Four Month Sleep Regression

You may have noticed I’ve been rather quiet about Millie recently – that’s because I’ve been in the depths of hell with The Four Monthlies. If you are not familiar with this phenomena it is when your 4 month old decides to start waking up more frequently in the night (so if you were lucky enough that they slept through, they wont be anymore and if they only woke once, they can now wake up to 3 times) and when they do wake they are AWAKE! The professionals call it the Four Month Sleep Regression. Google it and you’ll find parent after parent screaming for help on the various parenting forums.

From what I understand, its a combination of a growth spurt and their brains becoming more active. Also, it is about this time their sleep changes from being like a newborn to being more like an adults. The 4-5am part of the morning is when we have our lightest sleep – its the most common time for insomniacs to suffer too. Which is great when Millie wakes up for a feed, decides to lay awake chatting and then when she does finally go back to sleep, I have insomnia. Sigh!

Many parents will mistake this period for thinking their baby is starving hungry and needs to be weaned. However, if you weather the storm, they will get better and will continue until much later to be satisfied on milk alone without the need for solids.

I remember Callum going through this stage just after Christmas and I had thought it was the upset of routine over Christmas. It was only from going on forums myself that I later learned about the Four Monthlies. It was hell then too but it did get better and a couple of months later he slept through the night 7-7. But at least this time I was i) expecting it; and ii) had faith that it was ‘just a phase’. And, for the record, we didn’t wean Callum until after 6 months and he wasn’t really interested in food until much later.

So, at the start of Millie’s Four Monthlies, we had feeding every 2 hours again through the night – Yawn! She was only drinking 2-3 ounces at a time and then she would puke it all up requiring a complete outfit change (both of us!). If she didn’t puke, the other end exploded in a watery mess and, again, requiring an outfit, grobag & bed covers change! Then just as we were getting over that – well getting towards every 3-4 hours, not quite the 6-8 of when she was teeny tiny – and she started increasing her milk intake again, she started waking for 1-2 hours at a time. Chatting and cooing to herself.

Finally, I’m hoping we are reaching the other side. I hate to jinx it and I’m sure the next ‘phase’ will be along soon to mess it all up again but for the last 2 nights she has gone back to having a 5-6 hour stretch - feeding just as we go to bed then only waking one other time around 3-4am. The night before last, I was still up an hour but she chatted to herself for a bit then went to sleep and was mainly only up for that time because she did a poo & needed her nappy changed (but no outfit change – whoop!). Then last night, she was up for about half hour and as soon as I laid her down, she did struggle to sleep but she was trying rather than just chatting. She also got herself off to sleep without me needing to hold her or anything.

I’m hoping this is the beginning of the end. Just in time for Christmas. If it is, it will probably be my best Christmas present this year – Sleep! (Sorry Stuart!)

Rules on the run up to D-Day - 36 weeks

I am curious, what 'rules' did you set, if any, to anyone, in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

Stuart & I agreed both last time and this time that he would stop drinking alcohol so he would be ok to drive to the hospital. Labour & birth being as unpredictable as it is, you can't really guess when it will happen and therefore know when it is ok to drink and when it isn't. This was proved last time when we decided when Stuart's brother visited that it was unlikely to be that weekend as it was still only 36 weeks that he'd be ok to drink. HAHAHAHA, yeah, needless to say, it all happened that weekend!

This time Stuart originally set an over-ambitious target for not drinking at about 34 weeks. Although he kind of cut down, maybe knocking off one or two drinking night's a week he didn't stick to a completely t-total lifestyle. I would have suggested he stop at 35 weeks and 1 day (being as 35 weeks was when he was best man at his friends wedding). Anyway, I turned 36 weeks today, 3 days before the equivalent time to when my waters broke & Stuart is out drinking (second time to drink alcohol this week). He has an excuse, he always has an excuse but to me it feels like he has his priorities wrong. We already learnt before that babies and bodies don't care if it's the last time you'll see someone again (in a work capacity not a close friend or even just a friend really), they don't care if you had a hard day, they don't care if everyone else is drinking and you don't want to be left out or even if someone twisted your arm. It's a game of chance, last time, we didn't lose as Stuart was unlikely to be over the limit but we certainly didn't risk it and get away with it either.

Don't get me wrong, if Stuart understood moderation, it wouldn't be an issue. I would trust that he'd have one or two pints then walk away or switch to soft drinks. But that's not Stuart, and he doesn't do moderation!

So I'm disappointed! But I do question whether I expect too much! After all, I could go overdue & it could be another 6 weeks before baby arrives. What are the chances of what happened last time happening again? About 5% according to my consultant. Is the odd night here and there really going to hurt?

