12 Weeks: Time for reflection

12 weeks is the new 6 weeks! I finally feel things are coming together and ‘normalising’ some what. We are surviving and, what’s more, it feels less like ‘survival’ and more like ‘coping’.

Its so hard when a newborn comes along to see past the suffocating fog that surrounds you. You can’t see any way out or any end to it, it just bogs you down.

It has been easier the second time round because at least you know that it does get better, allowing you to just have faith that it will. Even still, its difficult not to doubt that there will ever be an end. You hear stories about other people’s second children – they are either so much easier than their first or the first was an angel and their second a nightmare! I found myself asking, which would Millie be? Was Callum a good or a bad sleeper? I thought he was pretty average – not awful but not great either.

In truth, a lot of what Millie does or the phases she has gone through have been similar to Callum but I am a lot more relaxed this time. I know it is ‘normal’ and that the less I stress about it, the quicker the phase will pass, and it does! Because of my relaxed attitude she does seem to go through these phases quicker than Callum. For sleep issues, I know that she’ll eventually just ‘get it’ and all I can do is provide her with some kind of routine but be flexible enough to know that things change and I will have to change with them.

For the moment (and it is always ‘for the moment’ – see point above), Millie is napping in her cot without too much fuss getting her to sleep (there was lots of rocking and him waking as soon as he touched the bed) – not for longer than 45 minutes to an hour but I’m not worried about that yet, she’ll work it out. Millie is going longer through the night again AND is also in her own room in her cot. Millie is happy. She is putting on weight. She is, as everyone comments, very alert (cos the world needs Lerts!), strong and developing daily. She’s happy, I’m happy – that’s all that matters.

That said, she has been a bit out of sorts today after her 2nd lot of jabs yesterday so I’m prepared for it all to change again tonight.

Of course, there are bad days – when the tiredness really sets in, I feel I can’t cope. I look around at the mess and I panic that I’ll never get round to catching up with the washing or manage to grab any kind of lunch anytime soon. People tell you it isn’t important but you can’t understand that – the fog sets in again. But then the next day, all will be right with the world again, and I know, even when that bad day is happening, that it is only because I am tired – tomorrow will be better.

The hardest bit for me now, is convincing others that I’m happy with how things are progressing and trying not to let them influence me and start worrying over nothing because, of course, everyone has an opinion and thinks that the way they did it was better and they never had the problems you’re having! I now just go along with it, smile and think, they’ll see soon enough!

A Mother, A Friend, A Teacher

Having given birth to child number 2 in August, I’ve recently been giving some thought about the type of parent I want to be and what messages and lessons I want to pass on to my children. What do I want my children to say when they are asked to describe their mother? Do I think I am fitting the description of the parent I want to be?

Honest & Trust

So the type of parent I want to be is an honest mother that is open about my own life and experiences so I can encourage them to be open with me and maybe learn from some of my mistakes though I know they will also need to make their own. I want them to trust me but I know I must earn their trust. I want to be the person they turn to when they are sad or are in trouble. My sister said something recently which I think is often difficult to do as a parent but I think it is important we try. Its about playing the long game.

She said her eldest son trusts her with his mobile phone (he is 13) whereas he wouldn’t trust anyone else. She said he is very insular, an introvert, so it has been tempting to go through his phone to find out what is going on in his life, especially if she knows he is unhappy about something but she has refrained as she wanted him to be able to trust her. If he has taken the step and confided in her she has kept her promise not to tell anyone else so he therefore trusts her. She says she can see him battling with himself whether to tell her something but then will take the courage to open up to her. I want this type of relationship with my own children. I also believe this means being honest yourself. How can they trust you if you lie to them! This is hard as a parent as you don’t want them to mistreat that trust before they know what it means. For example, I want to be able to tell them things that I may not necessarily want them to tell other people or my own parents. But sometimes I may have to take a chance, a leap of faith, to ensure I earn their trust.

