14 Months, 3 Weeks (Post 2)

Couple of things since I wrote my last entry...

NEWSFLASH!!!!

Callum ate 2/3rds of a pork chop and even tried (and ate a tiny bit) vegetables!!!! This is amazing! He has spat out pork chop before and I've already said about him not eating vegetables. He even ate a bit of vegetable with a bit of pork chop. He then tried each of the vegetables. Admittedly, he did spit out the veg he tried on its own but small steps! It is still a huge step forward for us.

Also, I asked Callum for a kiss and he pursed his lips for a kiss - so cute! It is more like he squeezes his lips together and pouts his bottom lip - adorable :o) *proud mummy*.

He is being a real piggy these last two days and drank 14oz at bedtime. Screamed when his bottle finished so I had to get him some more milk. He then wouldn't let go of his bottle and kept chewing the teat - I think he must be teething. Stuart had to go in there when he got home to grab the bottle.

Just had to update with the latest developments before I forgot!

14 Months, 3 Weeks

Well, following on from Callum being ill the other week (starting on a Tuesday, kind of clearing up by the Thursday but still not himself until the end of the following week!!!!!), on the Friday after he got ill, I caught the same bug. Horrid, horrid, horrid. I think I'm in danger of repeating myself from an earlier post but it is bloody hard work looking after a sick child but looking after one when you are sick yourself is beyond words! Luckily (I say luckily but didn't feel in any way lucky!!), whereas Callum had it spread out over a few days, I had it more aggressive but concentrated to 1 day.

I never thought I would say this but thank god for CBeebies. Thankfully, Callum was happy to sit and watch it all day, every day and often fell asleep on the sofa watching it. He couldn't sleep in his cot much as it was always in the wash.

That was the other difficult thing, trying to keep up with all the washing. I was doing several washes a day every day and still couldn't catch up. Even when Callum was over the sickness bug, a tickly cough remained which kept making him sick. It was never ending!

But phew! Thankfully, it is over and fingers crossed we wont get it again for quite some time!

Neither of us are still 100% as we both have a chesty cough (again!!!) but we are happy with it so not too bad.

However, all this had led me on to thinking about giving Callum vitamin drops. We take vitamins ourselves so it seems silly not to give them to Callum. He is probably offered a healthier and more varied diet than us but if he finds a vegetable, he rejects it and after being sick, his appetite went right down so it was difficult to get him to eat anything substantial for a couple of weeks. Thankfully, he has his appetite back now but I would just feel more comfortable to know he is getting a regular supply of vitamins. I read up on it and it is apparently recommended that parents give their children (from the age of 6 months to 5 years) vitamins so I might ask my HV about them.

Speaking of which, I need to rearrange Callum's MMR. I rang up to cancel it when he first got ill (about a month ago) and they told me it was the day before - oops! I keep forgetting to ring up to rebook it but, to be honest, I wouldn't have wanted him to have it if he wasn't feeling 100% so probably just as well I haven't remembered as I probably would have just had to cancel it again!

Last week was a hard week for me with Callum. With him not being back to his usual happy self, I found him very hard work. I was in desperate need of a Toddler Translator. He would cry and scream for something but I had no idea what he wanted. He would constantly direct me out to the kitchen by pointing and then point at random things or things he wasn't allowed. Especially when he was recovering from being ill - he kept pointing to things that were likely to make him sick again. I knew he was hungry but he would refuse anything plain I offered him throwing a huge tantrum. Occasionally, I would give in to a demand just to keep him happy but then he would throw it up. He suddenly hated his baths and would throw big tantrums and continually try to get out. Even since he has got better his confidence seems to have been knocked. Although he might go off to play at social situations, he would soon come back to me and just want to sit on my lap. Very, very unlike him. He was so happy and confident to just go and play and never looking for me before. He is slowly getting his confidence back and was such an angel toddler over the weekend so I'm hoping he'll be back to his usual self by the next social thing I take him too.

