8 Month Sleep Regression

How did I forget?

I was lulled in to the false sense of sleep – Millie’s sleep pattern was not perfect but was definitely bearable. Usually having a bottle between 10pm and 11pm and then waking between 6.30am and 7.30am with the very rare occasion of going longer or, even rarer, all night! I was getting a good many hours sleep! I was starting to feel human again.

Then WHAM!

It hit me!

Out of the blue!

The 8 month sleep regression!

I’d forgotten all about it and started to panic that she was on the start of some bad habits! Callum was regularly sleeping through from 6 months from 7-7. We are yet to get a regular routine of this with Millie. I started beating myself up, as us parents regularly do, about being tougher on Callum than on Millie and therefore paying the price!

I decided it was time I took control (having relinquished the control to Millie for most of her 8 month life, being led by her), time I got tough and denied her these silly snacking bottles she had started having in the night! Operation sleep through started last night. She had slept through before I knew she could do it – hell, she could regularly sleep 7 hours straight when she was a few weeks old.

Last night, she went to bed easily, as she usually does, at 7pm then the first grizzle came about 10.30pm. I let her grizzle for a bit then thought I was more likely to get her to sleep until 7am if I was to feed her then so about 11pm I dragged myself out of the slow descent into dreamland and I fed her – she took about 3oz of a 7oz bottle. Groan! She could’ve had more!!!

Then around 3am she grizzles again. Hang on its only 3am, you can do better than that Millie! I got up and tried the dummy! Twice! I stroked her! I shhhh patted her! Several times I made it back to the bedroom and a couple of times actually back into bed…even just starting to get warm again….before she started the grizzle once more. By 4.30am, I couldn’t take any more and gave in. I knew she would sleep as soon as she had the bottle so I gave her the bottle. I expected her to guzzle it up. She didn’t, she had 3.5oz of another 7oz bottle. Rah! But, back to sleep she went with just a couple of soft murmurs.

Then, as I was documenting on Twitter my early morning '#nightfeed updates, I awoke to lots of lovely support and was also reminded about the 8 month sleep regression!

Relief! Its temporary!

I can relax, let her do her thing and wait for her to get over it! I may have to feed her a couple of extra times a night for a week or 2 but stressing wont make it go any quicker and its only temporary. She will start sleeping through again. She will! Will!

*starts rocking staring into the distance as Callum wipes the dribble from my mouth*

ETA: Great article on the 8 Month Sleep Regression

On the verge

In 5 days time, Millie is going to be 6 months old.

She is changing so quickly. Its hard to believe that it wasn’t only yesterday that she was a real babe in arms with her head supported in the cradle position.

Now she is sitting up…although still toppling a little bit. She can sometimes stay sitting up playing for a good 5 minutes unsupported. She loves sitting up too – fighting it if you lay her down or put her in her bouncy chair.

Despite showing early signs in both rolling and sleeping through the night…neither have been regular occurrences. She has still only rolled front to back and only a handful of times. She swings her legs and arches her back so that she nearly rolls over, she looks like a contortionist.

Sleepwise, she ‘usually’ doesn’t need feeding after a dreamfeed at around 10pm but that doesn’t mean she sleeps through. She has taken to waking up around 3am every night. Sometimes just needing a dummy or a cuddle, but more often she struggles to settle back to sleep with the dummy, falls off to sleep with a cuddle but wakes again when placed back in the cot. I eventually end up feeding her but not before I’ve already been awake for an hour and I’m not convinced she is waking for the feed. She cries differently.

We are going to try without the dreamfeed tonight to see what happens. I’m happy to feed her when she wakes but I remember the dreamfeed not working for Callum and I know she has been able to go for long stretches before now without the dreamfeed so it might work. The thing with Millie (and I’m sure many a baby) is that everything seems to work for the first couple of times then her sleep pattern gets all messed up again, whether due to teething, a new development stage, stuffy nose or just because.

Speaking of development stages, her latest trick is the bashing movement. As its new (this week) I’m quite excited by this. She hasn’t got enough strength to be too loud or damaging yet but I imagine as her confidence grows the loudness will come with it.

