Shhhh, don't tell Mummy I can talk

Callum seems to be talking in secret at the moment. I've been worried that, although he is saying words, he didn't seem to be saying very many and what he does say isn't particularly clear to anyone other than us. As always, it is hard not to compare to other children his age who say some really good, solid, clear words. I raised it with nursery and asked whether he should be saying more and speaking clearer and they weren't concerned. Then today they said they caught him speaking more in secret when you think you can't hear. Sneaky bugger!

But I think they are right. Sometimes, he catches me off guard and says a really clear word and, because it is out of the blue or a new word (or both) you think you must have imagined it.

He did a lovely little song in the car today too. I couldn't understand any of the words but it was in tune perfectly to ging gang gooley gooley gooley ging gang goo, ging gang goo (is that how the song goes - remember my friend singing it at Brownies but wasn't a Brownie myself). When I acknowledged it he went stum!

New not so clear words are:

Truck - dwuck

All gone - gall go

Thank you - dan du

Grrr, and another one that he said tonight that I can't for the life of me remember. Rubbish!

A funny thing tonight - he was watching In the Night Garden and the Tombliboos (for anyone who knows what the hell I am talking about) kept nodding their heads and he was copying. Nothing new there. Then he saw Lotté washing herself which looked like she was nodding her heard, so he started nodding again but noticed she was getting her chin right down to what was effectively her chest to wash that part of her fur and he was trying to copy her. Very cute!

Another thing us alcoholic parents have taught him is how to say 'cheers' and clink his cup - think Stuart can take blame I mean credit for that :o) but probably shouldn't be doing it with beer in his cup.....only joking, its with his milk cup....with milk in it!!!

He understands loads now. He had tipped his puzzle pieces of one jigsaw out on the floor on one side of the sofa and then bought the empty tray round to me. It is one of those ones with shapes cut out of it. I would say to him "go and get the truck" and off he would go, pick up that piece and bring it back, fitting it in the appropriate whole. He was very good at it so definitely understands the words. He is starting to notice the picture on a puzzle now, if it is a full picture puzzle and in books is pointing at things for me to say what they are. I think we'll get there.

All this said, he is still very private with his talking and has to feel completely comfortable in his environment before he talks. He chatters all the time at home (whether it is actual words or gibberish) but hardly says a thing when anyone other than Stuart or I are around. I feel like people must think I am making it up when I tell them what he can say as they never hear proof of it!

Oh yes, nearly forgot. Callum does lovely closed mouth kisses now and will give you a kiss without you even asking. He'll come past you, grab your face with both hands and give you a little closed mouth kiss on the mouth - awwwwww! I love those moments :o)

21 Months

Every day is completely different to the last at the moment. One day is good, another could be hard work.

Callum is so fiercely independent but he also gets so frustrated when he can't make me understand - and likewise, I get frustrated when he doesn't understand.

His speech is coming along but at a slow rate and his words aren't clear. Sometimes, I can understand what he is trying to say, but it doesn't sound much like the word and I'm not sure anyone else would understand. For example, I think he says "lolo" for "all gone". I had thought he was trying to say "Hello" but then realised he mainly says it when something is empty or he doesn't want anymore of something. He does also say it when reading his bath book as the Octopus waves hello, so who knows.

I still find it so hard to know how to discipline him. I know I should be consistent but I am also trying to do different things to see what works. I try hard not to get angry at him but then I end up feeling like he is getting away with murder and it is not how I want to raise him, which then makes me cross. I keep telling myself, it will be easier when we can communicate with one another and I can explain and reason, but then worry it will be too late and I will have started bad habits.

Gah! I know this is how so many other mums feel but I so wished there was a step by step manual!

I am also worried a bit about his behaviour at nursery as he has started hitting. I know it is mainly out of frustration from not being able to communicate but it isn't something I want to encourage obviously. I hope it is just another 'phase' and one he grows out of quickly.

Its not all hard work though, there are good days. He can be so lovely. Especially when he gives you kisses.

We all had a lovely day swimming the other day. We went to the leisure centre in Guildford. The swimming pool is great with lots of big slides, wave machines, fountains. Callum loved it. There was this little slide that he would climb up himself and go down. Then he just decided to go down head first into the water - it was only shallow but still a face full of water. He loved it. Stuart and I also took him on one of the big slides too, on our laps.

