Friday 14 March 2008

12 weeks, 1 day

Raaar, still no scan date. It is so frustrating that 12 weeks has been the landmark that we’ve been waiting for, the date when we expected we would be able to tell everyone and we can’t because we are still waiting for the scan date. I called the hospital on Monday who said that they would be booking the scan dates for ‘my date’ on the Tuesday so I had definitely expected to hear by now but we still haven’t.

We are so desperate to tell people that it would be easy to just say, well we are out of the danger zone now so why not but our fear now is if they notice something wrong when we have the scan. I suspect I am low risk for anything but you can never be sure. I really don’t know what we would decide to do. Such a difficult choice, how can you make one like that? Part of me feels, how can I choose to terminate a baby that could still have a really good life, but there have been a couple of programmes on TV that have talked about the huge commitment to the parents’ life it is. Not just for 18 years but for life. It feels selfish but there appears to be such little support for families. I’m probably worrying about lots of things that are never going to happen. Although, I do feel for the parents that do have to make that choice. Is every first time mum as neurotic as me???

We told Stuart’s parents on Saturday gone and, as expected, Stuart’s mum was thrilled. So lots of baby and pregnancy talk over the weekend.

Feeling very fat today but think that is just the large portion of fish and chips I’ve just consumed (though my cat did help me with half my fish!!!).

I have been asked how I feel about all the things that I was previously scared about regarding pregnancy and birth. To be honest, I’m just not thinking about it. I’m quite good at ignoring emotions and fears I don’t want to face up to. Plus, because we have been waiting for The Scan before we accept it is really happening, that has been quite easy to do. However, I think as I start to look more pregnant and the baby starts to move, that might be when the reality might set in – eeek!

I’ve just read all the entries back including one early on where Lou said I would be too tired to exercise. How right she was. I’m so glad to be able to have the energy to go swimming now - I’m really pleased with myself.

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