The last couple of days he seems to want to say more words but I keep saying that on here and he doesn't actually end up saying anything. He does seem to choose a word in his own language and continue say it for a day or so but I have no idea what it actually means. We have had recently 'bidet', 'baboo' (which we thought was 'no poo' but he says it at other times too) and today it is 'di doo'. As I said, a translator would be useful right now!

I took Callum swimming again on Sunday and he was so excited. He loves it. He was sitting on the side and jumping into my arms. He kept reaching for something leaning out of my arms and getting a face and mouthful of water but didn't seem to mind. I really want to get something that will help him float and give him independence from me in the water but need to research what will be the best thing. As I have said before, I must take him more as I would have him to lose his confidence in the water too.

14 months, 1 week, 2 days

My poor little sausage has been under the weather quite a bit lately. I count us lucky that he hasn't had too many illnesses so far in his life as some of my friends' little ones seem to catch a lot more than Callum. Sometimes because they go to nursery and Callum doesn't but not all of them do so I take full praise for the wonderful antibodies that I've passed on :o). However, he has managed to catch a couple of viruses recently.

He had a cold a couple of months ago, then just as he was getting over that he caught a throat infection that caused him to have a nasty cough and now, just as he was getting over that, he has caught another virus! A sickness bug this time. He has been sick for the last couple of days and hasn't managed to eat anything and keep it down. Thankfully, he has drunk more water today than yesterday but still not getting anywhere near enough fluids. The worrying thing is that he keeps being sick in his sleep :o(. I took him to the doctor today after calling the Health Visitor. I was pretty sure they would say it was just something he would need to get over himself but he had a couple of odd symptoms that didn't make sense so the HV said I should take him to the doctor just to be sure.

Sure enough, he said he had a virus and there was nothing he could do for him. He said his throat is sore again and he could see he wasn't himself. Callum also has a dry rash on his cheeks which I was worried might be Slapped Cheek Syndrome, although he didn't have the other cold/flu like symptoms but the Dr said he thought it was just a bit of baby eczema and to put moisturiser on it. I think it might be a sign of him being dehydrated but then I'm not a doctor!

Poor love is so not himself either. This morning I put him on the sofa to drink his milk (which is the only thing he has managed to consume and keep down surprisingly) with a blanket over him and kiddie tv on. As soon as he had finished his milk he just closed his eyes and went to sleep. He had only been awake an hour :-/. He has been mostly asleep or happy to just be snuggled up to me on the sofa. He hasn't played with any of his toys or shown an interest in anything else.

In the meantime, completely selfish comment from me, I'm getting cabin fever. And cabin fever makes me want to eat...and none of it good! So I'm getting wider by eating loads and sitting on my butt! And to think I chose this week to start my diet again! Well, last week actually but didn't do particularly well then either. I just hope he is better for Friday as we have a couple of things booked in the diary that I think will do us both good!

One of the things is Gym Jams. It is a type of soft play centre but different from the usual ones. It is in a village hall and has a bouncy castle, a deep ball pool and lots of soft structures to clamber over. Callum loves it and I get to have a nice cup of tea and a natter while he goes off to play. The place is still quite small so you can keep an eye on him without having to be by his side. They have a Christmas party too with Father Christmas. How exciting, Callum's first Christmas party and the first time he has seen Father Christmas. I hope he doesn't get scared like some children do...

I took Callum swimming last week and was keen to make it a weekly occurrence but then he got ill again so I couldn't take him this week. He loved it last week though. He is gaining so much confidence in the water - too much really as he was trying to crawl to the deep end. I was trying to get him to sit on the side then jump into the pool into my arms. He did it a couple of times. I need to get him some arm bands or something I think as he needs to learn how to be on his own in the water (of course with me supervising but not with me holding him all the time). I have wondered whether I should go without them so that he is encouraged to swim earlier but not sure that is the best thing to do. I have tried him with arm bands before (a friend let me try her boy's) and they do take some skill in themselves as children don't realise that the arm bands will keep their arms up and then they still need to hold their heads up. Plus the ones we tried weren't particular good as the whole of him wanted to sink rather than the armbands holding him up. I have seen those suits with the float around the middle and wonder whether they will be better. Need to find some people who have tried both to see what would be best. I really do want to take Callum swimming more regularly.