I also took him to a farm the other weekend. He loved feeding the sheep. It was so cute. He kept trying to feed them with one pellet squished between his fingers but would then get scared. Then I showed him how to open his hand and feed them and he loved it. We also went on a tractor trailor ride which he wasn't that bothered about - and to be honest, nor was I! Been on one tractor trailor ride, been on them all! We did see lots of animals and he was going on really big slides on his own. I'd definitely take him again.

Anyway, early start for me tomorrow. So off to bedski with me!

20 Months - 3 InTENTsive nights

Oops, been a little while since I've updated this. Must not let it slip now I'm working.

Well, we are just back from our first proper camping trip with Callum - tent and everything, none of this cheating caravan lark like we did last time! Oh, how I missed the caravan! It was Bank Holiday weekend and I had booked a weekend away as a surprise for Stuart and Callum (and me of course). I had wanted to go to Camber Sands as I have a great memory of going there when I was a kid - lots of sand dunes! However, there is only one campsite there that accepts tents and that was full so we went just up the road to New Romney.

I really liked the campsite. It wasn't amazing but it had the key benefits - free hot showers and nice toilets, a bar which sold food, entertainment and an indoor heated swimming pool.

We got there between 7 and 7.30 with an already grumpy Callum in tow - tired and fed up of being in a car. We tried to put up the tent as quickly as possible but imagine it was way past 8pm once done. I got started on cooking dinner while Stuart tried to get Callum to sleep. It took me an hour too cook a 20 minute meal and Callum was still awake at the end of it. We (well I as Stuart didn't know where we were going) had hoped that Callum would be ok co-sleeping in between us on the mattress. Unsurprisingly, with everything being exciting and new, Callum wasn't interested in sleeping. He did eventually go off near 10pm. Stuart and I hurried our dinner down and then with nothing better to do we went to bed too. I tried to curl around Callum on my side but there really wasn't much room for the three of us. Soon after going to bed, Callum woke up and then didn't want to go back to sleep. He hated being on the bed, hated the sleeping bag cover. Sometime in the early hours, he eventually fell asleep laying next to the bed with his head on the mattress. But then the rain kept me awake! I woke up feeling very tired and like I'd done a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson!

Callum woke grumpy but cheered up with some chocolate buttons (after his coco pops) and a swim in the pool. We had a fish and chip lunch in Dymchurch and then went to Camber Sands in the afternoon - I was determined to go there. There was the occasional sunny spell but it was very cold and windy but hey! We went over a sand dune and splashed in the waves. Couldn't quite believe there were children swimming in the sea.

We decided on a different tactic for this night. We went to the clubhouse bar to eat dinner, taking Callum in his PJs. After dinner, we let him have a bit of a run round with the other children and then near his bedtime we put him into his grobag and gave him his milk. We then put him lying down in his pushchair, covered him with a blanket (like we did in Cornwall last year) and then walked up the road to the nearby pub. He slept while we were out and then we just transfered him into bed. This time we had made a makeshift bed out of blankets for him (we had tried unsuccessfully to find a camping shop to buy him a mat or single mattress). He had a really good night's sleep, only waking once to climb into our bed, just to climb back out again. However, I was kept awake by the rain.

The next day we woke to a very very wet day. Undeterred, we headed to the Hythe - Dymchurch - New Romney - Dungeness Railway - the world's smallest public railway with steam trains going up and down. We braved the rain throughout the day to go up from Hythe to Dungeness stopping briefly to look at the model railway museum at New Romney. We went up the lighthouse at Dungenness and jumped in lots of big puddles as well as getting rained on lots.

I was in much need of a nice hot shower by the time we got back to our very wet tent.

We went for a lovely meal at the pub we had been for a drink in the night before with a still very grumpy and difficult Callum. Though, in fairness, he hadn't had much sleep during either of the last two days. We then went back to the pub on the campsite for Callum to have a bit of a runaround again and his milk. Unfortunately, Callum nose dived off a chair and whacked his tooth and cut his lip open on a table -queue lots of tears and blood and it was too painful for him to drink his milk. We eventually calpoled him up and eventually he calmed down and managed to drink some of his milk through a straw. We then settled him again in his grobag and in the pushchair where he went to sleep super quick and we relaxed in the pub. He woke when we walked back to the tent but we snuggled him in bed with us and he quickly went back to sleep again. He woke a couple of times but not too bad. The wind mainly kept me awake.

