Wednesday 2 May 2012

Who’s That Funny Girl in That Mirror There? 25 Weeks

I’m really not liking my pregnant body at the moment! I know I should and I’m trying to but I look in the mirror, particularly at me naked, and I’m almost repulsed by what I see. That sounds strong I know but its my first and natural reaction.

I’m by no means svelte and I have lots of bumps in places I’d rather not have places – some are down to pregnancy but mostly they are down to my diet and lack of exercise (she says as she shovels another spoonful of Nutella into her gob!) but this isn’t just a vanity thing! I know, with a bit of hard work, I can fix that after baby!

Its that I don’t recognise my own body – its not me.

I don’t mind ‘so much’ when I’m clothed, although I don’t like looking at my bumpy self, but naked….shiver! My tummy looks funny, my bellybutton looks odd…I just look…wrong!

I have no issues at looking at anyone else naked or other naked bumps, in fact, I often think a pregnant naked lady is beautiful – so why don’t I like it on me?

I remember when my feet first started to swell when I was pregnant with Callum. No one else could notice the difference, they weren’t hugely swollen, but I looked down at my feet and they weren’t my feet. I gasped and said “These aren’t my feet – my feet look funny, they don’t look like my own”. Its weird! This is similar – I look at my body and its not my body!

Thankfully, the next day after giving birth, I looked at my feet and the swelling had already gone down and I recognised my feet again – it was then that I knew I wasn’t going mad (too late for that!) as now they looked perfectly fine again – in fact they looked like my feet but skinnier!

I was the same with my pregnant bump last time too, so it shouldn’t be a surprise. I had hoped that when Stuart bought me a photo shoot gift experience for my Birthday at about 6.5-7 months pregnant, that it would help me to change my view on my body and get me used to seeing myself in a different light. I am so pleased I got the photos done and definitely want to have some bump photos taken this time too. I can look at them and appreciate them as photos of a pregnant woman but when I think of them as me I still feel uncomfortable looking at them and don’t recognise them as my body.

There’s no solution to it I suppose – apart from to stop looking at myself in the mirror!

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