She is really into faces and wanting to explore them with her hands and she likes playing with my hair…when she is meant to be trying to get back to sleep at 3am!!

She has good hand to mouth co-ordination now which is great in light of starting to wean her next week. I’ve been giving her a spoon to play with at meal times and she loves a good chomp on that. She has a great expression when we’re eating as if to say “OK, so where’s mine?”, looking at the food, looking at me, then looking at the food again. I know this is curiosity and she has no awareness of what ‘eating’ actually is but its a positive sign that she will enjoy exploring this funny food stuff next week. She ‘may’ already have sucked on a banana and an apple core…oops!

You know, I think development phase may actually be the key to her unsettled nights! She is on the verge of so many things – very nearly rolling, just learnt to sit up, about to start weaning, having more control of her arms etc. She is also looking like she is going to change her nap cycle too as her first nap of the day can just be 10 minutes sometimes.

I think there are exciting times just around the corner…and may be even a little bit of sleep!

Hoping!

Four Month Sleep Regression

You may have noticed I’ve been rather quiet about Millie recently – that’s because I’ve been in the depths of hell with The Four Monthlies. If you are not familiar with this phenomena it is when your 4 month old decides to start waking up more frequently in the night (so if you were lucky enough that they slept through, they wont be anymore and if they only woke once, they can now wake up to 3 times) and when they do wake they are AWAKE! The professionals call it the Four Month Sleep Regression. Google it and you’ll find parent after parent screaming for help on the various parenting forums.

From what I understand, its a combination of a growth spurt and their brains becoming more active. Also, it is about this time their sleep changes from being like a newborn to being more like an adults. The 4-5am part of the morning is when we have our lightest sleep – its the most common time for insomniacs to suffer too. Which is great when Millie wakes up for a feed, decides to lay awake chatting and then when she does finally go back to sleep, I have insomnia. Sigh!

Many parents will mistake this period for thinking their baby is starving hungry and needs to be weaned. However, if you weather the storm, they will get better and will continue until much later to be satisfied on milk alone without the need for solids.

I remember Callum going through this stage just after Christmas and I had thought it was the upset of routine over Christmas. It was only from going on forums myself that I later learned about the Four Monthlies. It was hell then too but it did get better and a couple of months later he slept through the night 7-7. But at least this time I was i) expecting it; and ii) had faith that it was ‘just a phase’. And, for the record, we didn’t wean Callum until after 6 months and he wasn’t really interested in food until much later.

So, at the start of Millie’s Four Monthlies, we had feeding every 2 hours again through the night – Yawn! She was only drinking 2-3 ounces at a time and then she would puke it all up requiring a complete outfit change (both of us!). If she didn’t puke, the other end exploded in a watery mess and, again, requiring an outfit, grobag & bed covers change! Then just as we were getting over that – well getting towards every 3-4 hours, not quite the 6-8 of when she was teeny tiny – and she started increasing her milk intake again, she started waking for 1-2 hours at a time. Chatting and cooing to herself.

Finally, I’m hoping we are reaching the other side. I hate to jinx it and I’m sure the next ‘phase’ will be along soon to mess it all up again but for the last 2 nights she has gone back to having a 5-6 hour stretch - feeding just as we go to bed then only waking one other time around 3-4am. The night before last, I was still up an hour but she chatted to herself for a bit then went to sleep and was mainly only up for that time because she did a poo & needed her nappy changed (but no outfit change – whoop!). Then last night, she was up for about half hour and as soon as I laid her down, she did struggle to sleep but she was trying rather than just chatting. She also got herself off to sleep without me needing to hold her or anything.

I’m hoping this is the beginning of the end. Just in time for Christmas. If it is, it will probably be my best Christmas present this year – Sleep! (Sorry Stuart!)

A Follow-up to Why?: ‘What’s it called?’

In a follow-up to my last post all about the ‘Why? phase’, there is another question that Callum is regularly asking. Thankfully, not as irritating as ‘why?’ but can require a degree of thought before answering.

He has realised that something can have multiple names. Such as a ‘flower’ could be called a ‘rose’ which could then be called ‘Autumn Sunset’. Or that I’m a lady (arguably, I know) and my name is ‘Mummy’ to Callum but I’m also known as ‘Debbie’ to others.