Hopefully, he will be back to himself before I know it and we can get back to his usual active social life :o)

1 year, 1 month, 3 weeks, 6 days

I am finding this age quite hard at the moment. Life looking after Callum has gone back to being relentless! No where near as hard as the first 6 months but constant nonetheless. I feel bad complaining because I know what I'm going through is nothing special and everyone else can cope just fine without complaining, not to mention those that have more than one child, but I'm fed up of my bum skimming the seat as I nearly sit down and constantly saying "no" calling "Callum" and "don't do...". It is fine, of course, when I sit down and play with Callum one to one but it is when I need to get on and do other stuff I get frustrated. I do play with Callum quite a bit but there are times I do need to do other things while he is awake - especially if he hasn't had his full nap (around 2 hours).

If I am on the laptop, he is trying to press all the buttons (usually the backspace, enter or delete buttons) or is trying pull or push the screen. He is still always trying to push the buttons on the sky box, video/dvd player, ps3 Wii and TV. Thankfully, he is less interested in the CVs and DVDs now but does still go to play with them occasionally. If I leave the lounge door open to the kitchen he often makes a mad dash to play with the squash bottles on the bottom shelf of our cupboard (the door has fallen off at the moment), play with the recycling, play with the washing machine.

I am trying to go out more to keep him entertained. He has moved his nap from 10.30am to be 11.30-12 so it means we can now do something in the morning or afternoon (or both). I've been to a couple of toddler/play groups and another type of soft play centre.

To be honest, I haven't been that keen on the toddler groups. I can completely understand people's need to go and why they find the support there invaluable but this is sort of my problem with them. The people that go there are either those that need the support or those that really want to help those that need the support. The main reason I am going is to entertain Callum. I don't seem to fit in either of the above camps and am therefore not meeting like-minded people to me. As I just said, the reason I am going is for Callum so it isn't a problem if I don't get to meet/talk to people or make friends, as long as Callum enjoys himself. But I would rather find somewhere where I felt relaxed and comfortable.

The soft play place was brilliant though. Pain to get to in the morning as the session starts at 9am and goes through a major traffic hot spot but it was worth it. I'll definite go again and they do have later sessions and sessions on a different day too so if traffic continues to be a problem then I can try a different one. Callum, more importantly, loved it too. Spent most of his time either in the Ball Pool or on the bouncy castle.

Development wise, there are a few things to update on.

Don't think I've mentioned this in previous posts but Callum is very able to go up and down stairs now (though I still make sure I am below him on the stairs just in case). He also knows when a step down is too high for him he needs to go down backwards. I really thought this would take a while to teach in the beginning but he seemed to learn it quite quickly. He still goes forwards down the single steps that go to the garden or out the front door but otherwise he turns round first.

This past week we have been teaching him to stand on his own. Yesterday, he kept crawling up to me, standing himself up and then letting go himself. I think the longest stand so far has been about 10 seconds. He has tried a couple of times to stand up himself from crawling. He pushes his knees up so he is on his feet and hands but then can't work out what to do next. Don't think it will be long until he works it out.

Although Callum doesn't say many really recognisable words that other people will understand, he is starting to say things that we recognise. He says "don't" and "ta" (for thank you) now but I also think he tries to say a few other things too (typically can't remember any of them). He tries to say "no poo" when we change his nappy first thing in the morning. I am trying to get him to say "drink" at the moment and I am going to try to get him to say "please" too. Oh and he tries to say "oh dear" too.

Callum can also blow now. He sometimes blows his food to cool it down but typically he doesn't do it when it actually needs it!

He really loves books now. He will often bring me one for him to read or he will point at one.

So, although this stage is tiring, it is still really exciting to see what new thing he is going to do next and to watch the learning process as he accomplishes a new skill.

Looks like I might have a job for 2 days a week for the next 3-6 months. It isn't doing what I want to do, it is an admin type job but it will hopefully pay for me to put Callum in childcare for 3 days with the aim that I will work on setting up my own business on the third day. It is just impossible to concentrate on it when Callum is around. After the second childminder I had lined up informed me that she is giving up childminding, we are now looking at nurseries. We think Callum could benefit, now, from observing and learning from children that are a little further advanced than he is as well as the social aspects of being in a nursery.