Fun & Friends

I want to be a mum that they can have a laugh with. I want to be their friend but also someone they respect and listen to when I teach them wrong from right! I don’t want to be a walkover. Nor do I want to be someone who is always cross at them causing them to remember me as always telling them off. Sometimes I look at myself and how I am with my son, who’s 4, and I feel like ‘Angry Mum’ and worry we don’t laugh enough. I want to be silly and sometimes that may mean I’m ‘Embarrassing Mum’ but perhaps he will forgive me that and laugh with me – as will his sister too when she grows up. This is the one in particular I think I’m failing at and I really want to try harder with. I put on the War of the Worlds the other day and Callum and I were dancing around the kitchen. It was such a lovely moment and I want more! I want him to have more of these moments too!

Respect & Consider

I have tried to live my life under the rule ‘treat others as you wish to be treated’. Sometimes I think I do this too much and I get upset that not everyone lives by the same rule. Stuart says I have high expectations of myself and therefore high expectations of others. However, I’m not perfect, I sometimes judge people or say something which I wouldn’t like someone to say to me but then I like to think I admit when I am wrong and I berate myself for doing so. I hope I learn a lesson and try harder not to repeat it in future. I am quite introspective and am forever analysing myself and my actions. I would like to install the same morals in my children. I don’t want them to be weak (and I do sometimes consider myself as weak) but I do want them to treat others with respect and to be ‘the better man’ in altercations. That others may not treat you how you wish to be treated but that shouldn’t mean you drop to their level – two wrongs don’t make a right. I want them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes to try to understand their actions so that they are better able to respond to them in an appropriate manner.

Believe & Achieve

I want my children to take opportunities. To believe that if they want something enough and work at it hard, they can be whatever they want to be, do whatever they want to do (be it legal and not at the expense and hurt of others). It makes me cross when Callum says “I can’t” to stuff which i) I know he can and/or ii) he hasn’t tried to do. I wish I knew how to encourage him to be otherwise. I try to praise him for trying things and sometimes that works but if he is being lazy there is nothing I can do to persuade him.

I just hope, as both Callum and Millie grow up, I can live by example and hope that some of what I do and teach rubs off on them and they can grow up into people they are proud of themselves and that I can be a parent they can look upon fondly, love, respect and think of as a friend as well as a mother.

I would love to hear what lessons you would like to teach your children and how you would like to be thought of as they grow up. Please do share with me by leaving a comment.

A bit of a selfish control freak!

Since having Millie, I’m starting to realise I’m really quite selfish and a bit of a control freak! Well, I always knew both but it appears I’m even worse than I thought or hoped!

After weeks of suffering from a very sore nipple, I wrote a post the other week about slowly beginning to stop and move to formula (Its for the breast). Everyone was very supportive and empathetic with their comments about how well I had done and I had given my daughter the best start, which I did really appreciate, but it wasn’t the fact I was concerned for my daughter about moving from the ‘golden wonder juice’ to the ‘evil fat inducing, disease harbouring’ (not my beliefs but how it is often portrayed) formula. I knew my daughter would be fine, my son survived very well since he was 4 weeks on a completely formula diet until weaning and then cow’s milk at 2ish and there’s not an ounce of fat on him! No, my concern was for myself! I felt like a failure for not being able to get my daughter to feed correctly so that I wasn’t sore and hurting and therefore not getting to experience pain free, convenient feeding!

As it turned out, my nipple finally healed, now, at nearly 9 weeks of breastfeeding! I did replace one feed – the bedtime one – with formula but when I got to a week, when I said I would start replacing one of the other feeds with formula every couple of days, I realised that finally my nipple was healing so I continued as I was, with just the one change in formula. Everything was going well.

BUT!

But then everything changed again!

Earlier this week (already feels like a lifetime ago) Stuart and I (and Millie) went to Torquay for a couple of nights while Callum enjoyed a stay with his grandparents. Millie decided to start refusing the boob. Or would take it and then, confused by the flow, would get stroppy with it and then refuse any more! But had no trouble taking her bottle! At 2 in the morning, this was not much fun!