On the Monday, we pretty much got up to a sunny but very cold day, packed up the tent with a still grumpy Callum.

When we got home, I think none of us could have been more pleased than Callum to get back to his toys and a nice warm and dry environment.

So, after that epic, what else is new.

Everything is 'look' with Callum - his main word. Though has said teeth and cheese and others a bit more now.

What I really love at the moment is his singing. He sings all the time. Especially, Wind the Bobbin up and Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. Its just so adorable.

He loves being outside and putting shoes on - even if they are two left shoes of Stuart's!

He is fab at walking now and is even working up to a run though not quite there yet.

He really likes puzzles and is really quite good at them too. Which means he is good at putting train tracks together.

He is also pretty good at climbing now. He climbs onto the nursing chair next to his cot, up onto the arm and then swings his leg over the top of his cot. He does then get stuck there with a leg either side (ouch!) but it is frightening that he is able to do it!

As for me - the work/housework/life balance is still keeping me on my toes but the good news is we have found a cleaner who is starting next week. I can't wait!

Nearly 19 months old

20 March 2010 - Callum finally walks!!!

Incredible, it finally happened. Callum decided to do more than just a few steps and walked back and forth up and down the kitchen for ages. ..and then took it further and started to walk around the house.....and then....he started kicking a ball - all in one day!! So proud of my little man. He has continued to do lots more walking too. It was starting to feel like we would never get there. Unfortunately, the video is too big for me to upload to here so if you can access my Facebook, check it out from there.

Now for something completely different...

Callum is now settling in to nursery really well. In the beginning, he was getting a little bullied by the other children as they used to steel his toys or pick on him and he wouldn't do anything about it but apparently he is now starting to be a bit more assertive. He still isn't quite himself but is coming out a little bit more each time. He is more quiet at nursery than he is at home but they saying a real cheeky side is starting to come out. They didn't believe me at first when I told them he could be cheeky but they are starting to believe it now. Apparently, he waits until they have packed up the puzzles and then tips them all on the floor. He also throws blocks from the stroller through the bars of the stairgate they have at the entrance to the room. But he only has to smile and he is forgiven.

They have had confirmed cases of chicken pox at nursery this week and we thought Callum was coming down with it too. He got a really high temperature on Friday at nursery and has been a bit under the weather and fighting a high temperature Saturday too. But today seems much better and there are no signs of any spots so looks like a false alarm. Obviously, not out of the woods yet as there is quite a long incubation period for chicken pox (as you may remember from a post I did last year when I was on chicken pox watch for a few weeks) but looks like it will be work and nursery as usual on Monday - phew! I'm worried about taking more time off work to look after him as I haven't earned any more holiday yet (I have to earn 2 days every month I work) and so would probably need to take it as unpaid leave. Also, we really want to go on holiday later in the year and I am worried I will need the days I do earn to look after Callum and then wont be able to go on holiday.

Although Callum isn't saying many clear words, you can see he is really trying to say them. He studies my lips when I say something and you can see him mouthing the word too and then he tries to say it. He has said cheese and teeth before but doesn't say them regularly.

We took Callum swimming again the other weekend. He loves it and is so confident in the water still. He stood up and jumped in from the side once and did lots of sitting down and 'jumping' into the pool (not sure how you can jump when you are sitting down). He was also getting out of the pool and back in again on his own and he was blowing bubbles. His head went under the water so many times and he just thought it was funny. We tried to not to rush to pull him up so he can learn to do it himself so was under there for a few seconds but still didn't mind...or drown! He still can't right himself but I'm just pleased it doesn't phase him.

I'm very excited that we are going to try to go on holiday abroad this year. I can't wait to take Callum on his first sunny holiday out of the UK. It has been long overdue for me too. Got to wait until September though. At least it is something to look forward too. I can picture us all playing in the pool or in the sea. Its going to be great!

