks so by the time 6 weeks came I assumed this was the equivalent to 2 weeks for most people.
However, here I am again and once more I feel like I'm falling apart. The sleep deprivation is taking its toll, I'm questioning myself with every action as I try to master the day time sleeping patterns (or lack of pattern), Millie is becoming more demanding and I regularly find myself in tears and days fly by in a blink. I find myself hating the newborn stage again! Believe it or not, even though Stuart was I'll in the first couple of weeks, Millie was fairly straight forward then. She slept. I could put her in her Moses basket after a feed & she would happily sleep. Now I am constantly looking for the sleep signals then can spend hours soothing, stroking, rocking her to sleep before giving in and either cuddling her to sleep or placing her in the sling.
I don't want to wish this time away. I love Millie being so small and I want to savour every day with her but it's so hard not to will it to be a month or so on when ones are starting to fall into a routine.
My problems with breastfeeding haven't helped my emotional state but that's another post which I will write after this one.
I know that the less you stress about stuff the quicker things fall into place & stressing about things makes everything seem much worse than it actually is. But when all you want to do is grab yourself a sandwich at lunch or hang the latest mountain of baby clothes on the line to dry but every time you approach such an activity the baby starts to cry & refuses to settle into sleep again unless they are attached to you, it all gets a bit draining.
I have a sling kindly borrowed from a friend and that helps (except when you a busting for a wee). I also know that getting out helps your sanity & usually guarantees one good sleep for the baby but when you are feeling down with the situation and it's raining yet again it's hard to motivate yourself. Again, this isn't helped by the breastfeeding issues as if it's 'problem boob's' turn which is not the most easiest feed to do in public (rugby ball hold) then I can often put off an outing! This time I also have the added guilt of the more time I spend with Millie the more I am neglecting Callum - and vice versa!
But, I do know it's not for ever and before I know it I'll be looking back on these weeks like a distant memory both grateful I won't have to go through it again but sad that my baby has changed so much already & I can't get that time back.