I worried my milk was drying up. I blamed it on the glass of wine I had that night! Perhaps I was getting too stressed when feeding in public. But, truthfully, I think she preferred the bottle! It was easy, no need to work at it! The breastmilk flow was different and she didn’t know what to do with it anymore and swallowed a lot of air. Problem being, we were staying in a guesthouse style hotel with just a couple of bottles, limited milk powder and a pot of milton sterilised water! I didn’t have the supplies, a microwave, a proper steriliser, a pot of formula – certainly not at 2am! Then the next day in the restaurant for our lunch, she started fussing again and I started getting all self-conscious so I thought I would try when we got back to the car before we left to drive home. Still not interested! I started fretting. Stuart kindly ran to Boots (twice) to get some readymade formula and a sterilised bottle. He got back with the readymade formula but no bottle. Then I remembered I still had a bottle in the milton solution. Millie happily, hungrily drank the ready made formula (well some then a load more when we made a fuel stop). Was it time to admit defeat! Millie was choosing the bottle over me. I couldn’t remember the last time my boobs let down. Was it all over for the boob!

But this was what I originally planned so why was I upset?

It wasn’t my decision this time! It was out of my control! I wanted to decide when I switched from breast to formula not Millie, my boobs or some other force!

By the time I got to my parents to pick Callum up, Millie was hungry again, we had no sterilised bottle ready and I was determined to get her to accept my breast. I tried feeding her in the lounge but the same story – she started breastfeeding then again refused. I decided to go upstairs, out of everyone’s view, in the calm and darkness of a bedroom on our own. She still wasn’t interested so I decided to get tough! I tricked her! I tempted her with a dummy and when she went to suck I pushed her onto my breast. She would feed for a bit then realise and complain so I would do the same again until she finally accepted (she wasn’t happy to just have the dummy, she was definitely hungry).

I then did the same in the night and the next morning until she accepted the breast again.

I made the decision that I had to go back to fully breastfeeding now that my nipple was better and remove the confusion or the chance for her to reject me (no one likes to be rejected!). I was finally getting to the point where I could breastfeed without pain and be able to ‘enjoy’ the convenience, I wasn’t going to give it up yet!

Now she is happily feeding off me again without any trouble. We briefly went to feeding every 3 hours in the night for one night which she has hardly done during the night since she was born, previously going 6-8 hours at night. However, last night she went 5 hours so heading back in he right direction again.

So now, being away from the emotion of it all, thinking logically once again, I wonder whether I should’ve just let her do her thing. She was weaning naturally, I should’ve put my pride aside. *Slaps forehead*

I’m now back to the worry about how my Mum is going to feed her when I do my driver awareness course (naughty girl – speeding – another story!) – there will likely be 2 feeds across the 3 hour course and the time it takes me to get there and back. I guess I’m going to have to express – and she will have to use a bottle to feed! Hopefully, she will just accept it and it wont interfere with breast for this time.

Also, I’m pretty sure I will want to start moving from breast to bottle in a month but will have to start from scratch.

But it will be my choice to do so, when I’m ready. I will spend the next month making sure I have the right bottles and teats etc and I’ll be prepared! Well, that’s the plan but surely it will all change again in a weeks time!

It's only natural!

Breast feeding - such a natural thing, providing for your baby the way nature intended! After all, that's what your boobs are there for. It shouldn't hurt! If it does, the latch is wrong!

BOLLOCKS!

Excuse my language but if this is the case why on earth didn't Mother Nature make the first week after your baby is born 'easy', foolproof in fact, and PAINLESS! It's not meant to hurt they say! You're telling me a mini Hoover clamped on to your nipple isn't meant to hurt? If you are a man, or a woman who hasn't had children or not breast fed for whatever reason, next time you are near a newborn (one you know, I'm not saying a random baby you happen to walk past in the street - that could get you in to a world of trouble) stick your (clean) little finger in their mouth and imagine that your finger was your nipple then tell me that wouldn't hurt!

There is some truth though in that fable - that if it hurts the latch isn't right. After the initial first week, your nipples should acclimatise to the mini blood sucker (& I mean that literally) and shouldnt hurt but by this stage your lovely little leech has had a week's practice of latching incorrectly so the damage has already been done! Your nipple is cracked, red raw, contains open sores! Plus, they say if you know a latch is bad or it hurts, put your little finger in the corner of their mouth and break the latch. Yeah, right! No easy feat in itself! And when they do come away, shouting at your boob in complaint, they pull on your poor tender nipple! OUCH! Then, as if to punish you more they claw at your poor unfortunate nipple with their tiny weeny yet razor sharp nails.

