Monday 12 December 2011

Here we go again! (3 weeks pregnant)

Yes! That’s right! We are doing it all again. So, I’m blogging in secret for the next few months.
Stuart and I had decided to have a couple of months of ‘relaxed trying’ with the intention to get on with the trying properly in March/April next year.
One thing I wanted to avoid was having another baby in September!!!! With Stuart’s Birthday and Callum’s both in September, my nieces too, a lot of our friends have their Birthdays, anniversaries etc in September, it is also when we have previously aimed to take a holiday, it is a crazy month and I dread it every year. So, one thing was clear, I wasn’t doing it again. Because of that, I had worked out that I should avoid training in December or January because that was when Callum was conceived!
So, October was month one and came and went without success, despite noticing many possible symptoms and a day late period!!! I took about 3 tests which all came back negative!
Then it was November. November was a particularly busy month so opportunities for getting jiggy were minimal (MIL – you may want to skip past the finer details bit Embarrassed smile) but we managed once during prime fertility time. After confusing my period dates a couple of times in the previous months thinking I was due a period a week before I actually was, I had decided to track my periods so I could follow them better. I used an online site called which also notifies you when you are most likely to be fertile so I knew we had a chance but it would be our only chance and so a slim chance that we would be successful.
So, by the time we got to my period due date and I hadn’t come on, we took a test. Bearing in mind I was a day late on my last period, I could have waited another day but we were going away for the weekend and wanted to be sensible about drink. After the 3 tests I took last month, I realised this could get very expensive if I found myself doing the same every month of trying – what if it took several months, 6 months, a year!!! So I was advised to purchase some cheapy tests from Amazon. Rather than peeing on a stick these were just a thin strip which you had to catch your pee in a pot and then dip the stick in for 20 seconds. Then wait for 5 minutes. As we waited, sure enough, a faint line started to appear. It was faint but definitely a line. However,  we weren’t 100% confident with these tests and I did still have a ClearBlue test in my drawer so we decided to confirm it with that – it was a digital one that says the words “Pregnant” (or “Not Pregnant”) with the approximation of how many weeks pregnant you are. No need for a second wee as I still had the pot from the previous test so in we dipped and waited for a further 3 minutes. After about 1 up it popped! “Pregnant”!! Then we had to wait for another minute or so for “2-3 weeks” to pop up. So, there it was, no doubting it this time!
Some of you may have done the maths already, my EDD from conception date will be 27 August (from date of first day of previous period it will be 17 August)…yes, that is bloody close to September!!! I think I must have been calculating on the same basis as Callum was born 4 weeks early so this one, of course, will be too!!! Chances are, though, I’ll go full term and probably 2 weeks over, taking me into September and close to both Callum and Stuart’s birthdays!!!! Groan! Oh well, what’s meant to be is meant to be!
How do I feel? In denial! I keep checking my knickers for signs of my period! I feel like I’m a fraud – just because a white stick (or 2) has told me I’m pregnant, does that really mean I am? I don’t ‘feel’ pregnant! I feel like me – I had done a 4 mile run on the morning of the test – I feel like I could still do a 4-6 mile run this week (and am hoping to try!). The only symptom of pregnancy I feel – is the same one I got at this time last year. As soon as I get the 'your pregnant’ cue I start weeing for England! Well, in truth, I’m only a 3 times a day kind of girl so the increase is probably to what most people call normal but to me it seems excessive! Oh, and my boobs have remained fuller/tender as is often the case when I’m expecting my period but they usually go back to normal as soon as my period arrives. So hopefully the boobs I never got (which I have subsequently got from getting fatter) the first time round my arrive this time round!
I had a quick look at my blog when I first started, after finding out I was pregnant with Callum. Its uncanny how similar the thoughts and feelings are to the first time round. However, remember what followed, I will not be wishing for any symptoms to arrive – I remember that feeling of sickness all to well! If I can avoid that I wont be complaining! But my desire to continue to exercise etc is just the same and even the fact that I am unwell is the same! I had a cold then and this time I have a sore throat!
It looks like the symptoms started when I was 6 weeks so I’ll look forward to that (not!). The worrying thing is the tiredness. Apparently, around this time with last pregnancy I would feel exhausted by 4pm then perk up after dinner – sounds pretty similar to how I feel normally when I’m not pregnant, certainly over the past 6 months, so dread to think how I’m going to deal with the tiredness this time!
We told our friends again, the same ones as last time, Dan and Lou because we went there for the weekend and it would have stood out like a sore thumb if I wasn’t drinking (in truth, it wouldn’t as when we told them no one had actually noticed what I was drinking or was paying it any attention), and we also told the other friends that were there for the weekend too. That means, 6 other people already know. We will also be telling our parents on 17 December as they will all be in one place – with us! Again, it would be impossible to get through Christmas without them noticing I wasn’t drinking.
It would be my preference, this time, not to tell anyone but I’m just not the kind of person to invent some massive story or lie to cover up the truth – especially as they would guess I was lying anyway – what’s the point of carrying on with the pretence.
I hate telling people though – I hate the way the focus of attention is all on my (and Stuart of course). I want to shrink away and hide. It is lovely that everyone is excited for us but I just don’t know how to deal with that kind of attention. I was the same when Stuart proposed and when we got married. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. At the weekend,  I wanted to discretely tell them all by text and watch them slowly check their phones one by one and take in the news. He wouldn’t let me though so I had to be brave…and in truth, it wasn’t too bad!
Anyway, this post is turning into an epic novel so I best wrap it up now and no doubt I’ll be back before long moaning and groaning about all the things I hate about being pregnant.
Wish us luck for the next 8 months!

1 comment:

Thank you for reading. Comments are welcomed.