18 Months

Wow! Two days ago, my little boy was 18 months old! And a little boy he seems to be now rather than a baby!

What a week. This is what was meant to happen:

Saturday - pick Stuart up from Airport as he is home from India

Monday - start my new job and Callum starts full time nursery

Friday - Stuart and Callum have day off and take me to airport. I go to Edinburgh

This is what happened:

Saturday - picked Stuart up from airport as home from India (all good so far)

Sunday - Callum suffering with his cold but we decide to take him to softplay in the morning in the hope it cheers him up. And it seems to. Then in the afternoon - blurgh! He is sick.

Monday - I go to my first day at work and Stuart has to take day off to look after Callum

Tuesday - as above

Wednesday - take Callum to nursery as Stuart has meetings and I am still on my first week. Get call from nursery and I have to go and collect Callum as feeling very sorry for himself. Continues to be sick.

Thursday - I take day off work as Callum is still sick - go to Dr and the poor sausage is riddled with viruses. Cough virus and tummy virus and virus is also making his eyes sticky. To top it all off both today (Thursday) and yesterday he has been teething too!

Friday - will hopefully go as planned as it hasn't happened yet (is tomorrow in case you couldn't work it out). I'm sad that I will have to go away and leave him when he is unwell :o(

It was always going to be an emotional week but feel like someone wanted to really test me!

I feel guilty and feel that I've not been able to make the best impression at work taking time off for looking after Callum in my first week. They have been really understanding but doesn't stop me feeling bad.

I also have huge mummy guilt for taking Callum into nursery before he was ready so we could go to work. Feel quite selfish.

So, Callum still hasn't had his full week at nursery - in fact he had less than 1/2 a day this week.

And I haven't had a full week at work yet.

On the plus side with work, I think I'm going to like it and feel like I am already fitting in well with the team. I'm sure the usual insecurities will pop up at some point but at the moment I am feeling positive about it all.

While at the doctors earlier, I asked briefly about Callum's walking and whether we needed to be concerned if he was making efforts to walk or because his left foot is slightly turned out. She wasn't concerned and says that it often happens but tends to all sort itself out in time.

Sorry, jumping back and forth with subjects but just watching Callum. The change in him over the course of the last 11 hours is quite amazing! He started the day really weak and moaning almost constantly. Picked up when he had his milk but as he threw it up halfway through, at the end and then after a second watered down bottle, went quickly back to weak and moany. Felt very sorry for himself at the doctors. He had a couple of sleeps on the sofa and on me. Then he was beside himself with teeth pain for a couple of hours. Now, after eating a slice of toast and marmite, is crawling around, laughing at himself making silly noises, wanting to do a puzzle. I hope he stays like this and this is him nearly recovered! I am apprehensive about it being the case though as this is a similar pattern to yesterday.

Right - super stinky nappy to change. Had the worst one I probably had to deal with since he was born earlier! Straight in the shower with him! They are none to pleasant right now!

False alarm, thankfully - just a smelly trumpet!

17.5 months

Don't even ask about the walking! I'm bored of my own typing on this matter - just know, nothing much has changed.

That aside, we seem to have entered the other side of the weeks from hell! And, even better than that, I dropped Callum at nursery today and there were NO tears. Woohoo! Apparently, he was really happy and lovely all day. Even giving the carers kisses. I'm so pleased. I hope it stays like that. He was a little bit stroppy when I got him home but in a spoilt kind of way. Like when he doesn't get what he wants. I can live with that though.

I think the bad weeks were caused from a combination of being ill and teething. I think he is getting his back molars from what I can feel. They are not through yet so imagine the bad times might not be gone for good but am just enjoying the good times why they last.

Callum has been experimenting with a few more sounds recently but hard to know if we have any new words as such. I often think he says 'pretty' and I think he was trying to say 'light' tonight.

I have finally got my work start date. I start work on 1 March. So, full time from then! Full time mum to full time work, full time mum, to full time work. Posts should get interesting from then I imagine!

17 Months - I've completely lost track or weeks etc!

I am knackered! We are having a few sleep and tantrum issues at the moment - thankfully not at the same time but could be related.