So, "how is the feeding going?" you ask...

I've a nipple with a smiley mouth that shouldn't be there - and believe me it isn't a happy nipple. I've squeezed, sorry 'compressed' my boob until it feels bruised, I've had my nipples pulled & tugged this way and that, every time Millie latches on my right, used to be flat, nipple I have to endure toe curling pain (even once you fix the latch the damage done to your nipple takes time to repair and this still hurts until it does), I'm on my second tube of lansinoh (a little tube of magic) and at £10 a pop I've hardly been using it generously!

So why am I continuing? Bloody mindedness! Last time I managed 4 weeks and was just getting into swing of things as I stopped so I wanted to make it further to the point where it did feel second nature and I could really experience the benefits of breast feeding. Especially since this time I had conquered the first challenge, with the help of nipple shields (meleda), of getting Millie to feed off both sides, unlike Callum, and, yes, I can see myself getting there finally at 3 weeks. My left side is now comfortable with feeding and I think my right side is at last starting to heal! I hope so, I could just be getting used to the pain now (which is still toe curling & often makes me cry out) that it doesn't feel so bad!

One things for sure, I'm pleased this is our last baby as I doubt I would go through it again.

I'm not even the type of person to look down at my feeding baby and feel warmed by the sight and enjoy the bonding and closeness it provides. Sorry, that's not just me.

But rather than focus on the negatives, I need to look at how far I've come!

• I've survived over 3 weeks now already
• I'm no longer 'scared' to use my left side and no longer need lansinoh on that nipple
• I am no longer using the nipple shields at all and haven't been doing so for a week now
• I've only used formula top ups twice (60ml & 60ml respectively)

I do admit though that I am pleased that I've been able to pass on my antibodies and I am certainly enjoying my weight and waistline decreasing at a steady rate not to mention the cost benefits, not having to sterilise and not having to go down and warm a bottle in the early hours, trying to get the temperature right while your baby screams for food.

I'm sorry for anyone who reads this that hasn't breast fed before and is hoping to, it's not said to put you off and it is just my experience. Yours may be very different and I truly hope you are one of the lucky ones that takes to it like duck to water.

But here's my advice:

• Have lansinoh at the ready. It is expensive but it will be your saviour! You can buy it cheaper from amazon than on the high street. In the event that you don't need it or you don't use it all, it is fantastic on sore bottoms too (as in nappy rash). Warm between fingers to make more spreadable then put on bottom before bed. By morning the redness will have reduced! My poor boy's bottom was red raw & bleeding once & this along with drapoline succeeded where all others (there had been many) had failed!
• Do use nipple shields if you have flat or inverted nipples and/or really sore cracked nipples, they really made a difference to me at the start. They say that you shouldn't use them in the first 6 weeks but the lovely breast advisor lady said they had their place & shouldn't affect your supply if you use them correctly. She also advised ensuring you compressed your breast towards the end to make sure your boob was drained to avoid getting mastitis.
• To follow on from the last tip, don't rely on the nipple shields. If you don't 'need' to use them then don't and try to get off them as soon as you can as babies often use a different suck/latch for the shields to your nipple - more similar to that of a bottle teat - so this could affect the latch when you go without the shield and cause you unnecessary damage (as what happened to me).
• Contact your breast feeding support person straight away, even if you think you are doing ok as it is great just to get the reassurance that you are doing well plus they can still give you good tips (stuff I wouldn't have known if I didn't contact mine). You've also made contact which means, if later you do experience difficulty, it won't be so scary asking for help.

Please do share your own advice if you have anything to add.

 

Posted with Blogsy

Stepping Up to His New Role of Big Brother

It is natural for any mum to worry about how their first child(ren) will adapt to a new sibling. Its not just your life that changes, their life will change beyond all recognition, life wont only be just about them now there will be a new attention stealer in town! It was one of the reasons we wanted to wait until Callum was 4 before introducing a new family member. At 4 a sibling is less likely to get jealous and they can understand more, help and get involved.