I went to see one today. It didn't jump out at me as being a wonderful nursery but then I haven't really got anything to compare it to at this stage. Unfortunately, they have only some days available between now and Christmas then they are full from January so, unless a place becomes available, I would have to move Callum anyway. I'm seeing another one next Monday and I might look at a couple in the town I am going to be working in too.

I am starting to look forward to Christmas with Callum. Last year he was too young to enjoy everything but I'm hoping he will be able to take a bit more in this year - though I can see me stressing about him touching the tree or presents underneath. I am so determined to teach Callum 'no' rather than removing everything I don't want him to touch but wonder whether I have the patience to stop Callum from pulling everything off the tree and opening all the presents we put underneath. We shall see - got a month or so before I need stress over that.

1 year, 1 month, 1 weeks, 2 days

Callum is doing well. Still asserting his authority and independence! But making me laugh and smile on a regular basis too.

His speech is still developing, though I'm a bit concerned that his main 'word' at the moment is "don't" while wagging his finger at me. He does things on purpose that he knows he shouldn't do so when I call his name or say "No" he does the finger wagging saying "don't". I've also taught him to blow kisses :o). He also recognises a dog when he sees one and makes a woof sound (to be honest, it doesn't sound much like a dog and is very similar to his monkey but without the action! But I know it is dog!).

He is really getting into books now. He will bring one to me to read. He particularly likes one he got from Grandma called the Ten Little Chicks. He asks for it all the time. It has a great pop up page at the end. We often read it just before bedtime while he drinks his milk. Talking of bedtime "GO TO SLEEP CALLUM" - he is meant to be napping but I think he is pushing his naptime back. So rather than napping, I can hear him crying out and hitting the side of his cot with his legs. Will try to put him down a bit later tomorrow to see how that goes. Bit of a pain for lunch though....do I give it before his nap or wait until he wakes up???

Not much else to report on Callum.

I'm still trying to find work/set up my own business. Need to focus on the business and start making progress.

Really starting to miss being an independent woman and a person in my own right, not just a mum. Went out for alumni drinks with my old department last night and it was so nice just being me. Conversation still often turned to babies as so many of the people I worked with have now had 1 or 2 babies or are currently pregnant so it was quite an obvious topic of conversation. However, it took me back to a time when I was Debbie and not just Mum (I say 'just mum' and I am by no means downplaying the worth of a mum - I am just (there's that word again) trying to say I feel more like a mum and nothing else when I feel that there should be more to me). Makes me even hungrier to get back to working. I love Callum to pieces but definitely feel like I'm ready to have more in my life now. That's more in my life not relating to children, not more children in my life! Clearing that up before people start getting funny ideas.

On the other side of things, I took a big step to saying goodbye to my old self yesterday. I know, confusing! One minute I say I want to feel like my old self and then I'm saying goodbye to my old self. I mean the skinny (slimmer at least) me! I packed up all the clothes that are 2 sizes too small, don't suit my current body shape (i.e. tops that are too short and show of midriff now but didn't used to) and clothes that were past their sell-by date! Quite depressing and didn't leave me with much at all! However, on the positive side, I did find that I still fit into one skirt and a few pairs of trousers. That's more than I thought I would fit into! Now hoping Christmas presents come in the way of money/vouchers and I can hit the sales to fill the wardrobe up again! Assuming I've been a good girl and Father Christmas thinks I deserve presents, of course.

1 Year, 2 weeks, 1 day

Well, along with turning 1, came tantrums. They seemed to have eased off a bit this week but last week he was a nightmare. In a way, they are quite funny. If he is sitting, he sort of folds himself in half putting his face in between his legs with his nose touching the floor - wonder if he'll still be able to do that when he is older????