So we now have questions of “what’s that car called?” – oh good, a fairly easy one (assuming I know); or ‘what’s this fork called?’ – hmmmm!

Although, it can be difficult trying to explain why sometimes a fork is just called a fork (my answer: “it hasn’t got another name, its just called a fork!”; Callum: “Why?” – aaaaaahhhhhhh!), I don’t mind these questions as they make me think a little.

I think the reason why the ‘why?’ questions frustrate me so much is because I naturally give a reason when I answer. For example: “Why aren’t we walking Mummy?” “because we have to drive as it is too far to walk”, “Why?”. Then I’m trying to think up reasons for my reasons. Headache alert!

These questions make me stop and think, does it have another name? Is the name we more commonly know it by, its ‘other’ name and it also has an ‘object’ name? I’ve often said, something doesn’t have another name and then corrected myself a minute later. I find these nicely challenging and my answer is usually accepted and the conversation moves on rather than being stuck in an eternal cycle of whys!

I can see where he is coming from in asking them and think its quite interesting. For now, anyway!

Why, oh why, oh why?

I apologise for being so smug! It was never my intention to come across as smug but looking back I guess I was a little. I thought I was so clever! I thought by using my training experience, I had successfully outwitted my child and therefore avoided the much feared ‘Why? Phase’.

Oh how I was wrong! A little later than expected but it is definitely upon us in all its frustrating rahness! (its a word! its my word!).

About a year ago, Callum moved from ‘what are you doing?’ to the occasional ‘why?’ & I rather cleverly, so I thought, would turn the question back on him and get him to suggest the answer first. It actually seemed to work too! He would usually know the answer or would be happy to suggest something and then I would be happy to correct or lead him to the right answer.

As fast as they arrived, the why questions appeared to stop except once in a while where it was appropriate.

I know that it is all about learning and we should encourage the questions and feed their brains with knowledge. But the questions are just utterly infuriating, as I am sure many of you that have been through this yourselves already know.

“Why is it raining?”

“Why is it a 5p?”

“Why is it dinner time?”

“Why is that tree there”

and its non-stop. It doesn’t end with one question it becomes a continuous barrage of why questions, one after the other getting increasingly more complicated to answer or even just pointless! I have actually told Callum he isn’t allowed to ask pointless questions – don’t ask me what a pointless question is, I couldn’t tell you, I just know it when I hear it.

I tried the technique I mentioned above again but there are just too many questions you can’t actually do this to.

Stuart was confident in the beginning that he was going to embrace the ‘Why? Phase’ and take on the challenge to come up with an answer to every question.

However, we have both found ourselves saying why back as our answer to Callum to which he replies in a whine “no, I said whyyyyyyyyy”.

Please let this phase be short! I can feel myself gaining a new grey hair for every ‘Why?’.

12 Weeks: Time for reflection

12 weeks is the new 6 weeks! I finally feel things are coming together and ‘normalising’ some what. We are surviving and, what’s more, it feels less like ‘survival’ and more like ‘coping’.

Its so hard when a newborn comes along to see past the suffocating fog that surrounds you. You can’t see any way out or any end to it, it just bogs you down.

It has been easier the second time round because at least you know that it does get better, allowing you to just have faith that it will. Even still, its difficult not to doubt that there will ever be an end. You hear stories about other people’s second children – they are either so much easier than their first or the first was an angel and their second a nightmare! I found myself asking, which would Millie be? Was Callum a good or a bad sleeper? I thought he was pretty average – not awful but not great either.

In truth, a lot of what Millie does or the phases she has gone through have been similar to Callum but I am a lot more relaxed this time. I know it is ‘normal’ and that the less I stress about it, the quicker the phase will pass, and it does! Because of my relaxed attitude she does seem to go through these phases quicker than Callum. For sleep issues, I know that she’ll eventually just ‘get it’ and all I can do is provide her with some kind of routine but be flexible enough to know that things change and I will have to change with them.