I was still expecting some kind of rebellion, and I still am. I feel myself saying “no because of Millie” in relation to a number of different scenarios and so I feel its only a matter of time when Callum has enough of this noisy, dull infiltrator taking up so much of his Mummy’s time!

There was a time in the first week Callum was being whingey and clingy to Stuart and I was worried but he was feeling under the weather so I can put it down to that.

Mostly, so far, he has just taken it all in his stride and is adapting wonderfully. Not only is he accepting of his new little sister, he has taken on the ‘Big Boy’ mantle. He is becoming more and more independent, wanting to do little tasks on his own. He is cleaning his own teeth, feeding himself, often getting his own breakfast, being helpful to me around the house such as helping me with the dishwasher and fetching dirty washing for me. He is being a little star and his reward chart is rapidly filling up – we had best start thinking of a reward as it wont be long before he gets to a full sheet at this rate.

These are all things we were struggling with getting him to do up until really recently so it is a real relief that he is keen to please at the moment. I say at the moment as these things often go in phases and he occasionally drops back to being a monkey after a exceptionally good spell so I’m sure there will be a moment in the future when he is testing my patience again but right now, when I really need him to be, he is being the best Big Brother and Son I could ask for.

Waiting For the Pot to Boil: 40 weeks, 4 days

OK, now I’m in danger of getting fed up! Its funny how something takes over in your head. If I think about it, I’ve no real need to be fed up. I’m still shit scared of the actual event and its hard to pinpoint when my mentality changed from not being in a hurry and not being ‘ready’ to being more than ready and then getting to a point where I no longer think about what is going to happen and just want to get on with it!

I think part of it is other people’s impatience and everyone making you think you ‘should’ feel fed up – they say “don’t worry, it wont be long” or “you must be getting really fed up now” so you start to think you should be. Plus the “not long to go now” phrase kind of makes you get your hopes up that its imminent…then 2 more weeks pass without anything! I don’t mind people asking, after all, I get excited about other people and have asked many a friend at the end of their pregnancy the same questions they have asked me. I’m sure I have even uttered the words “not long now” too. I know they are just excited for me and that’s great, so if you are reading this, please don’t stop asking.

What also contributes are the false starts. About 3 times, I’ve geared myself up to think “this is it” – after each of the sweeps (of which I’ve had 2) I’ve felt awful. My hips and body ache and it makes me feel miserable, I’ve felt lucky to get to bedtime but fully expect to be woken in the night in the throes of labour. This then means I spend the whole night in a half sleep where every twinge makes me stir thinking this is it then nothing, every ‘dribble’ down below I think my waters are breaking but no. I then wake the next day feel absolutely normal again and it makes me feel like it was a wasted opportunity. That it should’ve happened but now I’ve ‘missed my chance’.

Finally, I’m concerned about this baby being born too close to Callum’s birthday, 2 September. I’m worried our children are going to hate us for the continuous joint birthday parties. But after talking this through with my Dad, why am I worried? Does this really matter? Perhaps it will be better. They aren’t going to be sharing presents as they’ll be 4 years apart in age and ones a boy and the other a girl! Maybe I need to get over this fear. It may mean Callum might not get much of a birthday this year but this shouldn’t matter for the future really!

Because of this, I’ve decided to change my way of thinking. My new ‘Due Date is my Induction Date – 29 August. I’ll not ‘expect’ her to arrive before then but if she does, then great, at least I know I’m mentally ready! And perhaps I’ll stop sitting around just waiting for it to happen – I’m sure its much more likely to happen if I’m distracted and not thinking about it. After all, remember the great adage “A watched pot never boils!”

Happy Due Date

So I have made it to my Due Date – something I’ve been curious about for the past 8.5 months and I must admit its a bit anti-climatic! Everything feels just the same!

I had another hospital appointment today (and one on Monday just gone) and as my BP is thankfully behaving itself, they are happy to leave it to my Community Midwife to do another sweep and book in my induction when I have my next appointment on Friday (17th August).

I was kind of hoping they’d book it in today as it would be nice to know it wasn’t too far away but I know, if baby isn’t ready, the whole induction experience is less likely to be effective anyway so best give baby a chance to come when she is ready.