The reasons for his tantrums, though, were probably because he was under the weather. Along with teething (which seems to be continuously cycling through various teething symptoms) he appeared to have a sore throat and sniffles. Every time he coughed, he cried out. He was sick a couple of times too in the evening and went completely off his food. Couldn't get him to eat more than about a mouthful of food for about 3 days. Although you know you don't need to worry, everyone tells you that this is normal when they feel ill - babies/toddlers often go completely off their food and prefer to drink more milk - I've even told others this when they have worried! But, when it does happen, you can't stop yourself from worrying. I just kept thinking, he didn't eat anything for breakfast or lunch, he must be hungry by dinner time!!! He first started showing signs of being unwell on the Saturday and his eating was sporadic. Then he hardly ate anything for Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday, I decided to try the fail proof macaroni cheese that never gets refused and, sure enough, he managed to eat some of it. Good old macaroni cheese. He still wasn't eating much on the Thursday but was a little better than the beginning of the week and by Saturday, he was back to normal.

Development wise, he is getting stronger with walking along when you are holding his hands. He is actually picking up his feet to move them forwards now rather than half him dragging them along and half whoever was holding his hands dragging him forward. I would say he confidently cruises around the furniture now. Not so I notice but you will just see that he was standing in one place one minute and the next he is somewhere else.

He loves climbing the stairs and makes a dash for them whenever he has the opportunity. I'm forever either telling him no and bringing him back to the kitchen or slowly (very slowly) following him up the stairs!

He is still into everything other than his own toys!! His favourite game is currently turning the TV on and off! Not funny. Typically, it happens just when an important bit happens and you miss it! He is probably trying to tell me I'm watching too much telly! Other people's toddlers are just learning how to switch the TV on to watch their favourite kids TV programme.

I took Callum for his 1 year check at the baby clinic. All seems fine. They no longer recalculate his age to be 4 weeks younger (due to being premature) so, where he was pretty much following the 50th centile line (average) or just under, he is now around the 25th centile. He is in proportion though. He is on track with everything else. His speach is fine - they need to be saying at least 2 words by the time he is 1, including animal noises. He does an elephant noise and a snake (and also does monkey now) and also says mumma, dadda though not necessarily in context. I'm pretty sure he says other things as well or has his own words for things and I just don't understand them yet. He says kind of "a-deh" for again. They asked questions about his personality, whether he was sociable and showed signs of being confident and independent. All was fine. So, the conclusion is, we seem to be doing something right so far! :o)

The big news with me - as I am not having much luck finding a part-time IT training job, I'm going to start my own business providing IT Training in my local area. I'm going to target the over 50s to begin with but not limit myself to that. I just think there is a market for that age group at the moment. I have a company name now (not telling you yet), I've bought the domain names and I have a meeting with Business Link next week. I've also prepared and distributed an online survey to research training needs for the over 50s age group. Watch this space!

1 YEAR OLD!!!!

Wow! Callum is actually a year today. Well, technically, this time last year he still wasn't born yet.

Actually, this time last year, I was having just as much trouble sleeping (it is currently 5.30am) as I am today :o(. However, for totally different reasons. The moans and groans of the other ladies in the ante-natal room, the snoring and the mild intermittent pains in my lower back (that bit hasn't changed much!!) were keeping me from sleeping this time last year.

Taking it back a bit further, last year and about 6 hours earlier, my waters broke and I was gripped by fear. What was happening? Will my baby be ok? I'm not ready for this baby yet...I was practically prepared - in that we had loads of equipment and clothes, the nursery was ready despite not needing it for the first couple of months, my hospital bag was even packed but mentally, I still wasn't prepared. I still had 3.5 weeks to go. When people said "not long now" I was still saying "there's still a little way to go and that's fine with me - I'm not ready yet!". Callum had other ideas!

So, off to hospital I went and we were told that that in 24 hours time, we should meet our baby.

I really tried to keep back the tears and shock - I was so scared. Stuart was just so excited. It couldn't be more perfect timing for him. He had had enough of waiting too and was ready to meet our baby.

