Wednesday 13 June 2012

Don't want mummy

Callum is revisiting the "I don't want mummy, I want daddy" phase again. This is nothing new and I've even blogged about it before but with my pregnancy hormones I keep letting it get to me. I find it exhausting!

As I've said before, I know he doesn't really understand or mean what he says in the way we take it to mean. I know its because I am the constant parent in his life where stuart works more and therefore not around as much as I am. This can lead to either being spoilt by Stuart or, the other extreme, a stressed Stuart being unfairly cross with him.

But knowing this doesn't make dealing with it any easier when I'm tired & emotional myself.

One example recently was when I was very tired and Callum had been difficult all day. He was pushing me but somehow I was managing to stay patient with him. But eventually, after refusing to do anything I asked at bedtime and after constant cries of "I don't want you, I want daddy" I broke...ran into my bedroom desperately texting Stuart pleading with him to come home soon. I couldn't take it anymore. Callum could see I was crying & I explained the things he was saying was hurtful to mummy & made me sad. I asked him how he would feel if I told him all the time I didn't want him. Then Stuart came home & again pointed out he was being mean to me and making me cry. Callum then seemed upset I was crying and kept saying "mummy not crying any more" and hugged me and eventually said he loved me with prompting.

I thought he got it. He stopped saying it for a while. Started saying he loved me again where as he had been saying he didn't love mummy he only loved daddy. But recently he is slipping back into not wanting me again.

The worst day is a Monday. After being spoilt from daddy or nanna and/or getting daddy attention over the weekend, Callum hates Monday's and hates saying goodbye to daddy in the morning. He starts being difficult and I spend the day trying to recondition him to being a well behaved boy again. Thankfully, he then turns back in to nice Callum for the rest of the week and only cries for daddy if he hurts himself.

I imagine some of this is down to me not being able to do the things I used to before I was pregnant, like pick him up and the further along the pregnancy line I go, the less I can do those things. The tiredness creeping back now means I don't play with him as much and makes me short tempered sometimes. I know all this is going to have a affect on Callum and his behaviour. I do worry how he will be when the baby is here and I hope we can have some mummy-Callum only time so I can make it up to him.

I remember Callum was like this a bit before Stuart went away to India last and the time just us was good for us. I fell in favour again. Stuart is due to go away again to America for a week so perhaps it will be just what Callum and I need. Either that or I'll be hitting the imaginary wine bottle!

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