So, I'm keen to hear your views, what 'rules' did you and your other half have in place, did you both stick to them etc. please share your opinions & stories.

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Who’s That Funny Girl in That Mirror There? 25 Weeks

I’m really not liking my pregnant body at the moment! I know I should and I’m trying to but I look in the mirror, particularly at me naked, and I’m almost repulsed by what I see. That sounds strong I know but its my first and natural reaction.

I’m by no means svelte and I have lots of bumps in places I’d rather not have places – some are down to pregnancy but mostly they are down to my diet and lack of exercise (she says as she shovels another spoonful of Nutella into her gob!) but this isn’t just a vanity thing! I know, with a bit of hard work, I can fix that after baby!

Its that I don’t recognise my own body – its not me.

I don’t mind ‘so much’ when I’m clothed, although I don’t like looking at my bumpy self, but naked….shiver! My tummy looks funny, my bellybutton looks odd…I just look…wrong!

I have no issues at looking at anyone else naked or other naked bumps, in fact, I often think a pregnant naked lady is beautiful – so why don’t I like it on me?

I remember when my feet first started to swell when I was pregnant with Callum. No one else could notice the difference, they weren’t hugely swollen, but I looked down at my feet and they weren’t my feet. I gasped and said “These aren’t my feet – my feet look funny, they don’t look like my own”. Its weird! This is similar – I look at my body and its not my body!

Thankfully, the next day after giving birth, I looked at my feet and the swelling had already gone down and I recognised my feet again – it was then that I knew I wasn’t going mad (too late for that!) as now they looked perfectly fine again – in fact they looked like my feet but skinnier!

I was the same with my pregnant bump last time too, so it shouldn’t be a surprise. I had hoped that when Stuart bought me a photo shoot gift experience for my Birthday at about 6.5-7 months pregnant, that it would help me to change my view on my body and get me used to seeing myself in a different light. I am so pleased I got the photos done and definitely want to have some bump photos taken this time too. I can look at them and appreciate them as photos of a pregnant woman but when I think of them as me I still feel uncomfortable looking at them and don’t recognise them as my body.

There’s no solution to it I suppose – apart from to stop looking at myself in the mirror!

Finding Me Again!

Everyone tells you that being a parent is the hardest job in the world – though often only after its too late and you are up the duff or in the first few weeks of a newborn when you find yourself in a heap on the floor in a mess of snot & tissues trying to remember what it was like to not feel tired – before you decide to have a baby its all, having a baby is such a wonderful experience, you’d love it, having children will complete you…etc etc.

(This is when I ask myself “why am I doing it again?)

But, to be fair, even if they did tell you, you wouldn’t be able to imagine – its tough in ways that can’t be explained and in ways you can never imagine.

For some, its a natural experience – they were ‘born to be mummies/daddies’ and they breeze through parenthood effortlessly producing well turned out, well mannered, well adjusted individuals and share stories and photos of baking, craft work, fun days out that don’t cost a penny but everyone enjoys. Its so hard for us ‘other’ parents who don’t find parenthood such a natural experience to not compare ourselves to them wishing longingly that we were a supermum like them!

For some of us ‘other’ mums, we realise that being a Stay at Home Mum just isn’t for us! But when you come to that realisation that, actually, you’d rather be working than bringing up your children, you question whether you are a failure? Have I failed at the most important job of them all – when so many others can manage it so effortlessly, why have I struggled, why can’t I cope?

Recently, I have realised that I’m not alone! Recently, my twitter timeline has been full of other parents coming to the realisation and confiding in others that, actually, they’re not sure being a SAHM is all they hoped it would be. They are coming to accept that perhaps it is harder work than they ever knew and they need a break…by returning to work (whether it be part or full time – whatever works for them). After all, there are places and people out there that are full of people that ARE trained to look after children all day – they have college years and certificates to show for it so can clearly do a better job than I can and, after all, they ENJOY doing it! That is their job! They chose to do it! OK, so I know I chose to be a parent too but I also chose a career for myself – I also chose my other life which I actually loved very much and never had any intention of giving up!

My friend recently asked me to review an article she had written about being a mum AND maintaining their individual status. It was reading through this article that it dawned on me exactly why I had become so low.

I look at myself now, struggling to drag myself out of bed every morning, scraping my hair back on a Thursday or Friday to take Callum to nursery. I may put on make-up once or twice a week and often when I intend to add a bit of colour to my face to stop me looking tired and drawn, it quickly slips my mind. All my friends are either members of m family or are other mums like me who I only see with their children. I love them to pieces and wouldn’t do without my mummy friends, don’t get me wrong, but occasionally I want to remember who I am aside from being mum. So when it comes to a childfree Thursday when I do not need to clean or study (that’s my joy on a Friday) what do I do? I have no idea! I mope! I’ve no where to go, no one to see who isn’t a mum – no non-mum conversations to have. I’ve no job to go to and no life outside of being a mother. I’ve lost me!