For the moment (and it is always ‘for the moment’ – see point above), Millie is napping in her cot without too much fuss getting her to sleep (there was lots of rocking and him waking as soon as he touched the bed) – not for longer than 45 minutes to an hour but I’m not worried about that yet, she’ll work it out. Millie is going longer through the night again AND is also in her own room in her cot. Millie is happy. She is putting on weight. She is, as everyone comments, very alert (cos the world needs Lerts!), strong and developing daily. She’s happy, I’m happy – that’s all that matters.

That said, she has been a bit out of sorts today after her 2nd lot of jabs yesterday so I’m prepared for it all to change again tonight.

Of course, there are bad days – when the tiredness really sets in, I feel I can’t cope. I look around at the mess and I panic that I’ll never get round to catching up with the washing or manage to grab any kind of lunch anytime soon. People tell you it isn’t important but you can’t understand that – the fog sets in again. But then the next day, all will be right with the world again, and I know, even when that bad day is happening, that it is only because I am tired – tomorrow will be better.

The hardest bit for me now, is convincing others that I’m happy with how things are progressing and trying not to let them influence me and start worrying over nothing because, of course, everyone has an opinion and thinks that the way they did it was better and they never had the problems you’re having! I now just go along with it, smile and think, they’ll see soon enough!

Stepping Up to His New Role of Big Brother

It is natural for any mum to worry about how their first child(ren) will adapt to a new sibling. Its not just your life that changes, their life will change beyond all recognition, life wont only be just about them now there will be a new attention stealer in town! It was one of the reasons we wanted to wait until Callum was 4 before introducing a new family member. At 4 a sibling is less likely to get jealous and they can understand more, help and get involved.

I was still expecting some kind of rebellion, and I still am. I feel myself saying “no because of Millie” in relation to a number of different scenarios and so I feel its only a matter of time when Callum has enough of this noisy, dull infiltrator taking up so much of his Mummy’s time!

There was a time in the first week Callum was being whingey and clingy to Stuart and I was worried but he was feeling under the weather so I can put it down to that.

Mostly, so far, he has just taken it all in his stride and is adapting wonderfully. Not only is he accepting of his new little sister, he has taken on the ‘Big Boy’ mantle. He is becoming more and more independent, wanting to do little tasks on his own. He is cleaning his own teeth, feeding himself, often getting his own breakfast, being helpful to me around the house such as helping me with the dishwasher and fetching dirty washing for me. He is being a little star and his reward chart is rapidly filling up – we had best start thinking of a reward as it wont be long before he gets to a full sheet at this rate.

These are all things we were struggling with getting him to do up until really recently so it is a real relief that he is keen to please at the moment. I say at the moment as these things often go in phases and he occasionally drops back to being a monkey after a exceptionally good spell so I’m sure there will be a moment in the future when he is testing my patience again but right now, when I really need him to be, he is being the best Big Brother and Son I could ask for.

Daddy is The Man!

Its all about Daddy at the moment! Callum cries for Daddy when he isn’t there, asks regularly if Daddy is coming now? Is Daddy going to be there? Is Daddy home etc?

An over-hungry tantrum the other day concluded with a 10 minute continuous dialogue of “I want Daaaaddeeeeee”

When Daddy is around, he can’t get a minute’s piece. Callum is glued to him and wants to go wherever he goes and wont let me do anything…not even cuddle him

Not that I ‘mind’ as such in a jealous way! Of course, I would like the odd cuddle now and again but there are benefits – Daddy has to take him to the toilet, get him dressed, give him his breakfast, pick him up, etc. Although it can be inconvenient – it is often a lot easier if Callum would just let me do things occasionally, especially when Stuart is busy doing something else. Not to mention it must be quite exhausting for Stuart sometimes.

But I know how these things work and, after 3.5 years, I’ve learnt that it swings both ways (it I said not he! far too early for that!). One month it will be all about Daddy then the next month it swings back to me and I can do no wrong, am the only one that can kiss his knee better, put him to bed etc.

But then, since finding out I’m having a girl, the little girl I’ve always dreamed of, everyone keeps telling me that girls are “Daddies’ girls you know”. Looks like, if Callum keeps this current Daddy phase up, I may become redundant. So, a nice holiday somewhere hot sounds nice…who needs a Mummy anyway?