Firstly, we are having huge tantrums which appear to be for no reason. He may not want me to change his nappy so this is where it will begin and it will escalate into full on throwing himself on the floor and around the room, crying and screaming. He will start pointing out to the kitchen and will point at something (normally the biscuit tin) and if I try to offer him something else, he will cry and scream more - even when I do offer him the biscuit (not a habit I want to get into by the way - tantrum = biscuit) he will refuse it and cry and scream more and point to something else. If I offer him water he wont take it. I have tried to ignore him and I have tried to distract him. Eventually, he does calm down and he will then accept some water and food (non-biscuit related but something like toast). I still have no idea what really caused it and how it escalated so much. I have tried to give him calpol in case something is hurting but that turns into a fight itself and he gets quite aggressive hitting the spoon out of my hand. There have been 3 or 4 of these over the last week!

In addition to these tantrums we have sleeping issues. It used to be, when we gave Callum his bedtime bottle, he'd be happy to finish it in our arms calmly watching his music/light thing. Then, when he had finished, he would hand back his bottle then we would put him in his cot and after a little moan he would go to sleep. Now, he wants to sit up and play with his music/light thing and is very awake (though yawning and clearly tired). We eventually get him to finish his milk and put him in his cot but now he talks for about an hour (sometimes longer) before he eventually goes to sleep. Then, again, 3 or so times in the last week he has woken up between 4 and 5am and wont go back to sleep. He will sleep in my arms but as soon as I transfer him into his cot he wakes up again and stands up. I have tried not getting him out of the cot and trying to settle him with stroking his head, which will normally work, but now he just lays there wide awake and cries as soon as you stop with no sign of going off to sleep. I hate doing it but to get any chance of sleep at all, I end up taking him in the spare room. I still don't get a hell of a lot of sleep as he will usually chat or play for a while. I am also frozen when I'm in there and usually, when he finally does go to sleep, I get stuck in an awkward position. However, at least I get to lay down and doze at the very least!

Now, both of these things are supposed to be very typical of his age and development stage. Apparently, when a toddler learns to walk, his brain starts to get very active thinking about his new skill. They also get very frustrated around this age, with their limitations - both in actions and communications. So, I know it is very likely just a phase and will be over in a couple of weeks - with any luck! But in the meantime, it is killing me! Stuart is worried about when I start work if he is still waking up. At the moment, I can only think for the here and now and will cross that bridge when I get to it. He may be over it by then.

Mum said that once he is walking around properly, he will tire himself out therefore sleep better - I hope so.

On the walking front, as you may have guessed, he still isn't fully walking. However, today he was in the middle of the room, stood up and walked to me without any coaxing or anything. I nearly didn't even notice him do it. This has got to be a big step in the right direction and, hopefully, full on walking is just days away. I feel like I am a stuck record with this at the moment!

Callum had his swine flu jab last week. He was having one of his grumpy days in the morning and I wasn't particularly looking forward to it but, apart from getting upset at the time of the jab, he turned into a really happy boy! It was like whatever had upset him before wasn't as bad as the jab so he was counting his blessings and being happy! Other than that, no other side effects. Not even a sore arm, from what I can tell.

He did have the sniffles before and they did seem to get worse after but don't think this is related. He has a cough at the moment which isn't helping with the waking in the night. I think this is probably what disturbs him and then his mind kicks into gear and he can't sleep.

We are worrying about me going back to work with there being a chance of Callum waking in the night a couple of times a week when I heard a radio debate, prompted by a woman who said she went back to her job as Headteacher 7 hours after giving birth. I think she was mainly going in to show off her new baby but she did get straight back into work - taking her baby with her. I seriously don't know how she does it. She must have one of those rare babies that sleeps through from day one and just fits into mummies life. Fair play to her but not something I would want to do or even think I was capable of. That time was all about us all getting to know each other. It was important to me for Stuart to take paternity leave so there is no way I wouldn't take some time for maternity leave. Apparently, it is law that you must take 2 weeks leave after the birth of your baby otherwise the company faces paying a fine. Not sure of the full details of that though and maybe this woman got round it by not properly working for 2 weeks or something. She was headteacher in a boarding school so I imagine her work and life is quite different to the everyday mum.