This is not who I wanted to be!

Working gives me the independence I’ve always craved since a 16 year old girl. I moved out of home at 17 because I so desperately craved my independence. Working gives me a life that is my own – not my husband’s, not my son’s, not my family’s – mine! It gives me my own friends. I enjoy being me! I enjoy putting on make-up, wearing a pair of heels and attempting to look good, for me!

Where did all that go?

When I realise who I am now and everything I am not but want to be, the tears start to fall! Its time to admit it, I am NOT a SAHM! Its time I went back to work! Everyone keeps saying, but you’re pregnant now, you may as well wait until after the baby – and then you’ll be raising 2 so you may as well wait a couple of years. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Please! Someone! Tell me this doesn’t have to be the case. I want to work now, pregnant or not! When I’ve had my second child, I want to go back to work! I will look after my newborn baby and will enjoy my time raising him or her for the beginning of his or her life but as soon as I feel ready I want to go back to work! Scrub want…I NEED to go back to work!

I accept it! I’m taking me back! I’m getting my life back! I’m going back to work!

And does that make me a failure? No! I don’t think it does – it makes me a better person for realising what my strengths & weaknesses are and what makes me happy. At the end of the day, we are also always told “Happy Mum, Happy Child” and I know that I can be a better mum, a happier mum and offer Callum & my unborn child a lot more if I go back to work. But this time, I admit, I’m going to try to get the balance right – I’m going to try to do both. I want to work part-time so I can see if I can be a mum and be me!

Time to open a new chapter! Wish me luck!

Erm…..can someone give me a job please…..?

Oh, and going back to the first paragraph, I have to admit, those people who said “having a baby is such a wonderful experience, you’d love it, having children will complete you” were actually right – I may not be good at being a SAHM but I wouldn’t take back having children for the world. You can’t explain the love you feel for your child and the unconditional love they have for you. It is the most wonderful experience I can imagine!

Do you mind if its a girl or a boy?

The question I dread being asked. I am not comfortable with lying so I’m trying not to but feel its easier to explain my answer in written form. My answer is controversial and a big ‘faux pas’ when it comes to answering the many stock pregnancy questions you’ll be asked over the 9 months – its not correct pregnancy etiquette I don’t believe. So, here it is:

Actually, yes, I want a little girl!

Will I be disappointed if it is a boy?

Well, yes I will. I wanted Callum to be a girl and was disappointed when they told me he was a boy even though I knew instinctively he was all the time while I was pregnant.

Yes, of course, I want the ‘as long as he or she is healthy’ option. I’m not going to send the baby back if its a boy, I’m not going to love him any less – I adore Callum and would never be without him. There are many positive reasons for having 2 the same sex – same clothes, same toys, hopefully great friends as well as brothers among others. If this one is a boy I will love it with all my heart – that’s not going to change.

I do also appreciate that I am very lucky to have one child let alone get pregnant with a second child. I’m in awe of our bodies and I am, ultimately, grateful for my gifts. That’s simple – no doubt about it. However, it doesn’t change the fact that if I could go to a shop and pick that my choice would be a girl.

Ever since I was little I have this picture of me with a little girl – being best friends, doing her hair, her confiding in me and trusting me as her mother. Yeah I know – chances of that actually happening are slim. We’ll clash, be at each other’s throats, she’ll say she hates me, steal my make-up…or me hers. But its a dream. We are allowed to dream.

Most women have a dream wedding that they’ve planned ever since they were playing with Barbies. That’s just what little girls…and bigger girls…do. I didn’t have my wedding planned out except for saying all I wanted was a bbq in the back garden. Well I had a bbq over-looking the Mediterranean instead so kinda did get my dream but I didn’t have the dress, bridesmaids, flowers, colour etc all planned out since I was little. That wasn’t/isn’t me.

But I did have a dream of one day having a daughter.

I’m sorry if that makes me evil and a bad human being but I’m afraid that’s how I really feel!

If anyone does ask, I’m telling them – I’ve ordered a little girl. I went to an hour of mediumship at a psychic fayre a while back and was told I would be pregnant very shortly and it would be the opposite to whatever I already had. I’ve asked Callum (and of course he is an all seeing wise one…) and he said its a girl. Stuart asked Callum what he wanted and he said a boy so we asked him again if he thought I was having a boy and he said no, it was a girl. So, all is on track for girl so far.

I tried the dowsing crystal and it didn’t say either way – I wonder if it is still too early so may try again just before 20 week scan when we will be finding out sex this time – assuming baby complies!