I used my dowsing crystal the other day to try to predict when baby will arrive. It has predicted 18 August which would make a lot of sense if the MW does another sweep on the 17th and this one works. I’d be happy with that. For one, it is convenient as it is a weekend, he he, but also she would only be 3 days overdue so not too much waiting around (or too big ) and there are still a couple of weeks before Callum’s Birthday. That is my main concern about going too long after today is that baby will be born only a few days before Callum’s birthday. Its going to be hard not doing joint birthdays as it is but I imagine it will be inevitable if they are only a few days apart! Plus it would also be near the bank holiday – there would be both plus and minus points for a bank holiday birthday.

I’ve no more signs that baby’s arrival is imminent, just the usual regular braxton hicks, so for the time being it is just continue to wait and see.

I’m not fed up as such or taking any desperate steps to try to get baby out yet – just the odd bit of bouncing on the ball…and the fact that nearly every dinner is spicy is purely just coincidental (ahem) but I am starting to fantasise what it will be like to bend in the middle again!

Rules on the run up to D-Day - 36 weeks

I am curious, what 'rules' did you set, if any, to anyone, in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

Stuart & I agreed both last time and this time that he would stop drinking alcohol so he would be ok to drive to the hospital. Labour & birth being as unpredictable as it is, you can't really guess when it will happen and therefore know when it is ok to drink and when it isn't. This was proved last time when we decided when Stuart's brother visited that it was unlikely to be that weekend as it was still only 36 weeks that he'd be ok to drink. HAHAHAHA, yeah, needless to say, it all happened that weekend!

This time Stuart originally set an over-ambitious target for not drinking at about 34 weeks. Although he kind of cut down, maybe knocking off one or two drinking night's a week he didn't stick to a completely t-total lifestyle. I would have suggested he stop at 35 weeks and 1 day (being as 35 weeks was when he was best man at his friends wedding). Anyway, I turned 36 weeks today, 3 days before the equivalent time to when my waters broke & Stuart is out drinking (second time to drink alcohol this week). He has an excuse, he always has an excuse but to me it feels like he has his priorities wrong. We already learnt before that babies and bodies don't care if it's the last time you'll see someone again (in a work capacity not a close friend or even just a friend really), they don't care if you had a hard day, they don't care if everyone else is drinking and you don't want to be left out or even if someone twisted your arm. It's a game of chance, last time, we didn't lose as Stuart was unlikely to be over the limit but we certainly didn't risk it and get away with it either.

Don't get me wrong, if Stuart understood moderation, it wouldn't be an issue. I would trust that he'd have one or two pints then walk away or switch to soft drinks. But that's not Stuart, and he doesn't do moderation!

So I'm disappointed! But I do question whether I expect too much! After all, I could go overdue & it could be another 6 weeks before baby arrives. What are the chances of what happened last time happening again? About 5% according to my consultant. Is the odd night here and there really going to hurt?

So, I'm keen to hear your views, what 'rules' did you and your other half have in place, did you both stick to them etc. please share your opinions & stories.

Posted with Blogsy

Current pregnancy ramblings - 32 weeks, 5 days

As the weeks get closer to D-day (due day/delivery day), I'm getting increasingly nervous I'm going to have another early baby. Callum wasn't 'that' early, he was just short of term, and all signs this pregnancy say I'm going to go full term. I'll most likely be joining the pregnant, overdue & fed-up club and end up being induced 14 days late! But there are also many similarities between this pregnancy and my last and what if this one comes earlier than the last?

I'm nervous that I am working up until 2.5 weeks before due date (1 week after the time Callum was born) and even if the baby is only a few days early, that doesn't give me much time to rest before baby number 2 comes. I'm really starting to get tired now so it does concern me that I might need some rest time.

Every little twinge or tightening makes me think 'please not now, not yet'. I've packed a lot of my hospital bag now but still have a lot to sort out for it. I'm starting to think of practical things like carrying my notes with me wherever I go and even the car seat!

I have the first of 2 extra scans on Thursday so hopefully the results of that will help me relax a bit more but I guess it's no real surprise I'm dreaming lots at the moment and often having nightmares.

