Sunday, 19 August 2012

Waiting For the Pot to Boil: 40 weeks, 4 days

OK, now I’m in danger of getting fed up! Its funny how something takes over in your head. If I think about it, I’ve no real need to be fed up. I’m still shit scared of the actual event and its hard to pinpoint when my mentality changed from not being in a hurry and not being ‘ready’ to being more than ready and then getting to a point where I no longer think about what is going to happen and just want to get on with it!

I think part of it is other people’s impatience and everyone making you think you ‘should’ feel fed up – they say “don’t worry, it wont be long” or “you must be getting really fed up now” so you start to think you should be. Plus the “not long to go now” phrase kind of makes you get your hopes up that its imminent…then 2 more weeks pass without anything! I don’t mind people asking, after all, I get excited about other people and have asked many a friend at the end of their pregnancy the same questions they have asked me. I’m sure I have even uttered the words “not long now” too. I know they are just excited for me and that’s great, so if you are reading this, please don’t stop asking.

What also contributes are the false starts. About 3 times, I’ve geared myself up to think “this is it” – after each of the sweeps (of which I’ve had 2) I’ve felt awful. My hips and body ache and it makes me feel miserable, I’ve felt lucky to get to bedtime but fully expect to be woken in the night in the throes of labour. This then means I spend the whole night in a half sleep where every twinge makes me stir thinking this is it then nothing, every ‘dribble’ down below I think my waters are breaking but no. I then wake the next day feel absolutely normal again and it makes me feel like it was a wasted opportunity. That it should’ve happened but now I’ve ‘missed my chance’.

Finally, I’m concerned about this baby being born too close to Callum’s birthday, 2 September. I’m worried our children are going to hate us for the continuous joint birthday parties. But after talking this through with my Dad, why am I worried? Does this really matter? Perhaps it will be better. They aren’t going to be sharing presents as they’ll be 4 years apart in age and ones a boy and the other a girl! Maybe I need to get over this fear. It may mean Callum might not get much of a birthday this year but this shouldn’t matter for the future really!

Because of this, I’ve decided to change my way of thinking. My new ‘Due Date is my Induction Date – 29 August. I’ll not ‘expect’ her to arrive before then but if she does, then great, at least I know I’m mentally ready! And perhaps I’ll stop sitting around just waiting for it to happen – I’m sure its much more likely to happen if I’m distracted and not thinking about it. After all, remember the great adage “A watched pot never boils!”

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