Repeat after me..”It’s just a phase”

Oh dear, I’m going through another I love you but I don’t like you phase with Callum at the moment.

He is behaving like a very spoilt child where every sentence starts with “I want….” and then follows with a whining “I don’t want….” when he gets it (after I make him ask for it nicely “May I have…”, I don’t respond to the I want behaviour).

I then feel like we spend the whole time at each other’s throats, which is exhausting, so will try to plan something nice to do together. I hold my hands up here and say I’m not finding it easy going out at the moment. I am not a good winter person and if the sun isn’t shining, I prefer to hibernate, but I know Callum needs stimulation and often needs more than what can be offered from staying inside – especially as he was poorly last week so we were forced to spend a few days cooped up inside.

So, today, taking advantage of the sun shining and despite the cold whether, I took him to the Aviation Museum at Bournemouth Airport. He actually woke up in a really good mood this morning too so I was looking forward to the trip.

We have a nice enough time in there and he wants a helicopter from the shop so I get him one.

We pop in to see my Dad who works in the grounds and within minutes he has broken the helicopter – he now no longer likes it. When we say goodbye and get in the car he starts to get ‘difficult’ he sees the helicopter which I’ve put down on the seat for a minute while I plug him in (which he doesn’t want to happen) and shouts “No, I don’t want the helicopter, I don’t want it” while trying to get to it when I know he will throw it.

We get home and I try to make lunch and he starts demanding again:

“I want it cold” while grabbing the bread.

“I don’t want butter on it”

“I want it hot”

“I don’t want a sandwich” repeated about 30 times increasing in volume and aggression each time he says it.

“I don’t want cheese, I want ham” (me – “we don’t have any ham, we only have cheese”)

“I want a ham sandwich, I want ham, I don’t want cheese”

He then starts to hit and kick at me.

I carry him up to his bedroom for time out! The stair is getting less effective these days!

Now I know behaviour deteriorates when he is hungry and I factor this in but it is rarely in this spoilt way and this is just one example from over the last few days. There have been plenty of times when he has been like this when I know he isn’t hungry. He woke up screaming and demanding yesterday – not the most enjoyable sound at 6.45am!!!

He keeps also misbehaving for attention. Or uses going to the toilet as an attention tool.He is more than capable of going to the toilet on his own, does all the time at nursery and sometimes does at home but he makes us go with him all the time and wants us to pull down his trousers and pants then pull them up again. I refuse to do it! It is probably our own fault for this happening because, when time is an issue, we’ve done it to speed things up so have clearly built a rod for our own back but he’s got to start doing it himself! He is and has always been lazy. Once he can do something himself, he loses interest and will try anything he can to not do it and get us to do it for him. The only way through it is to be tough.

He has to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him and he can’t be so demanding. Especially when he gets a baby brother or sister and I wont be able to dedicate so much time running around after him – he will get quite a shock to the system!!

I know it is just a phase at the moment. He goes through these phases then a week or two later he is back to being his loveable self again – I only have to read back through this blog to know this much. Its just so miserable at the time when you are going through it!

I’ve vowed to whip out the reward chart when we move (I’d do it now but can’t find where I’ve put the pad!) to cover the following:

• Going to the toilet on his own
• Washing his hands after the toilet
• Cleaning his teeth
• Eating his dinner himself (all that BLW down the drain!)
• and general good behaviour

All things we are going to need to tackle to encourage him to be more independent!

I feel guilty (when does a parent not feel guilty?) because his behaviour is probably our own doing in a lot of the cases! When things are good, I imagine we get a bit lax with things and then when they go down hill, we get angry at Callum when I should probably be looking at myself.

Oh the joys of parenting!

Reading that back, it sounds like I’m being really hard on him and maybe expecting too much but its all stuff I know he can do and has done and he doesn’t behave like this all the time, he just goes through periods so maybe that’s why I’m expecting so much.

Sigh, I hate writing posts like this, I end up feeling like such a bad parent that rather than be my therapy I wonder if it just makes me feel worse…