I keep telling myself to chill & on the surface I am but I must acknowledge that this is how I am feeling inside!

Full Term Baby Here We Come! 24 Weeks, 5 Days

Because of my history of high blood pressure with Callum, the Midwife hadbooked me an extra appointment than is normal for a second pregnancy.

She called the other week to say she could no longer make the appointment and recommended I make the appointment with the Dr instead for BP and Urine check. This I did and the appointment was Wednesday just gone!

It was good news – whoop, whoop! My BP was 124/78 which I think is the best it’s been for ages – years probably! In addition, there were no signs of either protein or sugars in my Urine! I didn’t have evidence of protein last time but I was worried about the sugars – the amount of chocolate and sweet stuff I’ve been eating recently, I was fully expecting this to be high so good stuff!

This really does feel me with confidence that I will go full term with this baby!

There are chances, of course (there are always chances) that this one could come just as early or earlier and, as the Dr reminded me, its not for certain that my high BP led to my waters breaking early – and I really didn’t do myself any favours that day after my hike around London, two meals of spicy food and a short jog (as much as an 8 month pregnant lady can jog) from the car to the Chinese, it really wasn’t surprising – but it could’ve been a factor and anything that points away from this is reassuring to me. The biggest fear, of course, is baby coming even earlier!

All this being said, you bet your life if 15 August arrives without baby making an appearance, I’m booking a trip to London to hike around half the city with a spicy pizza for lunch and a spicy Chinese for dinner (whether I puke it up or not!!!) – although I wouldn’t want a premature baby if I can help it, there were advantages in Callum’s case of only being just shy of the 37 weeks (he was born about 36+4 – which they class as 4 weeks prem), he was a good weight (5lb 15oz) both in terms of delivery for me and healthy for him, apart from a spot of jaundice and low blood sugars, he didn’t have any health risks or need any special care.

So the advantages were:

• His size! It was painful enough squeezing this little one out…I do not want to experience much bigger!! Also, I do believe his size was why I didn’t tear.
• I never got to that stage where I felt bored, frustrated and over with it all in terms of the pregnancy. When I hear others talk about those last few weeks of pregnancy, I’m always relieved I didn’t have to experience it – especially going over due and having the constant phonecalls of “I hadn’t heard from you for 8 hours are you OK, is it happening now?”. In contrast, when people asked me how long to go they’d often pipe up with “ooh, not long now” and I’d be panicked and say I wasn’t ready yet. I wasn’t ready (mentally – physically, I’d been ready for weeks with my hospital bag packed, nursery decorated etc!) and didn’t want the last few weeks to go quicker than I was ready for!
• I’m pretty sure the first few weeks were easier for us because all Callum did was sleep all the time. Everyone says the first 6 weeks are the hardest – I wondered what they were all going on about. Then 6 weeks hit. Just as everyone else said things get harder, I was a mess!

So, as soon as I reach term – bring on the pineapple, long walks, spicy curries, sex, acupuncture, reflexology, evening primrose, raspberry leaf tea, nipple stimulation, caster oil – this baby will be coming out!

For anyone who hasn’t already read my birth story and has a few hours to kill, you can find it here.

All things Pregnancy, 23 Weeks, 5 Days

Just a general pregnancy update from me.

It took a while into the second trimester but I’ve been feeling really well and much more like the normal me recently. So much so that I often get a little shock when I catch a glance of myself in the mirror or lay down in bed at night to see a protruding bump!

Then someone asked me how I was feeling on Saturday morning so I said, truthfully, that I was feeling good and would be happy if I could stay feeling like this for the remainder of the pregnancy. Why did I say that? I clearly jinxed myself! By the end of the day I felt like I’d morphed into an old woman. It started lunchtime – I’d gone in my friend’s' car (we had our two friends and their children visiting for the night) to show her where the supermarket & pharmacy were. When we got back and I went to get out the car I got a shooting pain through my pelvis like I was all out of line. I couldn’t put any weight on my right leg without crying out in pain! I could hardly walk for a bit. Then every time I went to stand after sitting down for a while I could hardly stand straight and felt all stiff. By the end of the day I felt like I’d been doing a vigorous exercise class and it was the morning after!