Stuart was sent home and I had my sleepless night in the ante-natal ward. Then they came and got me about 8.30-9am and took me to the delivery suite. By this time, I was just relieved to get out of the ante-natal ward. Stuart arrived shortly after. My mild back contractions weren't progressing fast enough so by 12noon, they induced me. At 5pm ish, they gave me my first, much appreciated, epidural. A couple of epidurals later and after a lot more pain (despite the epidural) Callum was born at 9.48pm on 2 September.

I spent another 3 days in hospital (4.5 days in total). Although being in hospital isn't great, I really appreciated the time so I could get the extra help and support with breastfeeding. They also took care of him for a bit during the night once or twice so I could get a bit of sleep (though never good sleep with the bright lights and everyone else's babies waking me up). I was also grateful for Stuart coming in each day. It made the days go so much quicker. So, by the time it was home time, I was both relieved, eager to get home and a little bit nervous about us now doing this parenthood thing on our own.

The first 6 weeks, which everyone told us would be the hardest, weren't as bad as I was expecting. I coped pretty well with sleep deprivation and Callum slept so much (though not for long stints) that it was easy to go out if we wanted too. It was after that 6 week period that I started to find it hard. The fact that I had to be tied to Callum all the time with less than an hour window if I wanted to go out without Callum. The lack of sleep was getting to me. I had moved into the spare bedroom when Stuart went back to work and I started to feel like I would never get back to our bed. Callum was still waking very regularly through the night. Breastfeeding plus expressing was hard work.

In the first 5 months I had many ups and downs. It was such an emotional roller-coaster. In some ways, I had coped how I expected - comfortably with the previous experience I had gained looking after young babies. In other ways, I was clueless and, like many, learning by the day, or even by the minute.

Around 4.5-5 months, Callum's sleep routine started to get better and by 5.5 months, I felt we had cracked it. Things started to get easier. By 6 months, Callum was becoming a lot more fun and interesting and I think it was around here that we had our first full night's sleep. It might have even been a little bit earlier.

From this point forward, I really started to enjoy parenthood and was more excited about what each day would bring. Callum was developing more each day and I was finally feeling like I was beginning to know what I was doing.

The weaning was more difficult than I was expecting but I don't regret doing BLW for a minute. Seeing how well he eats now compared to many other babies his age.

Now, my baby is becoming a toddler. He is crawling competently, climbing stairs, pulling himself up to standing and taking his first few wobbly steps with a walker.

The key things I have learnt along the way are:

• RELAX - the more you stress and get worked up about stuff the slower things happen. Everything will happen in its own time and you stressing about it wont make it happen any quicker. If you relax, you might just enjoy life and motherhood a lot more. This is probably the most important one. When I started to relax and not worry about things, life got a lot easier.
• Trust your instincts. Everyone says this but when you are getting so much advice from all corners, if you are reading advice from so called 'experts', it can get confusing to know whether what you are doing is right or whether you should be doing something else. Go with your gut feeling - mother really does know best!
• DON'T read too many books or get obsessed with the 'experts'. You will drive yourself crazy wondering why your baby isn't a textbook baby and, like the previous point, no one will know your baby more than you do.
• Similarly, don't compare your baby to others - its boring to hear it but all babies really are different (I can see the yawns and eye rolls already!)
• Its when you stop caring about whether you are a bad parent that you become a bad parent! We beat ourselves up with guilt worrying about whether we are doing the best by our baby - am I a bad mother? Although we shouldn't be hung up on thinking we are bad parents - when we stop caring about whether we are doing the best by our baby, is when we need to worry. By the very fact that we do care, means we are good parents. Not sure that makes sense? The fact I now know that, according to my own advice, does that now make me a bad parent? Hmm, think this one need rewording...maybe when I've had more sleep and am a bit more with it!

Think they are the main lessons. May add more later.

So, right now, I'm waiting for Callum to wake up so I can bring him into his room, give him his milk and he can open all his presents. I know he wont know much about what is going on but I'm quite excited about it. His first Birthday. Then, this afternoon, a couple of his friends will come over and he can play and eat bad food. And I will reflect and stare in amazement at how much and how quickly my baby is changing into a little boy.

I've made a cake. Not sure I'll do that again in a hurry. It was going to go so much better in my head. Will post pictures later.