I guess I need to take that as my warning to slow down! I’d spent 1.5 days spring cleaning that week and perhaps these aches and pains were a result of that!

I guess my pelvis is starting to move about now too – although I thought any significant moves would be later along in the pg in the third trimester! I guess not!

I have a few things on my mind at the moment relating to delivery. First one being the hospital we go to. I’m not feeling the confidence with Poole Hospital. If they’d allow tours or for me to see the labour ward, perhaps I’d feel a bit different but considering I wont ever even see the hospital until its time to give birth as my appointments are all held at Bournemouth Hospital (a lovely hospital but only a MW-led unit so no drugs!!! – of the type I’d be after anyway!), I’m really not liking what I’m hearing from other people about the place. I’ve heard it resembling a bunker on more than one occasion.

The other thing I’m not happy about in going there is that they don’t offer mobile epidurals. I really don’t want to be restricted to lying on my back for the duration of labour and have the joy of being fitted with a catheter which, from what I understand, means you are more likely to spend longer in hospital. I had a mobile epidural with Callum but, although I was pretty restricted to the bed because of being hooked up to bp monitors etc,, and although the top ups failed, I was able to wiggle around and go to the toilet if I wanted. I’d still rather have a mobile epidural where the top ups don’t work rather than a full on epidural that glues me to the bed unable to move.

Going by my last birth plan, I’m sure after saying all this, that will be exactly what happens despite my best intentions – I get glued to a bed on my back with a catheter – as labours and births are so unpredictable and so often does not go according to plan but the best I can do is make efforts in the right direction to getting the plan I want.

I did think that Poole or Bournemouth were my only options. However, I’ve since heard I could go to Salisbury!

So, I’m going to contact Salisbury hospital to discuss what options there are and, if they offer a tour, I’m going to take a look.

Salisbury is further away to travel than Poole – 30 mins opposed to 15-20 but its worth looking into!

I guess another thing that must be on my mind according to my dream last night is breastfeeding and getting baby to latch on…to both breasts!

Last time, Callum and I took until the last night/day in hospital (C was born on Tuesday & we left on Friday) until we both finally got it and we never really got the hang of my right boob as I have a slightly inverted/flat nipple! But I must remember i) it was my first time breastfeeding a baby; ii) Callum was early and it is common for early babies to struggle with latching on at first; and iii) I was too self-conscious to ask for help,. This time I’ll have the advantage of having done it before, I’m more determined to ask for help if I need it and go to support groups and, all things being well, this one might have a better chance of getting it from the off…! We wont know until we get there.

But there have been things I’ve learnt, from my own experience and that of others which I’m going to try. The support groups being one of them but also, to start using Linsinoh right from the start (it was my saviour last time when I discovered it and, a little secret for those that don’t know, its fantastic at protecting sore little bums at night with bad nappy rash!!!) and I will try Medela nipple shields on recommendation from a friend who also didn’t take to breastfeeding immediately and tried several brands.

Whoever said breastfeeding is natural is lying! I hate that saying as it makes you think that its easy and both your baby and your body will know instantly what to do without any assistance – often it is not that easy and requires patience, persistence and a high pain threshold to cope with the needle sharp pains in your nipples!!!

Which might make you wonder why I am bothering to try again – I know, it surprised me but I do think I stopped last time just as I was getting into the flow of it (pardon the pun) and, if I do manage to get this baby feeding off both boobs then I think it will be worth the effort and initial pain (that does get better) in the beginning!

Positives I did learn from last time were that I’m not going to wait for 6 weeks until my flow is established before expressing and bottle feeding – I do believe Callum never had a problem switching to bottle because he had both breast & bottle from the start. This is also what I understand from other people’s experiences too and those that solely breastfed (from breast) and didn’t use a bottle at all until much later often had a much more difficult transition period – some babies never mastering a bottle! I want Stuart to share in the feeding so I can have a break from time to time!

Finally, to end on a high, Stuart finally felt the baby move last night – woohooooooo! Kicks and wiggles are in full swing as I am typing now! I think I am calling her Wiggles or Wiggly while she is in the womb as that seems to be what comes to mind when I talk about her.